Cheating. ...

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Doitagain, Sep 16, 2014.

  1. Doitagain

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    Everyone has their own limits and ideas on what constitutes cheating and I want to know What defines cheating?
    I understand there is emotional and physical cheating my question is what is immediately a deal breaker? What is " attempted cheating " and could be worked through?

    Example : for me some hidden chats or something that implies they may be setting up a possible affair may be worked through but multiple offenses means break up. However if the chats seems more than just a flirt and well, sexual nature, and it turns out her they are " in love " the that's a deal breaker.
    If my woman just goes and sleeps with an ex or just some random can't control yourself sexcapade there is no reconciliation , done right there.

    And as far as swinging relationship s or that type of relationship what personal rules have to be broken to consider it cheating where otherwise it is mutual condoned fun ?

    Also , what would count as a shady circumstance? How many shady occurrences before there is a confrontation?

    What would be your reaction if you come across a genital pic your SO sent to someone besides yourself?
     
    #1 Doitagain, Sep 16, 2014
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2014
  2. Doitagain

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    I know it's poorly written but you get the point. I'm looking for more specific answers instead of blanket replies.
     
  3. backcheck64

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    I think there's a difference between cheating while dating and while married. I give a little more leeway when dating, after marriage, it's airtight. Anything beyond looking, any physical contact beyond a friendly hug is cheating. And there is no swinging or open marriage in my opinion and wouldn't be involved in one in any shape or form.
     
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  4. jt _couple2012

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    Ok, here is my view on this:

    I cheated one time years ago when I was young and foolish, we used to travel a lot and to my surprise she cheated on me few months later with somebody from the same race, in the same foreign country at the same hotel with the same exact details........ this made me believe more in the say" what comes around goes around". I can tell you that I have never cheated on my partners throughout my life after that experience.
    Now, the easiest way to define cheating is that it is whatever you do in secret, hide or not proud of showing.
    The worst mistake is to label wrong as right or give yourself excuses to consider it right. Nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes so, I do make mistakes knowing that I am fucking up and take my chances. I gladly pay for them when I get caught, no regrets and no tears.
     
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  5. danrb007

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    Most people disagree with me but I consider cheating any actual physical sexual contact. I chat online and sometimes cam but it is just for self pleasure. No more than looking at a playboy or penthouse and reading the stories to help you masturbate. Chatting online is like a story that is alive and can go in a direction that gives you more self pleasure as you chat.
     
  6. Doitagain

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    Hmmmm. That's a different way to look at it. I understand what you are saying.
     
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  7. Alwayslearningsex

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    I would say that while I am not a tight moral kind of guy, intending to cheat is a start of cheating.
    The intention is the attempt to cheat, putting into motion.
    I don't mean someone who thinks of doing it then backs out, but someone intent on following through.
     
  8. Ra1nb0wUnderwear

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    I know this isn't the answer you were looking for, but I think it entirely depends on the bounds of that particular relationship and the people who are in it. I honestly believe it's something that should be openly discussed well before it can ever become an issue.

    That being said, my personal point of judgment (for myself) is that if I have to wonder if I'm doing something wrong, I probably shouldn't be doing it. If anything, it means I'm walking a very fine line that can turn bad quickly. But at the same time, there are plenty of things that I've done while in a relationship that I don't see as harmful or immoral, but it's very possible that my (non-existent) partner might not be okay with. Hence, talking about boundaries and limits before they become an issue.

    One relationship I was in was long distance and horribly inconvenient as far as regular in-person-together time. For awhile it was agreed upon that we could fuck around with whoever as long as it was safe and disclosed. This worked because he was able to fulfill my emotional needs, but unable to help me with the physical needs. From time to time there was some jealousy, but it wasn't ever enough to end things--and it was out in the open.

    And honestly, I think I'd be more upset finding out about an 'emotional affair' than I would be finding out my man was fucking around on the side. But that's me.
     
  9. 10_3XL

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    To paraphrase a bit: "I can't define [cheating], but I know it when I see it..."

    There are too many variables within each different relationship for there to be One True Answer. Basically, as Rainbow stated above, if I feel I'm doing something wrong or that wrong is being done to me (as far as fidelity is concerned) that is when I would label something as "cheating."
     
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  10. clonly602

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    Anything that needs to be done in secret with fear or the partner finding out is a cheat. You are cheating yourself from being who you are and you are cheating the partner from seeing the real you.

