Casual sex and love - discuss....

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by HotForHoney, Apr 25, 2014.

  1. HotForHoney

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    I was watching Two and a Half Men last night. Waldron's therapist suggested he have casual sex bc he was falling in love with anyone who showed him interest.
    While I know she isn't a real doc and this is tv, I was wondering people's thoughts.
     
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  2. 10_3XL

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    Very interesting to consider...

    I can't really give much input as to pros or cons of casual sex, but I can relate to that character's situation. Often I am uncomfortable and doubtful in my current relationship because I wonder: Am I so enamored and committed simply because The Lady was the first woman to take interest in me? If I had built up a resistance to emotional attachment via casual sexual encounters beforehand how different would things be?

    Hmm... perhaps more later (if I can avoid getting myself into an existential crisis over this. :p)
     
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  3. HotForHoney

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    Doc said he will be able to tell the real thing when it comes.
     
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  4. JonJo

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    Think it can happen; that if you are 'desperate enough' for something you grab the first you one you think has come along that might fill your need to be loved.
    If sex frustration/need is a part of your 'desperation' then casual sex can be the answer and a buffer against 'jumping in with both feet'.
    BUT you have to have the knowledge and ability to separate getting good sensations and sexual satisfaction (if you get them) from 'being in love' - in the 'after-glow' of good satisfying sex its an easy trap to fall into thinking you are, and words spoken then are hard to retract in the 'hard cold light of day'.
    Good satisfying sex is not the prerogative of 'being in love', nor unfortunately (some times) is the opposite.
     
  5. oldkid

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    I "fell in love" with every girl and woman I ever got to third base with. The one that kept me on third is still the best thing that ever happened to me. Falling in temporary love with all of them kept me on an even keel 'til the right one came along. Keeping it light. :)
     
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  6. Married M Nh

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    Great discussion
    It's ok to have casual sex if you can have the sex without the emotional attachment that sometimes happens when having sex. When looking for "the one" your judgement could get fuzzy.
    I don't think there's only 1 person out there that's a perfect match. That my thought anyway have a great day
     
  7. oldkid

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    The more you sample, the more qualified to make a judgement. --OldKid:)
     
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  8. ginger

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    Not exactly how I would have discribed it but its there or there about :cool:
     
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  9. Alwayslearningsex

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    Tricky for me. I love having a woman I want and have steady compny, yet I love sex, casual sex, although I pefer meeting someone ongoing fr comfort, experimenting, taking turns, and both partners get what they want.

    TV shows like this take an issue out of real life and stretch things a bit for the sake of comedy.
    Also I know a guy who would have love stars with a woman giving him tender attention.
    The thing I would recommend is to keep an awareness about attraction and the trap of thinking about love too quickly.
    If there is something real, the essential for people to be honest even when lust makes someone say things they should not.
     
  10. Ra1nb0wUnderwear

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    This might be overly "deep" or analytic, but I believe love means something different for each individual. I think everyone (including children/teens, barring psychopaths/sociopaths) have the capacity to love others, but that our personal definitions of love change and evolve just as we do. As far as middle school kids loving their boyfriend of two weeks, sure, they're "in love". As adults, we look back and laugh at those types of relationships. But, in the moment, the feelings were real--we've just changed over the years and our emotional capacities have as well.

    Along these lines, I think there is some truth in what 10_3XL says here. Not necessarily with his relationship, but with men and women of all types who don't have a lot of emotional relationship experience. If you've never "loved", I think it's easier to fall in love... just because you're unable to properly/maturely 'diagnose' the emotions you're experiencing. The first relationships are always intense and enamoring. Our expectations are low, and each butterfly is a new and exciting feeling.

    As far as the question at hand-- I'm not sure casual sex is the solution. I think time and life experience is the solution. And I'm not sure that we should seek to build up a resistance to emotional attachments, but instead seek to find the correct outlets for emotional attachment. Sex and love go well together, but they are not one and the same.

    /tangent
     
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  11. sandwich

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    While it has never been in me to have casual sex, I have a couple friends who seem to enjoy it. I think the one really does not enjoy it deep down, though. I can see the pain in her face. The other is adamant about not wanting a relationship, so maybe it works for her. I think there is some substance released in your body during sex that is kind of like a love/bonding chemical. I can't remember what it is called.
     
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  12. Ra1nb0wUnderwear

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    Oxytocin.
     
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  13. JonJo

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    Endorphins
    They serve many other functions as well.
    One of them, besides the feeling of bonding/well-being/even euphoria after sex, is the heighten of the pain threshold enabling activities that without them would be painful/more painful.
     
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  14. 10_3XL

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    Is this why people have sex/masturbate at work, do you think? :rolleyes:
     
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  15. JonJo

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    Lots of things besides sex can 'kick them in', exercise and sports for example - so if you call either of those activities exercise/sport then maybe :)
     
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  16. HotForHoney

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    This is exactly what I needed to get back on track. THANK YOU.
     
  17. 10_3XL

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    I have thought more on this and come to this conclusion (at least in my personal case):

    I definitely feel far greater attachment (love?) to The Lady (my first and only so far) because of my more or less complete inexperience with a serious, adult, committed relationship. The addition of sex to the equation again increases that feeling of attachment and this is again due to lack of more experience. It is not really much of a stretch to say that my mental/emotional maturity and experience pertaining to romance/intimacy/sexuality is "retarded."

    So would I (or do I) "fall in love" with anyone who'll give me the time of day? The answer is most probably, "Yes." However, I do not feel that it is necessarily a problem. I by no means plan on breaking things off with The Lady in order to do more exploration of my sexual identity, to gain more experiences, to "add more notches to my bedpost," or to build up a resistance to the "instant head-over-heels" factor...

    I feel like I'm somehow off-the-point of what you are asking, though. And even if not this is hard to articulate very concisely. o_O
     
  18. oldkid

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    Considering all the time consumed searching for hookups, we (mankind) invented "fuck buddies". At least both of you have agreed not to fall in love. And the cost of dating seduction, in time, money, and stress are considerably reduced. Even the poor can indulge. And help is just a phone call away. Maybe "fuck circles" would be useful. Casual sex on demand.:D
     
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  19. 10_3XL

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    This idea... I approve. You are a wise elder when not busy being cantankerous, Oldkid! :)
     
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  20. minskminx

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    So you are asking why have casual sex?

    Well I am fortunate that I do not need casual sex now but in the past I have had a lot of casual sex. Why did I do it?

    Firstly, because I enjoy and wanted sex.

    Secondly, because I was perhaps more shy than I am now and if you never see someone again afterwards you can be more sexual unrestrained with out being embarrassed about it later.

    Thirdly, I would say everyone must get some kind of satisfaction from being attractive to other people. If I go to a nightclub or a bar and pick a man out that I want to have sex with and then do so then on a psycological level that must be a good thing for me to prove my sexual attraction to the opposite sex.

    Fourthly, I think as woman when you have casual sex there is also a danger excitement from being with a man you know nothing about.
     
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