Chemistry - Can it develop?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by HotForHoney, Feb 25, 2015.

  1. HotForHoney

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    I met a guy, we get along well. We both want it to work but there is no chemistry. We talked about it. We don't want to walk away from each other but "it's" not there.

    QUESTION: Can chemistry develop or is it either there or not?

    How long do you give it?
    When do you give up?
     
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  2. 10_3XL

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    This made me think of this quote from High Fidelity:
    "It's a mystery of human chemistry and I don't understand it. Some people, as far as the senses are concerned, just feel like home."

    To answer your question:
    In my experience it's always been a Yes/No from the start, and that's how it has stayed. Chemistry hasn't developed over time, it has just been from the get-go.
    Most of the people that I had/have that je ne sais quoi with, I knew before we even said, "Hi" to one another.
    With others it wasn't until we actually started talking, but it's always been virtually instant - like, seconds after introductions have been made.

    So, to answer the first query, I don't really give it any time. But, to answer the second, I wouldn't give up on a relationship that doesn't have that "it factor" - not if everything else is really good and you genuinely enjoy the other person's presence in your life.


    Who knows? Maybe for you chemistry will develop over time - it's worth waiting awhile and seeing (and enjoying the journey if nothing else).
     
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  3. lbushwalker

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    Nope, no zing factor them = nothing!
    Even sex for the thrills of it won't work long (if at all) but that may be just for my personality type.
     
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  4. lkg4f

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    I feel that if you feel good and want to continue with each other, there is already some chemistry?
     
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  5. lucky5338

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    The chemistry comes of its own and cannot be manufactured. It is either there or not and when it comes it stays.
     
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  6. HotForHoney

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    No chemistry, there is compatibility. We both said we felt nothing when we kiss. It's kind of like "duty sex" only with kissing/touching. Neither of us want that kind of physical relationship.

    I said maybe we will be friends for a bit and then one day start looking at each other differently.

    He doesn't think he could handle just being friends.
     
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  7. 10_3XL

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    Chemistry may be permanent, but I want to point out that it might not remain positive in nature...

    I cite my parents' marriage. They were together for 23 years, and at first they had that positive chemistry. But unfortunately with time and change (kids, jobs, location, hopes/dreams, &c) the chemistry changed, too. Making the term chemistry a bit literal - think of the chemistry going from salt plus water (harmless) to potassium + water (explosive).

    So, chemistry? Yes.
    Positive chemistry? No.
     
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  8. lbushwalker

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    Agreed but no chemistry is inert.
     
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  9. backcheck64

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    So you're friends. Chemistry can't be forced or manufactured. It's there or not. If it's there, it can fade some in later years, but it still has to be there from the get go.
     
  10. Sweetlysad

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    No it can't it's either there or it's not.
     
  11. AGFUNK

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    No, it can't.
     
  12. lucky5338

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    it can't
     
  13. Cappy_Dick

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    Chemistry is a strange thing. We normally think of it as there from the beginning, but I know from experience that it can come or go at any time. Often, when you least expect it.

    xx
     
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  14. Candela

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    Have you ever talked with someone who took your breath away?..Everything he does makes you giddy?...Thats chemistry!!
     
  15. MarkJ420

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    Hmm , i know of situations where people had bad first experiences i.e a bad date with someone. But they tried again at a later date. An that time things went well.

    My view i don't think chemistry is set in stone nothing in nature is , i don't believe you can say if it isn't there from the get go. That it never ever will happen it's possible.
     
  16. 10_3XL

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    I had to... I just had to...
    science-stand-back.jpg
     
  17. HotForHoney

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    First meeting/dates went well. We want to feel something but nada
     
  18. MarkJ420

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    My view there's no rhyme nor reason sometimes.

    My view chemistry can develop it has happened , nature isn't set in stone. It does sound like unfortunately for you both your situation is set in stone though.
     
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  19. skinnyminnie

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    Like the others said, I felt it from the start with all my lovers. If those sparks aren't flying on day one, they definitely won't be on year ten. Keep him as a friend.
     
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  20. cbrmale

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    I believe that many of the postings from men who complain about no sex in their marriages are from relationships with lacked chemistry, perhaps from day one, but they thought they got on well enough together to make it work. In the long term it hasn't.
     
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