    Are some cheats ok...? That is personal and depends on the relationship you have.
    I am an open book to my wife, I cannot lie or it eats at me then I explode in a ball of emtions, rage and tears. She on the otherhand can keep things from me but I can usually tell when she is. (She has anxiety and it ramps up when there is something on her mind) She fears I will not be comfortable with the decision she has made so it is easier to hide it. (NOT PREFERRED BEHAVIOR) I usually find out and it becomes messier then if she was straight.

    You guys helped me through a "swinging" issue and it was my fear of her "wanting" more then the one time deal because she has an emotional connection. That is the "cheat" to me. I have had to ask that we no longer include him in any extra fun we have because I felt like it went too far. She never fessed up, because thats how she is, but agreed it would be best for us.

    In response to your actual questions...
    - hidden chats are ok unles they are actual plans to cheat. IE where, when and how not just chat.
    - sexcapade is a 100% cheat, no coming back from that.
    - swinging this is a grey area because of the nature of swinging. (would take more then one fuck up)
    - shady if it bugs you and you think it would "make a differance tomorrow" bring it up. If it wont make a differance tomorrow, suck it up.
    - Crotch pics are not ok unless texted in a joking manner not in a sexual manner.

    Sex and relationships are crazy right? Look at the fucked up point of views I have and compare them to what you have. Human nature is a bitch.
     
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  11. Trond

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    I have told my wife 100 times that I might end up in bed with a prostitute because of our completely incompatible libidos (I guess we're down to twice a year now). Sometimes I have said it jokingly, other times more seriously. I did end up with a prostitute I while ago, although I never have the nerve to tell my wife exactly when I'm doing it (that would make her sit at home and feel bad). Last time we had sex my wife asked me to wear a condom again despite the fact that she still takes her pill (it removes her menstrual pain). I guess she got the hint. I wonder if she thinks I go more often than I actually do though. I usually just go to a strip club and only rarely to a prostitute. Before I found these solutions I would sometimes get really angry about the lack of sex, but I guess this helps.

    I care about my wife...., but I'm not sure if I care if this is cheating or not.
     
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  12. 12barblues

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    A thousand different couples, a thousand different answers .. And what's not ok today , may be perfectly fine tomorrow. Relationships change, evolve ...monogamy today... Swinging tomorrow..,
    But I would say the best definition would be doing anything you're partner doesn't want you to ... And not telling her....
    I know, I know... I generalized... I'm sorry
     
  13. AtkCCC

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    I think you summed it up nicely.
     
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  14. Kelly2244

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    I believe you must consider intent to define what cheating is. All sex is cheating and is a dealbreaker. Where a kiss may or may not be. Kissing a friend innocently with no devious intent is not cheating. But kissing someone with the intent to get aroused is cheating. Same with hugs, touches, getting together for coffee or any behavior. Too much flirting with no physical contact is cheating and would become a deal breaker eventually. Watching porn is not cheating if all is kept out in the open and is not hidden. But excessive porn or hiding porn is a form of cheating and is a deal breaker. Online dating/hook up sites are cheating unless your so deletes their entire account and openly shares the contents with you. Chats, live web cams, phone sex is a form of cheating unless they stop and never return. I'm very specific on how I define cheating. I have cheated and have been cheated on many times. I would never cheat on my guy now. I love and respect him too much.
     
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  15. shnarkle

    shnarkle New Member

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    No way Jose! If you look at a magazine it is a one way interaction. When you cam you are sexually interacting with someone else in real time and in real life. Yo are, however tempoarily having a real sexual encounter with someoe other than your partner.
     
  16. scar69

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    I tell my man if he touches another girl without my permission it's cgeating
     
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  17. WhiteTeacher

    WhiteTeacher New Member

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    It is cheating if she falls in love with him. Otherwise it is just her being submissive.
     
  18. Sexy Strip

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    My definition of cheating is pretty straightforward. If a person engages another person with the idea of being more then just friends/acquaintances or with an idea of sleeping together or hinting at that whether physically or not without your partners knowledge and expressed permission. You are cheating. It is not only about action but also intent.
     
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  19. AtkCCC

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    Years ago, my wife and I were into swinging. It lasted about 8 or 10 years and we had some amazing fun and met really nice people. We did this together and did not consider it cheating as we abided by the rules we made for each other. That was a long time ago, I wouldn’t consider meeting someone on the outside, although we do occasionally talk about encounters, don’t think anything will come of it.
     
  20. Unomike2

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    Cheating is regarded as stepping outside the bounds of a relationship physically and emotionally no matter if it is with a lot lizard, an acquaintance or online.
    To me cheating starts with intent.
    What does not qualify as cheating is engaging in a non-sexual, non- emotional relationship, and if that person is separated and going through a divorce.