Co-workers...

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Shellen77, Jun 11, 2004.

  1. Shellen77

    Shellen77 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2003
    Messages:
    650
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Female
    Ok...here's the scoop & please tell me your opinion.

    I started a new job in March where I am a salaried member of management for Retail chain. My company has many policies about fraternatization (management dating/sleeping with hourly employees). It is frowned upon greatly if this happens.

    I have always been against dating anyone that I work with & have not done so since I was hired with this company 11 years ago. The problem is I have found myself completely attracted to a co-worker who is NOT management. It was instant attraction from the first time I met him & we get along really great at work. It started off as just being funny but yet slightly flirty on both parties, but I really didn't think he was interested in me....until last night! He really was putting on the charm & it's so hard not to do that same especially when I am completely interested. He's never come out to me & said anything, but he went to another coworker who told me that he had a "crush" on me. He apparently told her that I was "Yummy" (those are his words...not mine! LOL!) & wanted to know if I was single. She told him that I was single, but we couldn't date because it's against company policy.
    Damn...that just aggravates me! When I finally find a guy that I like & everything else is going great...I can't do anything about it! The only option that he has is if he would quit (I couldn't do that to him...especially if things didn't work out between us) or would transfer to another store on the opposite side of the city. It just sucks that it has to be this way & I don't feel comfortable sneaking around behind my companies back to see what might happen between us.

    What would you do in this situation? At this point, I can't do anything but be flattered & wonder "what if" right now.

    I'm just curious about everyone's opinion about the situation & what you would do if you were in my shoes.
    Please discuss....
     
  2. Logger

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2003
    Messages:
    1,214
    Likes Received:
    45
    Gender:
    Male
    Dear Michelle,

    I will write out some ideas, but I may revise them as the plot unfolds.

    You are a talented woman, and the guy you are interested in, is not working at the level, for which you are deserving.

    So, my idea is that a way to form an important aspect of partnering, is to work with the guy on advancing himself, so that he will be able to land a better job, or a promotion.

    One young lady I fell in love with, we went to college classes together. In fact, we really were not at a level where we had been accepted to any big time colleges, but we found some special programs, and we went to college together, and she even went to some classes with me that she was not taking. We arranged to take several calsses together. The young lady dumped me in the spring, but the fall and winter were great.

    College is really not a very fast way to accellerate a career, but there are some classes, like a 14 Week Dale Carnegie class, or similar seminars you could do together, and get inpisration going with the guy. If you can inspire the guy to work at becoming more than he is, you are a dynamite chick. That, to me, is the highest essence of love. Appproach him, like, "I know you are better than this, what have you been tempted to do in the evenings to advance? That sounds like that would help me too. I'll check into that, and maybe we could accompany each other?"

    Going to a seminar together is not really fraternizing, it's just good business. If the guy really refuses work to advance, then you may wish to re-evaluate.

    Blessings.
     
  3. Shellen77

    Shellen77 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2003
    Messages:
    650
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Female
    We had chatted before about his job. He said that he works a full time job doing something with Insurance but decided to get a part time job during the evenings for extra cash. I believe he has 2 children & was divorced more than a year ago. Since the cost of living is so high in this city, I am sure the part time job helps him buy his kids stuff that he normally wouldn't be able to afford & for himself too.

    I am definitely not worried about what he is doing for living or that his job with my company is not in the same pay scale as mine. I know for a fact that this job isn't one that he will want to do forever & he doesn't want to advance with in my company. Retail isn't for everyone....especially Retail Business Management.
     
  4. Shellen77

    Shellen77 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2003
    Messages:
    650
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Female
    About fraternizing with my company, we are not even allowed to go out for lunch with an hourly employee. They claim that the public & other employees may read into it all & think the worst about it. Another one is if I were in a bar & a employee came to the same place, I must leave that place immediately. It doesn't matter if we didn't speak or even have anything to do with each other. Sometimes their policies are ridiculious, but I understand why they do it. I just wish they weren't so anal about it all at times.
     
  5. jojo

    jojo New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2004
    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Australia
    I guess I was in a similar situation. Im a manager for a fast food restaurant and was attracted to one of the crew, although it is against store policy (ie no fraternisation between crew and managers) we decided to start seeing eachother anyway. Several days after we had been seeing eachother, the store manager and owner/operator caught wind and confronted me about it. I didn't try to cover it up, I just came clean, they told me it was against store policy but decided not to take any action (even though we continued to see eachother). I found it difficult working with her as she didnt like listening to instructions that I gave her, which frustrated me. I also am not very personal on shift (I keep my work and private life very seperate most of the time) and she doesn't like that. In then end I moved to another store (unrelated to the relationship) and all is now well.

