Cheated on and hurting.

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by luff, Jun 18, 2011.

  1. luff

    luff New Member

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    I'm in quite a mess.

    When I first met my boyfriend (now ex), he seemed pretty nice. He was aroused quite often and sex was just about the most important thing in his world. He was 17 so it was like eh, whatever.

    He's 21 now and the guy has gone above and beyond what I think is reasonable. He's turned into a cuckold, pressured me to have other guys on the side, wanted me to show nudes of myself to other guys, etc.. I closed up and didn't really want sex at all anymore. His solution to the problem was to meet a girl for a blowjob.

    Can you say dumped?

    I know it sounds like the problem is solved but the way I view sex has been horribly mangled. I'm angry and scared, I'm afraid to open up again. I was afraid in the first place, now I'm downright terrified. He used to like that we were each other's firsts, now he seems to want a girl who has had more sexual partners than she can count on both hands and feet...times 2!

    I feel inadequate and sickened. I said that he didn't have to do what he did and he said, "Well, when a girl grabs your c*ck and starts sucking, no sane man will say no." I'm inexperienced and shy, cautious and scared, so I don't have the kind of experience that a slut who sleeps around so much that she has to tell guys, "I get tested after every guy" does. WTF? He used to like that I didn't sleep with everything that had a penis...apparently now that's not attractive.

    I know, I know, he's a hog. I know he's a jerk. But what he did, what he's said, how he's behaved has struck a nerve with me. I hate myself. I've had anxiety attacks every day. I'm depressed and angry as hell. I hate sex and feel like never having sex again or dating again. And I don't just mean this as an empty threat, I really hate it and hate the idea of being close to people again. Before him, I had decided that I never wanted to be close to anyone and look where it got me. Sometimes I want someone but I feel I just can't bring myself to move forward. I just keep thinking of what he said he did to her...and I feel like a total loser who could never please a man.

    There might not be any point to this but I just needed to say it and maybe get some feedback. =/
     
  2. Trond

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    Pressuring people to have sex with others is pretty depraved to put it mildly. I would strongly recommend avoiding your ex in the future.

    This breakup was pretty recent, right? Perhaps you need to take it slow with yourself for a while. If you meet a new guy, be sure to assert yourself, and don't let anybody dictate what you should do or feel. If you don't feel better about this (and guys in general) over time, then perhaps you should see a therapist? Could be helpful, but I have a feeling that time will take care of it.
     
  3. igor

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    This guy is not normal. It is not anything to do with you.
     
  4. luff

    luff New Member

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    Thank you to both of you, it makes me feel better that both of those responses came from men because I was kind of worried.

    I keep getting anxious over thinking of him moving on and having sex with a lot of people or finding someone who he considers better. I know that's stupid but I already have GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) so it's kind of hard to control. My doctor said she'd refer me to a counselor but she hasn't gotten back to me yet so I just have to survive until then.
     
  5. Trond

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    If you ask me, your ex isn't worth your time and consideration. I am a rather horny man with a low-libido wife, so I can see how a man ends up cheating in certain situations (believe me I have thought about it). But I still treat my wife with respect and love.

    The situation you describe could have given anyone the creeps. Your ex seems to have a serious lack of respect for others. So again: he isn't worth thinking about anymore. Hope you feel better about this soon!
     
  6. Chronichaze

    Chronichaze New Member

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    Wow what a mother fucker. Too bad you can't beat the fuck out this punk because that's what he surely deserves along with some therapy..
     
  7. luff

    luff New Member

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    I've tried telling him that he needs help but he's just basically been saying "I'm a bad guy but I don't want to feel guilty about it" which pisses me off. He knew the type of girl I was when he met me and he doesn't feel any guilt at all for how he's treated me? None? I got so angry that I told his parents what he's been up to and they were pretty pissed. I don't know if that was the "right" thing to do but I just told them that someone needs to chill him out before he knocks someone up because he's out of control. He didn't even stop to think if that slut had anything but she told him that she "gets tested after every guy" and I was like yeah well if we were still together you'd be getting tested before I touched you, that's disgusting.
     
