Can I stop being gay and transsexual?

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by leonitoo, Jan 14, 2008.

  1. leonitoo

    leonitoo New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2008
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Do you have any experiences your own or someone elses, is it possible to change your sexuality,when you become gay or transsex, is it possible to change and become heterosexual and male again, in my case, Im male who feels transsexual and gay for many years, but I dont like myself as that, so Im trying to change, I know sth about reparative therapies, but not enough? Im desperate...
     
  2. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2005
    Messages:
    6,823
    Likes Received:
    12
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Dixie Land
    Perhaps you need to find out why you don't like yourself. That's probably the root of your dilemna.

    Not everyone fits the mold of what's 'normal' (and I use that word loosely). There are many studies indicating that pronounced hormones present at birth (whether testosterone or estrogen) give way to sexual tendancies later in life.

    Do you truly dislike yourself... or do you dislike the fact that you are perceived as 'wrong', or 'bad'?
     
  3. leonitoo

    leonitoo New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2008
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hi. Im struggling with it for about 5 years and I now for sure now that I really want it , it is not because of pressure of people around me, I dont think homotranssex is bad, it is the same as the heteros just in a "wrong body"... My main problem is that my gender feelings are 80% male, I have only sexual problem, maybe thats the reason why I cant accept my sexuality which is just sexually feelings of me as a woman having sex with man... My gender cant accept it and I cant sacrifice my gender feelings because of my sexuality...because I really like to live male life...I tried once sex with man and I wasnt aroused maybe I wasnt like that guy...(it all stayed at strong fantasies and transsexual masturbation). I had a lots of relationships with females...but problem is that Im passive, not a penetrator...so... My real desire is to change my sexuality into male sexuality, to stop be sexually female... and I desperately want it and searching for help... I would like to change my fantasies, and my sexual identity which is closer to female right know and Im honestly uncomfortable with it...
     
  4. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2005
    Messages:
    6,823
    Likes Received:
    12
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Dixie Land
    Definitely sounds like you need to seek professional help in order to find yourself - and upon finding who you really are to then be happy and free of personal degradation.

    Seriously, you have this inner turmoil that needs to be methodically untangled, so that you can learn what your personal desires are and what your comfort zones are.

    Sexuality can be a labyrinth of complex emotions and physical entities, and there is always room for ALL of us to have help sorting through them, before embarking on our adult life. A professional would be your best bet, as no one should go through life disliking themselves for things that are somehow imbred.
     
  5. Dreama

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2006
    Messages:
    3,890
    Likes Received:
    15
    Gender:
    Female
    Yeah, some professional help might suit you nicely. I don't think you should have to change. Love yourself.
     
  6. ninja08hippie

    ninja08hippie Official SF Hugger
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2007
    Messages:
    2,089
    Likes Received:
    36
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Strawberry Fields
    You can use self hypnosis to cover up homosexual urges. It's essentially brainwashing, but if you're uncomfortable with people knowing that you're gay (or bi) then I don't see anything wrong with it.
     
  7. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2006
    Messages:
    450
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    Avoid repairative therapy at all costs as it will do you more damage than good and therapy too. Also in my opinion avoid any Evangelical religons that protrays same-sex experiences in a negative light and avoid hypnosis at all costs. Hypnosis does not work and there is no scientifc evidence to support that it does. There are many Christian and non-Christian religions that are accepting of same-sex experiences.

    The issue for you is not trying to change who you are but accepting who you are. It may mean making lifestyle changes and ridding your life of the negative messages that you receive of your life. If you want to go on a date with a woman and experience a hetrosexual sexual experience then what is stopping you? Gay, bisexual, and heterosexual are terms people use to describe their sexuality. Likewise if you want to date another than really other than yourself what is stopping you? In essence it comes down to choice and the decisions that you make. Only you can change yourself.
     
    Makio likes this.
  8. Bluesy

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2006
    Messages:
    3,779
    Likes Received:
    14
    Gender:
    Female
    These are arbitrary labels, hon, "male sexuality", "female sexuality". There are very sexually dominant women out there who would be thrilled to have a submissive sexual partner. And there are women who like to mix it up and take turns being the more dominant/submissive partner... You don't have to alter your identity to find a lover you'd be compatible with. I do think what's important here, as others have said, is accepting who you are, what your sexual needs are, and seeking out a partner you're compatible with. I'm sure that with a little time and patience you'd find a woman who likes to be in control in the bedroom :)
     
    Makio likes this.
  9. slamd097

    slamd097 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2007
    Messages:
    485
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    damn...:D

    you would have to read my stories...good luck in your endevor..
     
