Can I give my boyfriend tips without hurting his feelings?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by coldwell, Jul 27, 2005.

  1. coldwell

    coldwell New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2004
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    PA
    My boyfriend is a bit inexperienced in the realm of pleasuring anyone other than himself, so sometimes even his best intentions fall short. Is there any way I can get him to, I don't know, read some articles that give advice or something...anything...without having to actually tell him what to do? I know he would take that the wrong way if I came right out and said anything, so can anyone think of some more subtle way to get him to sharpen his skills? Or at least to realize that what he's doing just isn't cutting it for me?
     
  2. Thorn

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2005
    Messages:
    4,151
    Likes Received:
    3
    In my opinion subtle hints have a good chance of not getting the message through. I know it's hard to talk about what you want and need from a partner when the relationship is new but if you could fine a way to just talk to him about it it would work to your advantage as well as his. He may take the hints the wrong way and that could hurt the relationship. I would think most guys would appreciate the fact that their g/f wants to enjoy sex and experience new levels of enjoyment in the process. Maybe someone else can suggest what to say or how to get the conversation started. :ugh
     
  3. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2005
    Messages:
    6,823
    Likes Received:
    12
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Dixie Land
    We women tend to think guys know what we want. LOL
    Whether he's experienced or not, what the last girl liked, you may abhor. so it's best to let him know what you like. I personally would not sit down with a new partner and have a systematic conversation with him. I would wait till you are in the heat of passion, when he strikes a body part that excites you, tell him right away, "OOOh that really felt good -- do that again--" If he doesn't really even come close to striking those good parts, give him some direction, " Baby, bring you tongue up just a little more -- yes---YES--OMG! that's so good " Compliment him and make your pleasure known when he does it right (even remotely right)

    I thinkk most guys would much rather have you come right out and tell them, rather than them trying to guess what's working, and what's not. And I think if you tell him in the above way, he's not going to feel like you are correcting him or schooling him.

    Good Luck!
     
  4. Thorn

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2005
    Messages:
    4,151
    Likes Received:
    3
    I agree Rose. Not a "systematic conversation" but try to start during foreplay let him know what you want/need. If you can cause the foreplay to last longer and be a little more centered on you than it has been that should help him realize the both of you need to receive pleasure from love making. :brow
     
  5. StrokerAce

    StrokerAce New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2005
    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    nowhere colorado
    Ok not sure if i did this right last time since im new but here goes. The first girl i was sexually active with told me in the heat of the action exactly what she wanted me to do. Seeing her being pleased and excited was better than me just getting off, i didnt mind at all.
     
  6. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2005
    Messages:
    6,823
    Likes Received:
    12
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Dixie Land
    I think you did it right, Ace! It's always good to hear from someone with true experience on the subject.
    btw - welcome to SexualForums!
     
  7. StrokerAce

    StrokerAce New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2005
    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    nowhere colorado
    Thanks for the welcome, seems like a really usefull sight :D
     
  8. fantasien

    fantasien New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2004
    Messages:
    997
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    San Francisco
    Yep it's a little family in here, Ace? Welcome..
     
  9. Unknown1

    Unknown1 New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2006
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Hamilton
    just outright tell him he needs to know this kind of stuff it shouldnt embarass him any hints really help :)
     
  10. igor

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2006
    Messages:
    4,110
    Likes Received:
    163
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Chicago area
    Suggestion for either sex when "instructing" your partner: Be positive rather than negative - for example say "I like it when you do xxxxx" or "I wish you would xxxxx" instead of "don't do xxxxx".
     
  11. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    3,754
    Likes Received:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Northern Indiana
    I believe that , When you are both in a mellow mood and cant
    really have sex at that time I would bring up the topic
    of what turns you on and make it a lenghty conversation.
    And also incorporate the topic of what turns him on into it
    So it will seem like a learning expereience for both of you.
    And it will be.:)
     
  12. freakychicky

    freakychicky New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    western ny
    Do we have the same BF???? lol Mine is the same way, can't say he's too inexperienced, since he used to date strippers, but man! He sucks in bed, and won't listen to anything I tell him when it comes to the bedroom.
     
