Coaching Soft Love Foreplay

Discussion in 'Sexual Foreplay and Techniques' started by Logger, Oct 11, 2005.

  1. Logger

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    My wife knows a woman whose husband has a medical problem, that makes it difficult or impossible to get an erection. My idea is that my wife should coach the woman on being loving to her husband, even when he is soft.

    It seems that men are expected to get hard, in the presence of their wife or lover. Women sometimes feel that it is up to the man to gbet hard. Some women feel that if the man is not hard, there is no reason to start foreplay. I have experienced that some women feel that foreplay should be stopped, if there is no hope of an erection. Like if I have gotten too drunk, or too short of sleep, etc.

    Perhaps that is the reason Viagra and other erectile dysfunction medicines are selling so well, is the widespread expectation for the male to get hard, or nothing is going to hapen.

    So I need to identify the assumptions that are underpinning the belief that foreplay stops if the penis is soft. Mrs. Softee is unhappy with her marriage, and Mr. Softee is a little disatisfied as well. I will try to help my wife be their soft sex coach.

    Ideas?
     
  2. Logger

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    My intention for starting this thread was to assist my wife's friend. However, I myself more often start foreplay without myself being hard.

    The thread Title seems that it could reasonably cover various ideas and modes of foreplay when a man is soft. I sometimes hesitate to aproach my wife, when I am not ready to get hard. Maybe I am short of sleep. Maybe I have ejaculated in the last 24 or 18 hours. Maybe my wife does not seem that she will feel comfortble with erotic videos. So it seems to me, that it would increase my foreplay fun time with my wife, if I am more ready to aproache her, without the feeling of an obligation to get hard quickly.

    Perhpas I can spray oil on her feet, and position her feet on my wanger.

    My wife doe not have ths skillk for a hand job, but she will squeeze a little, if I get into position to pump her hand, with oil applied.

    On another thread, Bi Bi Baby mentioned reading that a woman emits erectile drugs from the pores of her armpits during sex. So freeing up my wife's arm pits for aroma therapy and licking passionatley can be steps in foreplay towards getting hard.

    So I am expanding my original intention when starting this thread, to include my own struggles and tiral in exploring ways to enjoy soft love myself. Furhter, I will explore various explanations for my wife to understand how to join in the fun.

    Mostly, I have been in denial about having any erectile dysfunciton problems. I will try to flow into the enjoyment of loving whan soft. I will try to further identify my psychological blocks and traps.
     
  3. FlaminFrancesca

    FlaminFrancesca New Member

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    Hi Logger,
    What specifically are you asking? I personally, do not expect my hubby to get hard on his own. If he goes soft, because we take to long changing positions or what-not, then I do everything in my power to get him hard again. Sometimes he will get frustrated, and/or actually tell me to stop because its hopeless, but we've never actually stopped at that point. I have sucked and pumped him to orgasm when he thought it impossible on more than one occassion. Then again, he doesn't have a medical issue that precludes him having or maintaining an erection, just the occassional performance anxiety... So I'm not sure if I'm of any help to you at all.
    If you are looking for suggestions on getting your wife to be their sex coach, so to speak... If I may be completely frank, from some of your prior posts, it doesn't come across to me that sex is of particular importance to your wife at this point. I have been there myself, and there wasn't really anything anyone could do or say to change my mind. I had an orgasm every time we had sex, my hubby always saw to that, but it didn't help, I just didn't want to be bothered. I don't think that I, in that position, could have given anyone advice on the subject at all... please correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems to me, that your wife is that way herself right now.
    Of course, I don't know you, or her, and I am probably completely off base on this one, and that wouldn't surprise me at all.
    Just my two cents there.
    :)
     
  4. Logger

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    Dear Punk Kitty,

    Thanks for your reply.

    My wife has not brought up the other coUple's problems recently. There were not any other threads with Soft Love in the Title, so I am just posting my general thoughts and challenges on soft love here.

    Lst night I did not really aproach my wife very well. Perahps I need to just start getting her massaged, and then I will get excited, as I get her going a little.
     
  5. igor

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    Foreplay with my wife was usually pretty one-sided with me doing all the "work". Sometimes massage to start things off. Then working my way to her breasts & between her legs. SOmetimes I would be soft at the start and sometimes during the hot & heavy part I would soften too, but usually came back hard again.

