Can't ejaculate

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by outofmymind, Jun 8, 2008.

  1. outofmymind

    outofmymind Member

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    Are there any good techniques to help a male ejaculate? I've been seeing a girl for a while, we've had sex three times, and the sex is great for her. But for me I just can't seem to get aroused enough to cum. She screams during sex and she will cum at least once, sometimes twice, but I just can't seem to do it.

    I know this has been brought up before, I've been reviewing these forums looking for tricks and techniques that might help but haven't really found anything I haven't tried. I've tried missionary, her on top, side by side, reverse cow girl, oral, they all feel good but not enough for me to get aroused to the point of ejaculation.

    She is beginning to get frustrated with it, she keeps asking me during sex if I came or not, I tell her no. She says she wants me to enjoy it as much as her. I just make up excuses, I tell her I can't go on any further if I cum, so if I don't I can last longer. Or I'll tell her I'd have to take the condom off in order to cum. And she's suggested I use a polyurethane condom cause they feel better. That may be worth a try, but I kind of have doubts it will work.
     
  2. Kanto

    Kanto Member

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    Just be glad you don't have the other form of sexually related performance anxiety. Otherwise, you'd both be unhappy.

    This actually happened to me the first couple of times that I was with the woman that I would eventually marry. Part of it was simply that I hadn't been with a woman in a while and wasn't used to the feeling of the condom. Thinking back on it, the other part was simply that there was a piece of me that didn't want to feel like I was taking advantage of her.

    Just remember that you're both in it for eachother's feelings. Its ok to be just a little selfish, if it helps to think of it that way.
     
  3. igor

    Gold Member

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    I'm sorry but I can't buy the theory that a guy can't ejaculate because he is using a condom. Either the thing is so wrong a size or else you have some mental hang-up that is really causing this issue. Is this your first partner? Have you had this problem before? Do you masturbate to orgasm (how quickly can you cum)?
     
  4. outofmymind

    outofmymind Member

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    I know, the condom thing was just an excuse. This is not my first partner, and yes I've always had this problem in a way. Once a girl was able to get me to cum by giving me a hand job. And once, this was years ago, I had a girl and I was not using a condom and yes I was able to cum. But the past three or four partners I've had I have not been able to cum. Sex just feels like something rubbing away at my penis around the condom. It doesn't feel like there's anything there to get me aroused that much. About the masturbating, yes I usually can cum when I masturbate, I just get better stimulation that way. And the time varies, sometimes i can cum within 10 minutes of masturbating, sometimes a couple hours.
     
  5. Pride

    Pride New Member

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    That sucks...but i can have this issue on occasion...i can go forever and the girl loves it...but i cant cum even if i want to...and only one time have i EVER came while getting oral....i mean it feels GREAT...but i cant cum for some reason...

    But that one time was the best orgasm of my life!...like my toes curled especially as she swallowed and kept going.....DAMN :(
     
  6. HardRocker

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    Try to go for a while without masturbating, no vagina has a grip like your hand. By the time you've got blueballs, I'd be surprised if you didn't really blast off when you're in her.
     
  7. Pride

    Pride New Member

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    Id disagree....ive had ONE girl that was tight as hell. haha
     
  8. outofmymind

    outofmymind Member

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    I have been looking stuff up, and found that most men ejaculate within 2 to 4 minutes, which sounds fast for the average guy. And in some circumstances it takes up to 30 to 45 minutes. I have been trying it for about that long and still can't cum.

    I have thought about sex therapy too. There are sex therapists that specialize in ejaculation and orgasmic problems. But it can require multiple sessions with you and your partner to make it work. And can cost around $2,000. I don't know if we would have the time for that.

    I found causes of the problem here http://adam.about.com/encyclopedia/infectiousdiseases/Delayed-ejaculation.htm
    The most common are:
    * A strict religious background causing the person to view sex as sinful
    * Lack of attraction for a partner
    * Conditioning caused by unique or atypical masturbation patterns
    * Traumatic events (such as being discovered in masturbation or illicit sex, or learning one's partner is having an affair)

    I think mostly it's the conditioning caused by masturbation that is messing me up. I've masturbated so much that I've conditioned my mind to only cum during masturbation. I'm thinking that if I quit masturbating completely and just keep having sex that I'll condition myself to cum during sex. Hopefully within time it will work. I've always thought of masturbation as being perfectly safe and healthy, I never thought it could lead to problems like this.
     
  9. igor

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    All but one of those problems you found are mental and can be solved. If it is a physical problem then yes, there is a chance that reducing or eliminating masturbation may help.
    I suppose that depends on how often and how vigorously you masturbate.
     
  10. yikez

    yikez New Member

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    umm could be the masturbation ..

    for me, i could masturbate twice a day and still achieve to have sex later in the night and cum in 15 mins lol