Cheating: A Male Perspective

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Essene, Oct 25, 2011.

  1. Essene

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    These are just some tips that may be helpful in your quest to not cheat on your spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, or whatever variety your S.O. come in.

    Quite often, cheating doesn't just happen spur of the moment. I.e.- you usuallu know this person for an x amount of time. The idea of a "hook up" becomes evient to the both of you. Eventually, in a lot of cases, this is where the "it just sort of happened" phases in when in all actuality, it didn't JUST happen. Emotional relationships form, often, before sexual/physical ones do. Don't let this happen. AT least, don't let the amorous side of it happen. If it does, since emotions are quite uncontrollable at times, don't show it. There's no need to go out for drinks (asking for disaster) or what have you that will only incite the breading ground for a cheat.

    Next, if you're mad at your S.O., treat it like most gun shops treat someone wanting to buy a gun. Give it a week or two (days at least) to pass over or for the two (or more depending on the relationship) of you to patch things up. We make terribly rash decisions when upset. And when we're upset and inebriated (or under a plethora of other influences... stress, other drugs... feeling unwanted, lonely, etc---) that is a couldren filled with disaster.

    If you're gung ho on cheating despite what it will do to your relationship if your S.O. finds out, despite how you'll feel when they find out, despite the distrust that will occur from then on... Think about cheating with the person or people you wish to cheat with. Masturbate to the scenario. It will be fun, no doubt. It's exciting thinking about what could be. When you finish, think about your S.O. if you don't immediately feel guilty already. If you do not, and you're still dead set on doing it... Please.... PLEASE let your S.O. know. Break up with them, let them hound you and possibly knock some sense into your head. Something... ANYTHING! But don't leave them in the dark. There are too many diseases out there (even permeable through latex) and why hurt someone you obviously cared for? If you don't care for them any longer, "step-it'up" and "break it off".

    Feel free to add more. I've been tempted with the opportunity to cheat on my gf a handful of times. The thought actually sickens me. I wish I could be that guy though. Care free without a fuck to give,reference the picture link, but I am not.
     
  2. almostthere

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    Well said. I've been with my wife for three decades and we've hit some rough spots,like latley. But I think how I would feel if she cheated on me and what my kids would think of me and then I realize what's really important. I also think about living in a one room apartment on less than half of what I earn and it really sets in./lol
    I too sometimes wish I was a total uncaring prick who would fuck who ever and not give a shit. Im not. Im a faithful,loving and total family guy who cares more about my family than any desire I could have. Im a boring fucker.
    and the three decades? We meet at 15
     
    #2 almostthere, Oct 25, 2011
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2011
  3. Essene

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    That a beautiful tale. My "high school sweetheart" turned out to be a "high school nightmare".

    You're completely right. I forgot to add that. Thinking about the complete void that would be left in me... that utter sense of betrayal and melancholy would set me right if I ever did want to cheat.
     
  4. almostthere

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    Then again a 30 yo piece of ass would hit the spot right about now!

    Im kidding...............35
    Lol
     
  5. Essene

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    Lol. I'm actually laughing.
     
  6. cbrmale

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    Despite popular opinion, affairs are not necessarily a barometer to the health of a relationship, and many happy men and women with satisfactory sex lives do have affairs. We don't really know why. Biologically programmed to have sex with multiple partners to have a greater chance of propogating the next generation? Excitement of the new and unknown? Ambivalent about the routine and well-worn? All of the above?

    What I find is that I feel refreshed and re-invigorated, and this is how my wife guessed. She knew something had changed, and someone else was involved! So, even if you are discreet and take all precautions, you may be found out.

    The majority of affairs do not end in divorce. Some partners, men and women, suspect but live life in denial. Some know but let it happen. Some know and insist the affair stops, and then give the relationship a chance to recover (it can). We reached an agreement after the event.

    There have been many attempts to quantify the degree of unfaithfulness, and it's thought more than half of married men and less than half of married women have affairs, and that it affects about 70% of marriages. Some think the actual percentages are higher than that. The actual percentages of those who consider it but don't carry through can then be added, and in reality monogamy is not really what humans are about.

    I had sex with a married woman on Monday. She was married at 16, married for 30 years, and had a desire for something 'more'. So we did more, and maybe we will do more again if she wishes. It is very surprising how many do have the deep-down urge to stray, women as much as men (it does take two, after all). I am meeting up with another married woman later next week.
     