  10. itsjustme48

    itsjustme48 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2008
    Messages:
    21
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    California
    if ypur gay and thats you then you shouldnt change it just find a good man
     
    Makio likes this.
  11. leonitoo

    leonitoo New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2008
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    The problem is that I dont like it as a person... I feel uncomfortable with it for a years, Im sure Ill never accept it... Do you think people that your fantasies determine your sexual identity? Im having transsexual and gay feelings only through my fantasies... I like more woman bodys and emotionally I like more womans, but most of my fantasies are that Im a woman having sex with man... and in real life I dont feel that same feelings toward man...and my feelings (sexual and emotional) toward woman in real are strong and not the same as in fantasy (but in fantasies I would like to be one of them)... Maybe the biggest problem is that conflict between my fantasies and real life...(I said I tried once sex with man and I didnt feel a 2 % of things I feel when I masturbate and in fantasies, I wasnt able to switch myself into woman as in fantasy, so there was no sex, we stopped after 5 min I wasnt aroused)... Thank you for your answers and advices... But my desires about future are happy relationship with a woman! What are problems ?...My mixed sexual identity established on porn, fantasies and masturbation over the years...which is transsexual/gay... and my passivity in sex with woman, sometimes erectile problems, but not arousal, just because of fear that I wouldnt do it right, that Im cheating that woman not telling here about my fantasies etc., and to be more penetrattive when with woman...
    What do you thinkare this changes possible?
     
  12. JuicyB

    JuicyB New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2006
    Messages:
    832
    Likes Received:
    15
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The Southern Cone
    It's a Free World!

    If you want to change, and someones tells you that you can't, make a nice tight fist, punch them in the nose, and tell them to fuck off! It's a free world and you have the God given right to change, or not change, or do exactly as you feel led to do! Never underestimate the power of FREE WILL! It's yours and don't let anyone con you out of giving it up!
     
  13. noling

    noling New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2008
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    In my experience you cannot change. Of course no one wants to be different. We all want to be 'normal' whatever that is. You can come to terms with it and decide that despite feeling you are a woman inside you can never bring yourself to live as a woman or go for surgery. The feelings never go away but you get on with life.

    On the other hand you can decide to face up to the reality that you will only be happy when you are a woman. Having sex with a man as a man will never satisfy you. Having sex with a man while dressed as woman is different. Having a vagina and making love to a man is something else again. It isn't just about sex either. It's about your emotional wellbeing. It's about being female, being yourself. Just being an ordinary woman. Ordinary women really don't appreciate how envious someone like me and you are of their ordinaryness.

    I think you really know what you are. Wishing it away won't work. You need to face up to it and decide what you are going to do. Put it away and live a lie forever like me or make the transition.

    Every day I wake up and wish I had been born female. Every day the reality stares me in the face. To be honest I see it as a form of disability. You can't do much about it.

    My mind is female, my body is male. I was dealt a bad hand in the poker game of life and so have you. :(
     
  14. leonitoo

    leonitoo New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2008
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Very honest post... The difference between you and me is that when I woke up in the morning I feel like a man not as a woman, my gender feelings are man, I get in conflict only when sexual desires push me so hard that I cant for now hwlp myself, I feel as a man all the time, expect my sexual feel time... Im very good in lots of sports and very male in it...But only sexuality is woman, thats driving me crazy...
     
  15. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2005
    Messages:
    6,823
    Likes Received:
    12
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Dixie Land
    You're drawn to women sexually
    You are not drawn to men sexually
    That would indicate that you aren't 'gay', by definition.

    Sounds like you are what one of our upstanding members here has called "A Lesbian in a Man's Body".

    The "Lesbian" part is the fact that you desire a relationship with a woman.
    The "in a Man's Body" part is the fact that, though you have a 'penis', you have underlying feminine tendancies/attributes that cause you to enjoy 'feeling' like a woman (perhaps enjoying pretty clothing, stockings, etc.).

    There are men just like you who are in loving long-term relationships with a woman, and that women is totally fine with her man uncovering his femininity - even in the bedroom. As far as feeling that, as a man you must be the dominant sexual partner, again - there are women who enjoy being the dominant sexual partner. And that doesn't make them any less a woman.