    I can see your company is a lot stricter with the rules, so it would be hard to try and swing them your way. I say that you go on a couple of dates and see how things go, perhaps if all goes well he could find another part-time job and if things dont work out, no-one will be the wiser (though youve said you would rather not sneak behind the companies back).

    jo
     
  6. Logger

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2003
    Messages:
    1,214
    Likes Received:
    45
    Gender:
    Male
    Dear Michelle,

    Ordinarily, I don't like to be sneaky, or to deal with sneaky people. But sometimes sneaky is an appropriate approach to a problem. Not often. But you should still have a sneaky mode. As a healthy person, you should be able to take on various approaches, as may be appropriate.

    Ordinarily I don't recommend people be sneaky. You might just try being sneaky about something, and keep yourself in practice.

    The idea is for no one to find out. If no one finds out, then what is the harm? How could you create a trial balloon without risk?

    Where does he go, that no one else sees him, and you could just happen to be there, and see what happens? One thing I liked about the Catholics that i have know, is that they are discreet about sin. As long as you keep something private, then no one needs to get upset. Rules are made to be broken, just be extra discreet.

    What about a realtionship on the Astral Plane? Have you practiced making appearances in his dreams? What are your strategies in achieving successful astral travel? What books or websites do you utilize? curezone. com? mystickwicks. com?

    I have some more references for you.

    How about compatability Tests? is that against company policy, to take a compatability test? Separately? On Different computers in different houses?

    How about taking a parenting course? He has kids. What do you know about parenting and instilling important values? My wife anbd I always got along better after we topk a parenting course together. What is important is if you agree on parenting issues?


    posted March 02, 2004 07:06 PM
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Parenting courses, websites and books and tapes have been helpful for me in my role as a parent, a father, and a coach for my wife. I will try to list out some of the references here.

    ODD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder

    Compatibiliby Test:

    enneagraminstitue. com

    http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/
    Couple Compatability Test

    Drucilla Thread
    Drucilla Thread on Eanneagram Compatiablity test

    Briidal tips: Longevity. com


    PARENTING COURSES


    Nurturing Parenting by Stephen J. Bavolk, Ph. D. Nurturing Parenting Courses and Materials
    1-800-688-5822

    Parenting Books, Courses and Videos

    AP, Active Parenting by Michael H. Popkin. Ph. D.
    Active Parenting Web Site


    Tough Love Parents Manual by Phyllis and David Yourk


    Instructors for awareparenting .com Phone: 805-968-1868, California, or E Mail info@awareparenting.com

    for Parent Effectiveness Training instructors in your area, Phone, 800-628-1197, or 858-481-8121, or E-Mail to info@gordontraining.com. Gordon Training, Parent Effectiveness Training

    This is a Link to parenting instructors: Instructors trained in awareparenting.com
    805-968-1868, California, E Mail, info@awareparenting.com


    Boundaries With Kids, Raising Great Kids
    by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530.

    Boundaries, Face to Face (2003) by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

    cloudtownsend.com
    www.drhenrycloud.com
    www.newlife.com


    ODD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder

    WHAT PARENTS NEED TO KNOW ABOUT ODD, by Dr. James D. Sutton, Ed.D. docspeak.com


    Blessings
     
    #6 Logger, Jun 12, 2004
    Last edited: Jun 12, 2004
  7. Logger

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2003
    Messages:
    1,214
    Likes Received:
    45
    Gender:
    Male
    Dear Michelle,

    Time ran out, 90 Minutes, while I was still organizing my parenting class references.

    Do you have to walk out if he comes to a policital rally? A religious meeting? A Parenting Course?

    Can you post to the same Internet Forum? Can you send each other E-mails?

    Try a search on Step Parenting. Quite a few hits.

    step-parenting.com
    stepparenting.com

    I remember some specialized courses for step parents, but I don't have the cites. Have yo conseptualized becoming a step-mom?

    Blessings
     
    #7 Logger, Jun 12, 2004
    Last edited: Jun 12, 2004
  8. Shellen77

    Shellen77 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2003
    Messages:
    650
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks Logger! As for being able to do anything with this guy outside of work, it's forbidden. I think it's just a crazy policy with some extreme measures, but there's obviously a reason why it's in place.

    A little update on the situation:
    I worked with him again on Tuesday night & I noticed that he was constantly within a ears shot away the entire night. I also talked to the gal who originally chatted with him about liking me. She said that since that night he's always asking her something about me (am I single, where I moved from & etc). He also told her that he knew he never had a chance with me & that he's not my type. If he only knew what I was thinking! At this point though, I don't know how many people he has talked to about me & if other managers know about it. If they do, there is a much higher chance of my bosses finding out if we'd go out on a date or something. I just can't risk it....my job is too important to me to ruin it & I've worked too damn hard for it all to be swept away so quickly.
    It's such a bummer though...

    Thanks again Logger!
     
