Can I change her (sexually)?

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by ImLikasexmachin, Oct 8, 2007.

  1. ImLikasexmachin

    ImLikasexmachin New Member

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    she doesnt like giving head..

    can i get her to like it?

    can she change on her own?

    maybe porn movies will do it? we like them
     
  2. emerlyj

    emerlyj New Member

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    You can't really make her change, you have to allow her to do that on her own. But you must also accept that she may never change.
    What is it that she doesn't like about it?
     
  3. Nettle

    Nettle Member

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    It depends why she doesn't like giving head.

    Does she think it is dirty/unhygenic?

    Does she think nice people don't do that?

    You can't change her, but she might change her mind.

    I always felt that if a man gives oral to a woman it's only fair to return the favour. But it really depends on why she doesn't like it.
     
  4. Nettle

    Nettle Member

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    BTW if the only thing she is worried about is you cumming in her mouth, then you need to give advanced warning so she can stop and finish you another way.
     
  5. ImLikasexmachin

    ImLikasexmachin New Member

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    ehh.. havent gotten to into the reasons.. pretty sure gag reflex reasons, uncomfortable.. and is not that great at it and she realises that its not that great for me (even tho i fake it when it rarely happens) and of course i never come cuzz its not great

    but i LOVE IT!! even when its not feeling amazing.. watching is half the reason i love it. I return the favor but only at the same rate that i recieve it..

    theres also a past history.. she was.. forced into some things one time by a real jerk a loonnggg time ago.. this has to do with why she doesnt like it aswell i believe.

    but we are both perfectionists and she wants to start getting into it she says.. but any time it starts too happen she looks likes shes miserable during the act..

    whatevs.. its not hurting our relationship.. it would just be nice thats all
     
  6. Nettle

    Nettle Member

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    If she was forced to do it in the past then I can understand her reluctance. Let her have complete control over the act, and don't thrust into her mouth as it can be scary if she is worried about choking/gagging.

    Tell her what you love about it, at least she is willing to try, and wants to please you. If she is looking miserable, it might be from her past experience or maybe she's just concentrating on the task.

    We are not all porn stars with big smiles on our faces and announcing how great it is ;)
     
  7. Dreama

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    You can't make anyone love to do anything. Be patient with her. If she comes around, great. If not, don't push the matter.
     
  8. emerlyj

    emerlyj New Member

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    It sounds really positive if she does want to try and do it, just make sure she is ready for it and not only doing it for you.
    Like Nettle said you need to make sure she feels she is in control or she probably will start feeling uncomfortable. Maybe also try to incorporate her sucking your cock into the foreplay, it will take the pressure of having to make you cum out of the equation and will get her more accustomed to having your cock in her mouth. It also means that she can stop when she wants to without feeling guilty because then you move on to penetrative sex. This may also increase her confidence with doing it.
     
  9. whitewater

    whitewater New Member

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    I'm in the same boat. My fiance doesn't like doing it either. She will occasionally do it if I manuever her into a 69 position, but she has never gone down on me on her own.
     
  10. Barbwire

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    Well, that is the wrong attitude, but that's a whole nuther topic now, isn't it?

    If she was forced to give oral sex, then, speaking from personal experience, it may take her years to get over it, if she gets over it at all. I suggest the real issue here isn't what she will or will not do for YOU, it is HER mental health and well being. If she was forced to do ANYTHING sexual, she mostly likely needs some counseling, IMO.

    I wouldn't be so concerned with trying to get her to suck your dick. I'd be concerned with her and her feelings and the fact she was abused.
     
  11. Buffalo204

    Buffalo204 Member

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    There is a myth that a relationship should be a 50-50 thing. That may be OK for the short term but for the long haul it has to be 100-100. Both need to give all. DO NOT KEEP COUNT! Do anything you can to please her and she may just surprise you. Hell she may just blow your socks off!!
     
  12. Joe

    Joe
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    I agree with the others who have suggested it's a bad idea to only give in the amount you receive. If you enjoy giving her oral sex, just do it.

    The fact that "she wants to start getting into it" is a VERY positive sign. Give her time and show your appreciation when she tries. I wouldn't mention that it "is not that great".

    My wife was forced to do it as a child. She's now 52 and still doesn't like it. Of course I don't force the issue. It's been several years now since she's done it for me. It'll probably never happen again. Sad, because to me it's a very important part of making love, but that's the way the cookie crumbles.

    And to answer your question, I don't think there's a way to make someone enjoy an activity they dislike. Keep yourself clean so that's not an issue when it does happen, and make giving her oral sex a regular event. I always go down on my wife when we're having sex unless she says no. The only payoff is that we both enjoy it, but MAYBE someday she'll return the favor.
     
  13. dwj21

    dwj21 New Member

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    yeah i am in the same boat. it is very frustrating. at least you have her talking about it and wanting to try it more. that is a positive. i got it on the regular in the beginning, but it seemed as though when we did get married it declined massively, so much that i haven't gotten a full blow job in over a year and only once did she say stick your dick down my throat. she was drunk and much to my surprise she made that comment. i did it but it never went anywhere because she was drunk.

    i don't know what to tell you besides take it slow and follow others opinion's on here. and if you like to eat puss, then by all means do it as often as you can. i do. and that may be my saving grace one day..lol. but anyway, go down on her if you like it. if you resist due to not receiving you are being rude and selfish. good luck bro...
     
  14. Halogen

    Halogen New Member

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    This girl was forced into doing it by an old predatory boyfriend, and you still think she could do it for you? :eek

    Personally? I'd drop it, lock stock and barrel. Especially if she was forced into doing it before. Unless she gets counseling, there's no way she's ever going to be 100% comfortable with it.

    (P.S.: If you were a cool boyfriend, you'd do oral on her anyway, no matter what she gives or doesn't give.)
     
  15. MikeDog

    MikeDog New Member

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    She can change but it will take time and caring on your part to make it fun for her.
     
  16. Bluesy

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    I'm with CL and Halogen on this. Desire to perform doesn't mean she'll be able to...She may or may not get past this without counseling, but I would look into it if I were her.

    The ultimate answer here is "no". You can either accept a person for who they are, or you move on and find someone who's more to your liking. If you want to hang in there and hope for the best, you're going to need to develop a shitload of patience.

    What has gag reflex got to do with it? She doesn't think she has to deep throat you while giving a BJ, does she? If so, you'd better hurry up and change that misconception of hers. Few women are able to DT, and she should never be made to feel like it's important to you.

    Have the two of you tried it using a flavored condom? Do you tell her when you're cumming? Does she know she can move and let you cum elsewhere (or onto yourself, or into a towel)? How have you tried to make the process easier and more pleasant, in other words?
     
    #16 Bluesy, Oct 8, 2007
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2007
  17. NJboyToy19

    NJboyToy19 New Member

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    Well obviously you cant force her to do it or like it. Just have to hope she grows to like it. I did not like Onions when I was younger but now i do so there is always hope lol.
     
  18. Faust

    Faust New Member

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    I will pray for you.
     
  19. MsEspresso

    MsEspresso New Member

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