  8. Chronichaze

    Chronichaze New Member

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    Guy sounds pretty insecure. If you move onto a better guy there'd be no better way to get him back
     
  9. luff

    luff New Member

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    That's what I'd like to do but when I think about it I freeze up. I thought about making a dating profile just to talk to someone since I can't really date at the moment. I'm home for the summer but I'll be going back to school so any relationship I have here will basically end. So talking to someone near my school online would give me a few months to get to know them before meeting them and yet I'm nervous. I want to take it slow but I'm really anxious.
     
  10. HisLilSecret

    HisLilSecret New Member

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    I would be worried jumping into any type of relationship would be a bad idea. It sounds to me like you need some time to heal. Your therapist should be able to help you work through these feelings your having & get you to a better place before you open yourself to a man again. This guy is a jerk who doesnt deserve a second thought from you. You will find someone who will treat you like the queen you are just worry about getting to a better mental place first & the rest will fall in place. Good luck to you, your on the right track.
     
  11. Kermit

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    No, when a girl grabs your dick and starts sucking, only a FAITHFUL man will say no. But unless it's already out, it's gonna take at least a few seconds to fish it out, more than enough time to stop it before it starts. So maybe he's right, if you allow her to grab your dick and start sucking you already have it in your mind she's gonna suck it and not say no. Unless i'm not experienced enough, it's not something that happens in a split second

    But don't hate yourself *hugs*

    But seriously, a guy who pressures you to perform as his own little porn slut, doesn't deserve your heart or your tears.
     
  12. luff

    luff New Member

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    Yeah, that part kind of irritates me. He said he'd been angry with me and I've kind of tried to refrain from asking too many questions about specific details. I don't know if I should or not. =/
     
  13. Kermit

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    Best thing to do is cut ties with that asshole, keep it simple. Not to sound mean but when an Amoebae when it hits a sharp corner it will avoid it. Best to avoid your sharp corner. In our complicated and infinite wisdom we sometimes over look the simple wisdom in our faces. I know life isn't that simple but it's wroth considering even on simplistic terms
     
  14. Forgetmenot

    Forgetmenot New Member

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    Keep walking and don't turn back!!! He does not soud like he is worth the effort!!
     
  15. Mittimer

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    "No sand guy would say no"?

    No, correction. Any self respecting BOYFRIEND would say no.

    Any asshole wouldn't say it.

    You're better then him and you shouldn't let him get you down.
     
  16. backcheck64

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    Yea, what the frog said. You weren't a girlfriend, you were a sex toy. Be glad he's gone. No one deserves to be treated like that, and the person that would do that to someone has serious mental problems. You're only fault is putting up with it for any length of time. You need to find someone that really cares about you. You don't have to put up with people like that.
     
  17. GreyGoose

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    Sounds like you were lucky he did that bc otherwise you may have stayed and put up with his shit like you have been. He is a real tool and you deserve a lot better
     
  18. missie

    missie Member

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    It isn't you no, you have done the right thing by getting out and you shouldn't look back either, you need to try and put this in the past and get yourself the help you need to get through this awful experience.

    All men aren't the same and there are a lot of guys that love and treat women the right way, what im trying to say it wont happen every time but give yourself time to heal from the bad experience
     
  19. uncutpete

    uncutpete New Member

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    You know I hate to go against the flow, but in forums like this people tend to pile on. I love how everyone tells couples to break up after one infidelity, as if they are completely faithful themselves. You are both young. Expecting absolute monogamy from each other is usually too much for most couples, young or not. To have a blow job be the deal breaker is expecting too much of a young man, or a young woman. Also, men wanting their wife or g/f to have other partners is not as unusual as people on here would have you believe. It is actually quite common. Whether or not it is something you want to do (and you should not give in to pressure to do something that you don't) it is not weird or sick at all.
     
  20. backcheck64

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    I've been completely faithful to my wife for 29yrs, and I was just shy of 19 when we met. Never even tempted. And if you can't be faithful, it's not the right person, with all of the diseases, the person cheated on has a right to know since their health is being put in danger. In my relationship, there is no room for infidelity. If I don't satisfy her enough, we can divorce and THEN she can fuck whom ever. We made a vow, it's my word, I'm going to keep it...till death do us part.

    As far as wanting to see their partner with someone else, not here, AND I don't play well with others.