  9. Logger

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2003
    Messages:
    1,214
    Likes Received:
    45
    Gender:
    Male
    Dear Michelle,

    A young man rose through the ranks rapidly, and when asked the secret to his success, he explained, "When I got a job, I would leanr everything I could about how my boss did his job. Once I understood my boss's job, usualy within a few months, i woud prepare resme's for my boss, and he would get a better job. When my boss resigned, I was ready to take my boss's job. I usually got the promotion."

    Can you prepare your admirer's resume, and circulate the resume, to see if he gets any better offers? After your admirer resigns, you can call him up and talk freely.

    Blessings
     
  10. Frank Grimes

    Frank Grimes New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2004
    Messages:
    452
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sector 7-G
    How's about an update, Michelle? What's happening? This is kind of my soap opera, and I was wondering how it turned out.
     
  11. Shellen77

    Shellen77 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2003
    Messages:
    650
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Female
    I haven't had a chance to work with him lately, but will be tonight. I work different shift through out the week & he only works evenings, so I don't see him but a couple times a week. I haven't heard anything lately about him asking about me. I'm sure I'll hear more tonight & probably chit chat with him a bit. I haven't decided if I should bring the situation up or not. I just don't feel comfortable sneaking around & I'm terrified of losing my job over something like this.

    I guess I should just let it go & move on. It's probably best for everyone involved, but a part of me is telling me I shouldn't. So I'm still every torn about it all.

    Being single really sucks!
     
  12. deeperlover1978

    deeperlover1978 New Member

    Joined:
    May 1, 2004
    Messages:
    303
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    florida
    well, do you work close to him or just casuall here and there. I think you should go for it as long as you both make sure no one at your work knows. I'be been in situations like that where i dated a co worker and we just kept it quiet about it cause form what i see with other couples, when others knows and such, thats when all the drama happens.
     
  13. -G-

    -G- New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2004
    Messages:
    123
    Likes Received:
    0

    personally I think your job needs to mind their f'ing business. If you get paid some mega bucks then maybe I would think twice but if not then to hell with them.. :phat
     
  14. Shellen77

    Shellen77 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2003
    Messages:
    650
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Female
    It's not quite that easy G. I work for a VERY large company, get paid very well & techically one of his bosses even though I am not directly over him. I can't just throw away my profession just because of a chance with him. That's what makes it so hard...I want to, but I can't.
     
  15. innerwildwoman

    innerwildwoman New Member

    Joined:
    May 30, 2004
    Messages:
    22
    Likes Received:
    0
    His transferring to another store wouldn't help, right? How about "accidentally" running into each other at a park?
     
  16. Shellen77

    Shellen77 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2003
    Messages:
    650
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Female
    He can transfer to another store & it wouldn't be a problem. It's just that he's made comments about how he would never work at the other store in town due to it being trashy & etc.

    As for accidently running into him somewhere, that's in the gray area...in the policy it states that all outside contact should be avoided. If that would happen, I "should" leave the area immediately regardless what the situation.

    Pretty messed up, eh?
     
  17. Frank Grimes

    Frank Grimes New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2004
    Messages:
    452
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sector 7-G
    This is not his primary job, is that correct? Does the store pay so well that looking for a different job is not an option?

    There has to be some way around it. Couldn't you both conveniently take a trip out of town and meet up at a town an hour away for dinner and to chat or something? If I were in your shoes I'd be frustrated as hell about the whole thing. I will keep my brain churning for some other way of avoiding your companies overly asinine policy. Best of luck. :)
     
  18. hurley

    hurley New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2004
    Messages:
    100
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Auburn, Wa
    Id suggest not sneaking around with him if your work is that serious about those kinds of things. If your making a good income and your happy with it, wait it out. Maybe he will find that he doesnt want to work there anymore and you can pick him up later. Have you talked to him about the company rules? If not, you should inform him just incase you two do bump into eachother at some place. If you end up walking off with no words said, he might find that you dont have any attractions for him and he might stop thinking about you in that way. Also if you tell him about the rules, me might even be willing to try to find another part time job to see if things work out. Just might found out how much he really wants to get with ya =P. Hope you do get yourself into trouble over a co-worker. good luck
     
  19. innerwildwoman

    innerwildwoman New Member

    Joined:
    May 30, 2004
    Messages:
    22
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hurley brings up a good point. Is this guy aware of the company policy? If not, maybe approach it like Hurley suggests, "just to let you know, in case I run into you outside of work . . ." Then he'll know the company policy is an issue and he can decide if he wants to stay there or look for another part time job.
     
  20. Shellen77

    Shellen77 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2003
    Messages:
    650
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Female
    The co worker who he was asking questions about informed him about the policies & he said he was aware of them already. I'm assuming that is why he hasn't come out & said anything to me about it. He just drops hints & flirts around. It's obvious to me & he doesn't do it around anyone else. I know that he respects the fact that I am not allowed to do it. He also told that person that he didn't think he had a chance with me regardless of that policy. If he only knew what I was thinking....