    Obviously, because of your particular tendencies, Your challenge will be in finding that partner. It may be a bit harder, but it CAN be done! In the mean time, I still think you need to talk out your inner turmoil with a professional (which none of us are), because it's hard for ANYONE to enter into a relationship when they have self-image or self-acceptance issues.
     
    glock27 likes this.
  16. Bluesy

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2006
    Messages:
    3,779
    Likes Received:
    14
    Gender:
    Female
    Perfect wisdom from a perfect :rose :tup
     
  17. fantasien

    fantasien New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2004
    Messages:
    997
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    San Francisco
    male Lesbian

    Oh my I am in the same boat. Add me to your buddies list.

    Sounds lesbian to me. You see, I am feeling the same way. But there are 'Male Lesbians'. cause see, Your sexual feelings are for women. But you have no arousal point to be with men. You see, with gender and sexual identities, Our mind is never binary. As in, it's never a 'straight' Line. It's very dynamic. And how some people, particularly Lesbians, say that Love is Fluid? If something is fluid in my observation, means Always Changing. It's more like a lightning bolt that cuts in between your left and right sides of the brain. Left being female, and right being male.

    I have found myself identifying completely with lesbians and shows like the L word, and South of Nowhere. So i know my lengths of femininity. But I also Am attracted and have fantasies that involve me as a male giving penetration. And the same way that two women have sex, (when they 'Bump' into each others pussies, is the act or the sensation of penetration.). I realised that after having sex with a woman for the first time that I am a bottom with women and with men I am a top. That is a good thing because it doesn't always have to be 'Penis concentrated'. Because I can be in control of what happens as a top with men, And because occaisionaly in the morning when i wake up, I hate my penis, and will not want to come in any kind of contact with it. . But with whemen, I enjoy the idea of the sensation of penetrating a woman, but with out actually penetrating her. So, I look at myself as a lesbian.

    lesbians, Where more of their minds operate on the 'male' side of the brain. But to all degrees, their gender expression is all over the place. Some very feminine and some almost like males. With gay males, Its more the same, except their minds are more on the female side. So, maybe, your just one of these 'male Lesbians'? I would recommend reading two books, Gender Outlaw by Kate Bornstien and PoMoSexuals edited by Carol Queen with preface by Kate Bornstien.

    But for me, I am embracing both sides. I present my gender expressions as they are. Mostly Gay male or Effeminate Is something I also feel sometimes. But you don't always have to act on it. If your not able or comfortable to do so, you don't have too. And, I want to Change and become female bodied, But it's also something that I'm slowly working myself into by taking steps.

    You are on a good track. Your thoughts are very intriguing.
     
    #17 fantasien, Jan 17, 2008
    Last edited: Jan 17, 2008
  18. fantasien

    fantasien New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2004
    Messages:
    997
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    San Francisco
    Rosey, You got it!!! I couldn't have said it better. Although, I provided a little info/Insite into how the brain may be working.
     
  19. JuicyB

    JuicyB New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2006
    Messages:
    832
    Likes Received:
    15
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The Southern Cone
    Mr. Kent B. Dunn!

    There are 2 things you can do with "Mr. Kent B. Dunn". You can obey him, and submit to great big NO. Or you can tell him to fuck off!

    Whatever you do, or chose not to do, my advice is NEVER reliquish your free will and majesty of choice!
     
  20. leonitoo

    leonitoo New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2008
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    It is so hard for me to change my fantasies and sexual identity,it seems that really is out of my control.... I dont know how to start... If I stay with my
    trans fantasies Im afraid that I will be no longer able to satisfy woman I will be with...and not even be satisfied myself... It is very chaotic situation... But I wont give up... Im truly sure that I cant live as a gay, and be in emotional/sexual relationship with man even my fantasies and current sexual identity suggest it...And Im sure that I wouldnt be satisfied living as a woman because I truly need male gender feelings... I didnt said that I find suicide better solution than living as a gay or transsexual, but I often contemplate that solution...God dammit if sexuality is sth we cannot change... Why am I having problems with accepting it... Im sure it is not about pressure of people around me... It is something inside me...When I was about 12 years old the first creature I falled in love was a girl... I just cant help myself in desire of being a heterosexual male and loving womans, even Im developed naturally into something opposite... Im a transsex...or gay or what...
    Thank you people on your answers I would like to continue communication...because it seems helpful even I dont see a proggress in my sexuality change...My momentally sexual life is porn addiction (mostly tranny)... And it is so hard to switch to sth else...
    And I cant live like this anymore... Where is free will in my life, I have a feeling that Im losing it, now it is not just a sexual problem... it becomes a life problem...Does anyone have some advise how to start to change in my situation...? Thank you :)