Changing her frame of mind on spanking

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Croy, Jun 20, 2016.

  1. Croy

    Croy Member

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    Didn't know where to put this, but....Spanking my wife is a huge turn on for me. She says it doesn't do anything for her. I know she is not averse to pain/pleasure because almost every time we have sex, pinching her nipples really hard helps her to have an orgasm.

    She doesn't mind a few ass slaps during doggy. She also tried to do otk more or less for me. Surprisingly, she said she likes it better when I use my crop instead of my hand (better...not that she craves it).

    I have tried to role play punishment, but I believe she has prided herself on always doing the right thing and was never really punished growing up.

    She doesn't like to talk about sex. Very uncomfortable. But we do have some pretty good sex and get kinky much of the time. She loves to suck my cock. I have realized through the years that things she is averse to or even disgusted by can be re-framed by me to where she might like it.

    She also can look back at things she would have been averse to or thought it was a bullshit technique but now likes it. For example: erotic lactation, gspot orgasm, squirting.

    We all can rewire our brain over time to really get off on something.

    My question is what ideas do you have to where she might start to like it...or understand how it could be a turn-on (I am not going to manipulate or coerce her into this)? And I wonder why the crop feels better than my hand?
     
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  2. sensless

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    You talk about rewiring one's brain to like something related to sexual preferences. If that was really possible, why couldn't you rewire yours not to care for spanking? If that was possible, why wouldn't psychiatrists be able to rewire the brains of sexual offenders?

    Most often, when a man thinks he has rewired his gf's brain to like something, what really happened is that he insisted so much on that particular thing, she got tired of being pressured and started pretending she liked it, only to get it over with. It's something like faking orgasms to get the sex over as quickly as possible.

    Eventually, when these women decide they can take their men for granted, they just stop having sex with them altogether. Sex may thrive with another man, a lover who'd care for what she really likes and who's not transforming the sexual relationship in a mind rewiring activity.

    What can be taken by rewiring is getting used to something. You can get in the habit of running if you persevere enough for several months. But sexual preferences are a lot deeper than just deciding to play a sport.

    If you don't think I'm right, try it for yourself. Think of something sexual you really dislike, then try to rewire yourself to like it.
     
  3. Croy

    Croy Member

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    I knew since I wrote that post in a hurry, someone might get offended. The whole "pressure" thing did happen early in our marriage when we were both naive....I respect her boundaries and she has got comfortable expanding hers.

    The rewiring I do believe is possible is like my example with her gspot. She used to not believe in it and she also used to not get much out of insertion except the mental factor of me being inside her. She was all clit. Later, she playfully allowed herself to let me continue to experiment. Over two years her inside has grown very responsive and very orgasmic. So that's an example. Neuroplasticity is real. I experienced it with nicotine addiction and had to "rewire" my reward system.

    She's an engineer and very "matter of fact." She refuses to fake something or fake orgasms. I like that about her. Now that we are in our 40's, she has orgasms quicker than me...but I digress.

    In my past, with something like spanking a girl - if a girl was really into it I thought she liked it. However, in my experiences, two girls that liked OTK spankings only liked it because they saw how much it turned me on. One of them, at least she says, started liking it on her own but said it would have never happened if she wasn't doing it to see me turned on at first. The other girl called me a gross pervert the first time I mentioned spankings and 3 months later said she secretly wanted me to try it on her. My girl confusion :D

    Another example is that BDSM porn definitely got me more into BDSM. But I am very open minded. But you are right - someone that isn't as open-minded I could definitely see that.

    So I was thinking out loud when I wrote that post. I should have asked if there were any women here that didn't like spankings because maybe it made them think of something in their past they didn't like, but now they really like it. My wife didn't like giving me blowjobs. Now she gives them every time because she says it turns her on so much (and she likes it turns me on so much).

    Hope that was clearer. It isn't a boundary for her, it just doesn't do anything for her. When I role play punishing her she doesn't like it because she pride's herself on not needing punishment.

    I know I rambled...
     
  4. sensless

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    I wasn't offended by your post, Croy. I'm a very real person who comes here to talk about sex being real about it.

    Forums about sex get an enormous amount of BS, exaggeration and banter. Men have 30 in cocks, women squirt enough to sink the Titanic and everybody gives oral on a daily basis for 26 h nonstop.

    I think it's a pity. I wish real people would discuss stuff that really happen. I'd love to learn how men really feel, learn what they really enjoy and so on. Unfortunately, the "real" discussions are always turned into jokes by people who prefer to talk about how they wish they were than about how they really are.

    That's all to say you've misunderstood me. I was just giving you my honest opinion about it. I was allowing you to peek into the brain of at least one woman.

    In a few posts, it'll be all about gifs of spanking, banter of people who have 2h long orgasms when spanked and so on.
     
  5. Croy

    Croy Member

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    LOL. Thank you. I get it now. It's very ironic that I was thinking of just that....are there parts of this board where we can discuss serious (somewhat intellectual) matters.I also have wondered if the females on this board could relate to a lower libido, not as comfortable sexual woman like my wife? Am I making the wrong assumption to think every female on here is horny and open-minded? :)
     
  6. sensless

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    Some are here looking for answers. Some are here to get their ego stroked, or their self-esteem back up and running. Some are here because they're very horny.

    Most women know how it is to have low libido, because most of us have periods of low libido due to hormones, psychological temporary issues and so on.

    Edit: I can relate with being vanilla, if that helps. I'm not kinky at all.
     
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  7. lbushwalker

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    Croy, turn it around for a moment; if you are so into spanking have it done to you and if it feels good encourage her to continue doing it but if it does't rock your boat then maybe understand that it does't do it for the engineer either!
    If it is the donation of spanking that turns you on then realise that you have a mild sadistic leaning especially if your wife is not into that stuff.
    I also believe that every guy who desires to fuck a woman up the arse should also have it done to them first!
    And like @sensless I am essentially vanilla with topping or sprinkling of choc chips or mocha.
    I also don't like the notion of rewiring but expansion of experiences is different ;)
     
  8. duffy

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    Thoughtful...interesting !!
     
  9. DrinkMeIn

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    I'm very into spanking. I was afraid at first but now I can relax into it. I hope she comes around.
     
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  10. Nixie

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    Marry me!! Haha! :D xx