Can you teach an old dog new tricks?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by johnnyangel694u, Nov 8, 2006.

  1. johnnyangel694u

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    After being married for 20 years the sex is just the same old thing. I try different things to her but it either goes unnoticed or bitched about. I talk about trying different things but she doesn't say a word, good, bad or indifferent. I goes to great lengths to please her but she doesn't put any effort to please me. Is it too late to change? Am I doing something wrong. Can I teach an old dog new tricks or am I stuck with the lazy one?
     
  2. pirouette

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    Get a new dog? :)
     
  3. Thorn

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    Old dogs can learn new tricks, but for couples it has to be a two way street. Sounds like she is not willing to try though. I don't know enough about your situation but from your post it sounds like you are the only one trying.

    After 20some years of marriage our sex was just same old -same old. Neither one of us was doing anything to make it better and then it just happened. The passion, the romance, and the frequency came back. We sort of fell back in love with each other. I can't really say what triggered it but it could be the fact that all 3 of our kids got married and moved out of the house in a one year period. I guess we choose to explore and see if we still had it or we could have grown farther and farther apart.
     
  4. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    To answer your question: I state a resounding YES! YES YOU CAN TEACH AN OLD DOG NEW TRICKS!
    (but first, you should probably lose the "old dog" label.... not too endearing :) )

    I know this may not help matters, but you DO know that you are in the company of many millions of people who, like yourself, have been married for quite a while - and the spark is barely flickering., right?

    If I remember correctly, you posted in another thread that you have some pretty deep relationship problems, so my response may not be on the money for your particular situation, but it gives some good starting points (imho).
    That said, you need to step out of your own frustration, and look at the WHOLE situation...

    1. Does your wife work outside the home?

    2. Are there children at home? Doesn't matter if they are toddlers or teenagers. Sometimes, the latter can be more taxing than the former.

    3. Does your wife have a good self-image? This would be evident in the way she fixes herself up... does she buy flattering clothes, or 'cover-up' clothes? Does she have time to pamper herself - nails or hair?

    4. Is there anything that she interests herself in, that has nothing to do with kids, family, husband or work?

    Depending on the answers to these (and of course other) questions, you can begin to step into her world and free her up. She may look at sex as another 'duty'. Another thing that someone is 'demanding' of her time. Hence, the resentment and indifference you sense from her.
     
  5. JuicyB

    JuicyB New Member

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    Do you find your wife good looking? Does she find you good looking? You'd be amazed at what a little complimenting can do!
     
  6. cbrmale

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    If your relationship is healthy and she loves you truly and deeply and passionately, then it is possible to improve a routine sex life. But if the relationship lacks sparkle, then it is less possible. JuicyB hints at it above, compliments, little presents like flowers, thanking her for all the probably unacknowledged things she does around the home. Turn her into your girlfriend again and then, without rushing things, see if you can talk about sex.
     
  7. johnnyangel694u

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    Over the years I have tried to make her feel sexy, I would do things like walk up behind her and give her a hug and grind against her butt. She would just push me away. But at night she would call me into the bedroom because she wanted it. Just the same ole thing over and over again. No thrill, no passion. I just get so frustrated. Just another quick example that I thought of reading another post. Highway sex. We would be driving down the highway and I would reach over, unzipper her pants, reach in and play with her clit until she came. That's it. End of story. She didn't do a damn thing for me.
     
  8. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    Not to make light of your situation, but it sounds like you have a 'role-reversal' problem. Usually, it seems the guy is in a "Git 'er done!" mentality.

    *just an early morning, over-caffeined observation* :)
     
  9. Thorn

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    Because of my past experience with a ho-hum sex life for years with my wife (Rose), I can agree with you cbrmale, about it being "possible to improve a routine sex life." Even during those ho-hum years of sex we were still "best friends" in all other aspects of our relationship. When the sparks of sex were rekindled a few years ago the fire was raging in no time at all, and still burns HOT to this day!
     
  10. cbrmale

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    Yeah, I went through regular but routine sex for a while until I found the problem and instigated the cure. So it can be done, as long as the relationship has sound foundations, a relationship based on love, respect and the desire to please each other.

    Like you, our sex life now burns hot.
     
  11. BustHer

    BustHer New Member

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    I Feel Ya Bro

    I am in a very simular relationship with my wife. We have been together for 22 years and I am having trouble getting her into anything but the same ole thing. I have tried everything I can think of or have ever read about including offering her the chance to swing if that was what she wanted. Some of this I blame on the female surgery she had about 1 1/2 years ago but that can only be believed for so long. She has very low self esteem and thinks of herself as a wallflower or ugly person. To me she is beautiful and very sexy. I can hardly keep my hands off her. She makes comments all the time about wishing she looked different, when she sees a sexy lady on TV she will always say, I wish". I have tried to reassure her how much I love her and how sexy I think she is but she just always says,"Yeah right". I am to the point now that I never say anything when she demeans herself with comments like that, I have tried to lead her to a place in her life where she could see and feel her real beauty that is inside her sexy body but she just cant stand herself. I have resorted mostly to masturbation and sex with her once a week or so because she always say something like that and just turns me off totally. She is just not comfortable with herself and I cant seem to find a way to help her. I have even asked her to see a Dr. to help her deal with her self esteem problems but she refuses to even try it. I still and will 4-ever love her but at this point I have almost given up hope. I know this will not help you but at least you know your not alone.
    :bow All bow to the ladies for they are what we desire most:dgrin