can I trust him?? long post

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by missing-wood, Aug 20, 2006.

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  1. missing-wood

    missing-wood New Member

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    I have several questions that pertain to the sex live of me and my husband. I will start off with a little history about our relationship.

    My husband is 46 years old and I am 45 we have been married for 24 years. We have two teenage sons. I am beginning to question if in fact my husband still finds me sexually attractive.

    My husband tells me that he was a virgin when we met. After we begin dating we enjoyed frequent and pleasurable sex. My husband (then boyfriend) was always willing to “go down” on me. While I found this to be enjoyable, I could never bring myself to return the favor to him.

    Once we were married it seems as if our sex life has been on a constant slowdown.

    For the past two years (maybe longer) we have had sex an average of three times per month.

    My husband has always been more than willing to have sex with me but it seems that I was never in the mood. When we did have sex I found it pleasurable and had no problem having mutable organisms.

    My husband has always wanted to go down on me, but once we were married I did not permit this. Likewise, he has constantly ask, or hinted that he would like me to give him head---but I have always refused to give in.

    Over the past two weeks all of this changed.

    My husband has been spending much more time with me and I have gotten a sudden urge to have sex almost all day long. This past week, he was on vacation and we had sex several times per day. This included regular sex, as well as oral for both him and me.

    My husband said that he felt he would go his whole life without a blowjob-----he has had many of them just in this past week.



    Now here is my question, while we were sharing our thoughts this week my husband told me that he regularly masturbated during the times we did not have sex (remember 3 times per month.

    When ask about this, my husband showed me a book that he had hidden in the bathroom.
    He said he used this book while masturbating.

    Upon looking at the book (called the ultimate sex book by Anne Hooper) I found that it contained pictures of couples having sex.
    My husband tells me that during the time that he was masturbating he would look at these pictures and think about doing these things with me.

    I have to wonder if that is true----after all----if he is thinking about me, why would be looking at other women?

    He also has several instructional sex DVD’s that he has bought, again, he said he bought these to boost our sex life-----again, I question why he would need to view these----I am thinking he simply wants to view the sex acts for his own pleasure.

    He has had these tapes for quite sometime and had never shared them with me until now.

    During the past week we were having sex mutable times per day and he got to the point that it was difficult for him to have an erection. It seemed however that he had no problems with this when I provided him with oral sex.


    Last night we begin to have sex and he was hard, I was on top of him (as usual) and had one orgasm----he suddenly went limp and could not get it back up.

    After about a 5-10 min rest, I went down on him and he was once again hard---after telling him I wanted him to cum in my mouth, he did so. Again, this was a first for the both of us.

    I now find myself thinking that he went limp while we were having regular sex---but had no problem getting hard and coming with the BJ.

    Could my husband be thinking of me during regular sex (and going limp) and thinking of others when I am giving him head?

    He said that it (going limp) is a combination of seven or more days of sex in a row (two tree times per day) and the fact that he gets hard on oral is due to the fact that he has never had a BJ (until now) and is finding it super exciting.

    My husband constantly tells me he loves me and I have no reason to think that he has ever been unfaithful. But I am still left to wonder----does he still want me????

    I would like to have sex with my husband in new and risky places----he recently suggested we setup a “meeting” in a bar that is “out of town”. He wants me to dress sexy and be in the bar alone and he wants to come in and “pick me up” (as if I am a stranger).

    While I find this exciting, I am wondering if in the back of his mind he DOES want a stranger.
     
  2. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    My guess, and this is just a guess, is that your sudden interest in new and different and more frequent sexual experiences has made him feel like he can communicate openly with you and tell you what he would like. I think that it is absolutely possible, actually probable, that he is completely truthful when he says that he thought of you while looking at that book and masturbating, and even the DVD's. I don't see any reason to believe that his keeping them from you in the first place was simply to love you and not push you.

    As for going limp.... it is absolutely probable that he is having some fatigue. After 24 years of a pretty typical routine and now changing that routine, it's very understandable that he may have issues maintaining an erection. Utilizing oral may very well create an erection where there was not one, simply by being different, just as he said.

    From what you've said so far it sounds like you have a very loving and compassionate husband who loves and respects you very much. He has now seen a side of you that has opened doors to allow him to tell you some of his fantasies/wishes.
     
  3. MikeDog

    MikeDog New Member

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    Not sure why you guys cut out oral as part of your sex life but it's a great aspect to get back. The fact that it's "new" again for him is very exciting. My guess is it would be for you too ;) so you should let him go down on you as well. Anything new spices things up big time. Your stranger pickup sounds like a great fantasy roleplay. Suggest you get a cheap motel nearby for the fireworks to complete the scenario ;)

    As far as looking at pics in my opinion it's normal for him look at pictures and stuff. Guys are very visual so that helps him imagine stuff.

    As far as losing his hard on he might be getting to the age where he needs a little help from the pharmacy. A visit to the doc would get that fixed right up.

    Sounds like you guys might be having a sexual re-awakening after raising kids and all. Enjoy it :)
     
    #3 MikeDog, Aug 20, 2006
    Last edited: Aug 20, 2006
  4. bluenavigator

    bluenavigator New Member

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    Masturbating beside one's back, I think that it is pretty much normal. For myself, I have my faithful wife for 7 years. I still do masturbate daily, at least 4 times per day, time to time, I do get chance to have sex with my wife. My wife knows this all the time as she do enjoys watching me coming, sometimes enough to arouse her to do something hot. :dgrin
     
  5. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    In my humble, over 50 opinion - you need to take this new sexual hunger between you and your husband and feed it everything you got!

    My husband (of 28+ years) masturbated in the same fashion as yours during our 'down time' in marriage. It is perfectly normal and is no indication of him wanting another woman. Viewing sexual images is also totally normal, as well. I am sure that it is hard to process all this new information, and that is why you are going through a 'questioning' period.

    There are several threads on here pertaining to how a man's sex drive doesn't seem to diminish over the course of years of marriage, while a woman's sex drive slows down. In many cases, it marks the beginning of the end. But truly, as said in other posts, I see a faithful, loving husband who simply took matters into his own hands (pun intended), as he patiently hoped that things would get better.

    Now that things are better, I encourage you to enjoy this new freedom. The years you have spent building this relationship (and a good, solid relationship needs to be built on things far deeper than sex) have made it easy to share intimate thoughts with each other, and also it has made it easier for both of you to move past inhibitions, in order to please each other. Many marriages never see this materialize, so don't stifle his openness.

    Sounds to me like this love is deep. Count your blessings, and let that caged-up sexual woman inside of you be everything you desire!

    :rose
     
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