Can't Maintain Erection at 20 with girl, but porn works?

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by enz660, Sep 17, 2008.

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  1. enz660

    enz660 New Member

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    Im so upset right now, This the second time this has happened. I get an erection at first when I start making out and rubbing my penis against my girlfriend, then when I rub her tits, finger her, and shes ready for sex, i'm not hard. I don't know why at all because i'm usually very horny, have morning wood all the time, and maintain erections when watching porn as well, I just have no idea whats wrong with me. She was so upset, we tried it again 10 min later and I had an erection, but it was not maintained and we gave up for the night. This was also the first time she let me have sex with her as well. I don't know what to do? Stop masturbating? Is there any over the counter prooduct I can take to get a very hard erection for a few hours so I can at least have sex with her? I hear this may be performance anxiety, but im not sure. If anyone can help that would be great.
     
  2. Dreama

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    Sounds like performance anxiety to me. Stop psyching yourself out or your failure to get an erection will be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Relax. If I were you, I'd cut down on masturbating if you're doing it a lot. If you haven't done it for awhile, I'm sure you could keep an erection, or something.
     
  3. enz660

    enz660 New Member

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    is there anything I can buy so I maintain a hard erection for longer? Something over the counter? At least for my first time with this girl, because after an experience like that...the second time I may have anxiety once again. I will stop masturbating and that should give me four days of load to carry. I usually masturbate daily, sometimes more.
     
  4. enz660

    enz660 New Member

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    she was very upset about it and thought that it was her fault and that "I didnt turn her on" and was proposing breakup because she said that her knowing this made everything irrelevant. I told her its not her fault and we might try agian..
     
  5. Trixi

    Trixi New Member

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    I doubt that there is any over the counter medication that would work. You might want to try a cock ring. If there is an adult store nearby, they would probably have them.
     
  6. FlirtyChick

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    You are only 20, you dont need any over the counter medication if you do not have a medical condition. I agree with Dreama, cut back on masturbation. It also sounds like performance anxiety to me. Try to relax, and if it happens just keep trying. And please, please tell your girlfriend that is has nothing to do with her, and ask her, when you are out of bed, to just let it be, overlook it, and just hold you and try to carry on. The more relaxed you both are the better it will become.
     
  7. heelfetish

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    Ditto above. The fact that you can get an erection means that this is not a physical problem, but a mental one. Even if you could get OTC medication for this (which you can't), I would not recommend it.

    As FC has mentioned, talk to her about this sometime away from the bedroom. Explain what is happening, and that it has nothing to do with her. It's performance anxiety, nothing more. The more pressure you both put on you to perform, the worse it's going to be. Just relax. Don't 'plan' to have sex. Just snuggle, kiss & play and see where that leads. If it leads to arousal and an erection, then go from there. If not then there's always next time.

    Drugs are not the answer!

    But drugs could be part of the question... Are you taking any medication (legal or otherwise) that may have an affect on your sexual performance? THC, alcohol, and many other meds can adversely affect your ability to get and maintain an erection. So can poor diet and lack of exercise. So eat well, exercise, stay away from illegal drugs & alcohol, if on prescription meds seek medical advice from your doctor or pharmacist, and most of all, stop pressuring yourself. :)
     
  8. HardRocker

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    Laying off the porn will make it much easier to not masturbate. I'd be willing to bet, if you go three or four days with no porn and no beating the meat, you'll be loaded for bear.

    Not to insinuate that she resembles a bear.:)

    Let us know how that goes.
     
  9. igor

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    She is being very narrow minded about this, especially that early in your relationship. She better do some reading up on performance anxiety. It is a very common problem.
     
  10. heelfetish

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    Yeah, but if he does that he'll be back next week with PE issues. :lol Man it's tough being a guy.
     
  11. Vanja

    Vanja New Member

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    It's awful having a feeling you don't turn your partner on, I understand where she's coming from. But she still needs to do her part and not be so upset about this... that just adds to your anxiety and creates a worse vicious cycle. I have heard two things that apply to your situation.

    First - Jerking off is a completely different "feel" than having vaginal sex. If you jerk off ONLY for long enough, it's harder to get it going during "normal" sex.

    Second - porn tends to "numb" you to a degree... meaning, it takes more for you to get turned on (or so I've heard) so you might wanna cut back on that while you two get through this phase... because believe me, it's just a phase and you can't give up. She can't give up either.

    Good luck.
     
  12. enz660

    enz660 New Member

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    So we have talked about this a lot and have she feels a lot better, I have told her its not her its me and my problem. I will not visit her for a few days, it will give both people some space for recovery, as well as some time for me to get horny and stop watching porn and masturbating all together. She is talking with her friends about this situation and apparently im not the only one that this happened to so she is feeling a little more relieved about it.

    Right now things are strange and we both love each other so we will not break up, I will just give things time and try once more when im locked and loaded, and report back here for what happened. Im glad Im not the only guy, I was so embarrassed, as a man, not to perform my job... what a buzz kill.
     
  13. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    This is SOOO true. It's a bit of a vicious cycle...being unable to perform once makes you worried about it the next time, which adds to whatever was already causing the performance anxiety, which then causes it again, which makes you more uptight, etc., etc., etc.

    She really needs to understand that 1) it's not her, and 2) the bigger deal she makes out of it, the bigger she makes the problem.

    BD
     
  14. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Dude, it's not that strange...I'd say 100% of men have experienced performance anxiety at least once in their life!

    BD
     
  15. HardRocker

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    Hey, PE is better than no E.:lol
     
  16. heelfetish

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    True enough! ;)

    enz660, don't worry about it. While most don't ever talk about it openly, I'd be surprised if the majority of men didn't have this issue at one point in their life. Maybe not everybody, but certainly a majority. Good on you for having the courage to ask about a potentially embarrassing situation. I think you're going about this the best way, and I wish you all the luck.

    Just remember that actual penetration is only about 5% of what makes sex great. Concentrate on the other 95% and you'll be fine. Work that tongue, Mister! :cool
     
  17. Astoroth88

    Astoroth88 New Member

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    Wow, I actually have this same problem, I figured it was just me psyching myself out worrying about performance but I just can never relax!!! Especially after the first time it happened. Of course it doesn't help she wouldn't take off her hoodie....tshirt....undershirt..pants....shorts...etc.. then wouldn't lemme touch her, then asked me if I was gay.. Course that's about 90% of the women around where I live =/
     
  18. sunnysara

    sunnysara New Member

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    THe bigger a deal she makes of it, the worse it will get. she needs to relax and let it happen and better yet help it along.


    Also the possibilty you two just aren't compatible.
     
  19. Astoroth88

    Astoroth88 New Member

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    Yea i figured out she wasn't my type, she pretty much 2 faced on me when I met her in real life, and no I didn't meet her thru online dating, a friend of mine told me she was nice and all that jazz. And yea the more she pressured me about gettin hard, the softer I got, so I believe you on that one.
     
  20. enz660

    enz660 New Member

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    I really hope this won't happen again... Im not watching porn or masturbating for a week. Until we try anything sexual, and see how long I maintain an erection. There was one night where I was crazy about her, I had a boner for hours, but we didn't even do anything but lay there and kiss.
     
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