    One thing I found was that if my body temp was too high (room too hot) I could not maintain an erection.

    If this guy can't get hard he should try Viagra or equivalent if his doc says OK. Another option is a penis pump/cock ring combination. She can always masturbate him - he does not have to be hard to have an orgasm.
     
  6. FlaminFrancesca

    FlaminFrancesca New Member

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    Room temperature is a huge factor here too. If its too hot, it can take forever... not that that's always a bad thing, lol... but when it's due to too much heat, it is.
     
  7. Pandora

    Pandora New Member

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    I think men are like women and need and like being warmed up. Foreplay isn't just for men to do. I think women believe they somehow "deserve the compliment" of an erection and should have to do nothing, as if sex is a present from women to men and the giver has done enough just being there. That's comical and vacuous and stupid. I was told and taught how to masturbate a man with style and intensity and to do everything wonderful he wanted; the goal wasn't to have intercourse but to get hot and come. Guess what? I get hot doing it for him... Participate in something and you enjoy it more.
     
  8. Joe

    Joe
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    I like the way you think, Pandora. So young, and yet so wise! :)
     
  9. Logger

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    I have been having more occasions of being softer than is ideal for the level of excitement my wife feels.

    I did try a cock ring, and that was fun. I left it in a baggie with massage oil, and it deteriorated in a couple of weeks. The Cock Ring is suposed to prevent blood from escaping down the side of the shaft. The idea is that the blood enters the penis throughthe middle, and then makes the penis hard, if the veins carrying the blood out of the penis are partially blocked. So the Cock Ring, at the base of the cock, ehlps the vein muscles to keep the blood inside the cock, and make it hard.

    My wife mentioned a vibrator the other day, so maybe I could keep her entertained while I get more erect.

    Movies of Nude Women helps get me hard. My wife still has some reservations about my enjoying errotic images, so I use the TV once a week or so.

    How can my wife compalin that I am not hard enough when she complains about the imcages on the bedroom TV?
     
  10. loveit247

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    Because you are getting hard over images of other women and not her? Just a guess here! :eyes
     
  11. sexyJ

    sexyJ New Member

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    If it was me I would feel pretty shitty if u needed a tv to get hard but were having a hard time getting hard around me...I think her self esteem might be effected, I know mine sure would!
     
  12. Barbwire

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    Perhaps she's too insecure/immature to realize that porn stars aren't competition and is jealous of you looking at them.

    As for me, whatever it takes to get him hard and me wet, it's all good.
     
  13. Logger

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    Appreciate the diversity of opinion.

    I try to be sensitive to my wife's occasional mild objections to erotic images on the bedroom TV.

    Usually, my wife is watching soap operas, but lately she has been watching home redecorating shows.

    Having distracting images on TV is a turn-off for me. I have climaxed with her shows still on, but it is rare for me.

    The ertotic images are really just background for me, and not the focus of my attention.


    Occasionally, though rarely, my wife will mention some anti-porn idea she has heard at church or on Christian Radio, and I will turn off the tv, as quckily as I can respond, to show I am listening to her ideas. I enjoy the erotic images once or twice a week. If my wife has mentioned an objection, I will not put in an Adult DVD for a few days, at least, to show that I listen, and that Porn is not an addiction for me.

    If I am going to discuss Porn with my wife, I don't argue with her about it at the time she raises an objection.

    I feel more fully satisfied if during my love making session with my wife, that I have watched porn images, and masturbated for a few periods of time. Some of my past girl friends had raised objections to my maturbating as part of he love making sequence. I sensed they were sincere in their feelings, but I sure am happy that my wife has no problem with me masturbating, or watching porn, usualy.

    I would think that women, with a steady man, would want their man as satisfied as reasonably possible, so as to minimize the temptation of any opportunities that may may arise.

    Half the women today live by themselves, in the US, so opportunies are not getting more rare.

    I try to do my part to keep myself as fully satisfied as possible, and if my wife has gotten an earful from some Preacher or Politician, then I will try to show my wife where her true interests lie.

    I sometimes invite my wife, "Would you like to go to Las Vegas?" Some of the DVD's are shows filmed in Las Vegas. Saves the Air Fare.



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