Can you go back to "normal"?

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Barbwire, Jan 24, 2007.

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  1. Barbwire

    Gold Member

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    I admit I am rather dull compared to a lot of people when it comes to my sex life, but I do have friends that are on the wild side and I enjoy talking to them about their escapades.

    I have one friend in particular that has done some really crazy stuff, at least by my standards, like being heavily into S & M, going to sex clubs and the like. She told me she dated her husband for quite a while before they married and he was as kinky as she was and they were quite compatible in bed.

    After they got married, he got all "normal" on her (her word not mine) and she doesn't feel satisfied with him anymore. My question is, is this common? I mean, can you get into kinky sex so much that conventional sex just doesn't do it for you any more?

    As far as S & M goes when do you stop, I mean, draw the line? Is it harder and harder to get to the point of climaxing and you have to get more and more severe with it? Just curious, I guess.
     
  2. singlemale86

    singlemale86 New Member

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    It's definately a tough call about certain kinky things as to where you draw the line. As far as being able to go back to "normal" after experiencing newer things, I think it is totally possible to do.

    First off, if you begin practicing things like BDSM you're going to be liable to become bored with your current practice (whether your the husband or the wife) and will try something at the next level of BDSM. Sooner or later, one of you is going to say "woah, this is too intense" but the other will still be wanting more and will still require this kind of stimulation to climax.

    Pretty soon, the one that thinks its too intense will definately end up getting hurt and the relationship will suffer strain.

    Myself personally, I don't think i'd ever get mixed up with any kind of BDSM. I don't think i could stand ever not knowing whether or not my partner really enjoyed it or if she was just faking it to make me happy. The last thing I want is for sex between me and my future wife to be is one sided pleasure.

    The closes thing I'd try to any kind of SM would maybe be some mild erotic spanking. But she's have to be the instigator and ask me to spank her, and she would have to enjoy it. Other than that, i'd steer right clear of any kind of pleasure associated with pain.
     
  3. cbrmale

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    It probably depends on the person, after all your friend's husband went normal, but your friends still wants to be wild.

    My personal kinkiest is group sex, some threesomes of various mixes of genders to be precise. I went back to 'normal' afterwards without any problems, if that helps.
     
  4. doberman

    doberman New Member

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    this is one common misunderstanding about SM. rather refer to it as BDSM which means bondage-discipline-sadism-masochism. its a lot frowned on upon by the "vanillas", as this is what BDSM-people like to call non-BDSM'ers. vanilla is the most common icecream, why not mix it with a bit of strawberry, chocolate..

    to get back on topic: BDSM is more about taking and giving control to another/from another. of course there is hard practices that include burning, cutting, blood, REAL pain if you want so. interesstingly there is a large number of people liking this that experienced molestation, rape or other kinds of violence in their lives. this can turn both ways, receiving pleasure by receiving or giving pain to one another. they will have a hard time to be turned on any other way. but if you go by the books and lets say you handcuffed or otherwise took your partners freedom to move freely, you already practiced BDSM. playrape, forcing your way to "get what you want" is a form of BDSM. most people have already pracised this in the one or other way. also putting psychological stress to another in order to receive "what you want" is already considered BDSM. so if you ever moaned until your gf gave you a blowjob.. you get the line!

    the BDSM-community has very strict standards. one of these is s-s-(s)-c-f: save, sane, (sensual), consent and fun. if one does not abide to these rules, he or she will not be able to land anywhere near a real BDSM-person, be assured of that. the scene is quite tight, and word of mouth spreads wider and faster as you would imagine. ever heard of a friend raping another? a lot of the times they will get away with it, "because the other has provocated it". thats a no-go in BDSM-country! usually a couple, or more, will discuss their fantasies, and agree on it. often contracts are made, what can you do, what do you have to do, what are you not allowed to do..

    there is really a lot about trust involved, being free in expression, discuss things beforehand.. how many times have you heard: you said you was going to pull it out before.. :D and they didnt. in BDSM such things have impact. big ones!

    i hope i was able to clear up some misunderstandings..
     
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