  13. blackhawkflyarm

    blackhawkflyarm New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2006
    Messages:
    37
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Iraq
    Best way to tell a guy what you want is to show him. If he's doing something you like, make sure he knows with some noises or body language etc.

    If he isn't doing something right, don't stop and but up a brief. Just move whatever he is doing to the part you want it done to.

    Say he's all over your breasts and you want him to kiss your neck...pull his head up to you neck and make some noises to show him it's what you want.

    If they guy you're with is worth a damn (i.e. cares about you) he'll be looking for clues.

    Belive me, positive encouragement goes a lot farther than saying, "will you please stop molesting my nipples and nuzzele my neck!"

    Wait, did I say that out loud?
     
  14. fantasien

    fantasien New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2004
    Messages:
    997
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    San Francisco
    This would be interesting if it was the same guy!:whoa :phat

    What would happen if ti was? You two Could get together and molest eachother ad when He gets home include him in and then when your done, Throw him ouT!
     
  15. Joe

    Joe
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2005
    Messages:
    1,681
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Rocky Mountains
    My wife and I used to play a little game in which we'd take turns demonstrating what we'd like each other to do, 5 minute demonstration, then 5 minutes of doing what we were "instructed" to do. Obviously we have a few different parts, so we can only demonstrate in general, but you could make the "game" include further instructions detailing just what you want during the payback time period. STICK TO THE 5 MINUTES!

    Ours has ranged from foot rubs, to back rubs, to neck and ear nibbling, to oral sex and everything in between, but while you're the receiver you do nothing in return. It's fun and educational and can go on for hours. (You can repeat demonstrations, but not until you've done something different first.)

    On another note, I love it when my wife gives me instructions/tips, especially if she whispers and includes a little little moaning with them. "Mmmmm... just a little higher...ohhhh yessssss..... faster.... ohhhhhh gawdddd.... right THERE! Oh, just like that... pleeeasseee don't stop.... ummmmm... just a little softer.... oh yeah.... gawd you are soooo good.... ummmm.... just a little lower... uh huh... uh huh... ohhhhh yesssss...."
     
  16. freakychicky

    freakychicky New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    western ny
    yeah, until the guy starts saying ...cum, cum baby cum, repeatedly, so we lose our concentration on having an orgasm... lol
     
  17. AnonymousOne

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2006
    Messages:
    5,845
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    We refer to that as bad conduct...

    -drunk
     
  18. RedMatrix

    RedMatrix Banned

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2006
    Messages:
    98
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Texas
    Okay, I'm not going to read all the previous replys.

    I think it is better to tell him how you feel outright, because sometimes we are dull and don't "get" subtle hints.
     
  19. lancer674

    lancer674 New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2004
    Messages:
    83
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Chicago
    The bottom line? I'm getting mine. I tell my wife that all the time, all within the discussion that she had better tell me what it is that she wants. Now I'm pretty good at figuring out what it is that she wants but she is a pleaser and concerns herself with me. Now, I've had a couple of years to work on her, and now things are really fun...lick this, touch that, grap here. She has gotten a lot better at just coming right out and telling me, because like I said, I'm gettin mine. So now we have gotten pretty close to a one for one when it comes to orgasms.

    In my opinion, anything other then the direct approach takes that much more time away from everyone getting exactly what it is that they want.
     
  20. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2005
    Messages:
    6,823
    Likes Received:
    12
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Dixie Land
    That's true, but as you mentioned, you've had a couple years. When 2 people are learning to trust each other, things like this don't just come automatically. The fact that you encouraged her to tell you... and then were patient while she overcame inhibitions, helped to achieve your end result. Congratulations :tup

    Like you implied, communication (both talking and listening) is the best way to know what works in lovemaking.