  7. almostthere

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    The idea of an affair has been running in my head for about three maybe four years. Like I said,I've been with the wife for years and we are really at a bad spot right now. Things that she used to enjoy are now off the menu. There's not much we do sexually other then missionary. No oral without a condom now, no finger penetration, no touching the anus<hers or mine>, don't touch my breast. I mentioned anal licking the other day, me to her, and she said I was gross. Im so fucking frustrated it hurts. She was never a crazy sex kitten but she was more than she is now. And I also was hoping our relationship would grow not die out. Three years ago I wouldn't have even thought of cheating, now im not so sure. I do love her and she's still beautiful and sexy to me. Who knows.
     
  8. AGFUNK

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    Sounds like there is something going on with her. You should talk to her about how she is feeling in dept. If that doesn't work seek counseling.
     
  9. almostthere

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    We've talked many times. Now it "changes" I understand that. But when she's not going through her woman issues its not much better. Sex has been on a slow decline for years.
     
  10. jopely

    jopely New Member

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    Don't cheat see a counseler, Cheating is an easy way out and it only hurts in the end remember love is trust and she is ya best freind and don't forget ya weding vows. Been there done that on both sides!
     
  11. PhX_AZ_SWM_1972

    PhX_AZ_SWM_1972 New Member

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    duh
    Counseling is not the be all, end all fix. In fact, I think it working is the exception, not the rule.

    People fall out of love, just like they fall into it. It's not the worst thing in the world.
     
  12. ply

    ply
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    Is this a menopause thing for some women? Got the same thang at ourt house.
     
  13. AGFUNK

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    He said that he does love her so that doesn't seem to be a problem. I never said that counseling fixes everything, just that it can help. It's better to at least try than regretting not trying and thinking that it could have helped.
     
  14. ply

    ply
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    Not always. People have suffered serious repercussions in their lives for having seen a phsycologist or phychiatrist.

    Granted this should not be so. Especially for seeing a marriage counselor. But it happens in real life
     
  15. pbs

    pbs
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    This is probably true, but IMO most likely because the real root problem was discovered for the first time. We all wear social masks, even when we're not aware we're doing so, and being completely honest is something most of us rarely do.
     
  16. ply

    ply
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    What?
     
  17. pbs

    pbs
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    If you're asking about social masks, one of the very first things we learn as children is that to be completely honest is to be vulnerable, especially emotionally, and there's no better example of this than the emotional jungle that is school. As adults, we continue to hide behind these "deceptions" as defense mechanisms to protect our inner sensitivities, and it becomes so natural, that many of us don't even realize we're doing it. Psychologists try to get beyond those masks to find root problems in relationships, and sometimes those being counseled aren't ready to hear hidden "truths" about themselves or their mates.

    Is that what you were asking?
     
  18. ply

    ply
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    I don't see the relevance between that and suffering repercussions for seeing a therapist. Such as losing your job or not getting a job because you are viewed as possibly being mentally defective do to your history of seeing a therapist.

    To some people Saw therapist = drama queen

    You replied to my statement. To which your reply makes no sense.
     
  19. cbrmale

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    It is quite true that counselling can be traumatic, because many aspects of how we love, and of our sexual blueprints are ingrained from a very young age. Maybe they should try, but it can only work for a couple if BOTH parties want to make it work. Sometimes it can work but most of the time it doesn't.

    My sister tried counselling for relationship issues before her divorce, but her husband wasn't prepared to change.

    A very good book for the OP is Mating in Captivity. It's written by a multi-cultural woman raised in Europe and who is now a sexual counsellor in the US, and she identifies Anglo-Saxon sexual issues very well from her position as an outsider looking in. For example, being European, she's quite okay with affairs within boundaries, if that's what helps a couple, which is something an American or Australian counsellor would never acknowledge. Perhaps he can read it, and some of her case studies may be of help. He may also come to realise that marriage doesn't mean wonderful sex for life, and that to have one single person to be our best friend, confident and lover unsurpassed is really asking a lot (which is why so many of us have affairs). Our mistresses typically aren't the person we would marry, but often our wives are not as erotically charged as our mistresses (and our mistresses would say the same things about the men in their lives too).
     
  20. pbs

    pbs
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    Sorry, but my reply was in a different context. Your repercussions seem to refer to society's response to someone who has sought counseling. My repercussions were meant to refer to discoveries made by those seeking the counseling, about themselves and their spouses. A simple misunderstanding - sorry. I see your point though.