Can a man whore stop being a man whore?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by sandwich, Sep 24, 2012.

  1. sandwich

    sandwich Gold Member

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    So this is the counseling corner of the forum, eh? I usually log on for fun, but this is dead serious, so I would appreciate input because I have been unexpectedly thrust into a relationship dilemma, and I am completely perplexed, and I do not easily become this uncertain.

    I mean no offense to the man whores out there, by the way. I don't feel like going into a long description of my friend's past behavior, so I called it how I see it. One of my brothers is a man whore, and I love him no matter what.

    So here is what happened....

    A friend of mine has been after me ever since my ex fiance and I broke up, and because he's a friend, I have told him plainly why I won't go out with him. There have been three problems: 1) I don't want to be his next man whore conquest, 2) he has a history of responsibility issues, and 3) he has had a pattern of drinking way too much.

    We have been friends for about four years, and I think he liked me even when I was with my ex. If you know me from this forum, then you know I am a music lover, and I play and write too, and it's one of the most important things in my life. My friend sings and plays in a local band, and he writes too. He is the sexiest man I have ever met, and he is dripping with the kind of sensuality I like. He even follows most of the same sports teams I follow, and he organizes these fun group cycling days a couple times a year.

    He was at my birthday party last night, and I figured his band would play for me, but no, he went all acoustic on me and played and sang by himself. It was amazing, and it was as if he was singing to my insides. It's hard to explain, but it was like he was singing to the place where my breathing meets my feelings.

    Later I went up to use the upstairs hall bathroom because the downstairs bathroom was occupied. When I came out he was waiting for me and said he wanted to talk, so we were talking, and then he told me he wanted to give me a birthday kiss, and before I knew it we were kissing, and then I was up against the hallway wall. Then all of a sudden his hand was up my skirt and he was rubbing me, and he was still kissing me, and then after a while he removed his hand and took my hand and put it on his cock on the outside of his jeans, and then after so many seconds he took my hand off and pressed his entire body against me. He was still kissing me, and in between kisses he told me how badly he wanted to fuck me, and that he knew how badly I wanted it, and then he started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me and what he wanted me to do to him. Everything he said was very explicit in the exact way I've wanted for a long time.

    So then someone else was coming up the stairs, and I escaped and went back down to the party. I haven't even gotten to the real perplexing part, but I'm going to post this and come back in a few minutes after I get a glass of water.
  2. GirlNextDoor

    GirlNextDoor New Member

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    Anxiously waiting for the rest!

  3. justaniceguy

    justaniceguy Member

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  4. sandwich

    sandwich Gold Member

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    Here's the perplexing part...

    My friend walked out with me when I left the party, and I asked him why he thought he could say all those things to me, and he said he just knew and that he's known for most of the time he's known me. I've never told anyone about these things, so can someone really see this in another person? What if he was guessing?

    And then he put his arms around my waist and told me he loved me. I asked him how he could possibly love me when we've never spent any one on one time together (mostly because I don't trust myself to be alone with him). Then he reminded me of the time last February when he called me and asked me if I would go out with him if he changed. I told him that he should assume that I would not, and that if he was going to make any changes in his life that he needed to do it for himself. Rarely do I use the words should and need on my friends, but there comes a time when it makes sense when you care about someone. He told me that was the moment he knew he loved me. He went on to say that a week or so before he asked me this that his boss threatened to put him on a six month probationary period if he didn't immediately stop coming in late and missing important meetings. To fail the probationary period would mean firing. He was in the habit of starting his weekends on Wednesdays, and he was hungover most Thursdays and Fridays. He said his talk with his boss was a wake up call for his entire life.

    So he kissed me on the forehead and I left, and I've been mulling it over ever since. I haven't seen him with a girl since maybe May, and it's been maybe since March or April that he has stopped his excessive drinking completely. I do not think he is an alcoholic, by the way. At a July 4th cookout he picked me up and announced that some day I would come to my senses and I would be his.

    Then today I was at a football party he was at (the band guys rotate having NFL gatherings during football season), and he sat next to me on the couch with his arm around me. I told him on the phone earlier in the week that I had a cycling date with someone this morning, so he would have been aware of that. Then when I left he walked out with me again and asked me if he would come hear him play on Friday and if I would spend the entire day with him Saturday. It's his turn to host the football party on Sunday, and I'm thinking he wants me to spend the weekend, but I could be wrong about that. I said I was already planning to come hear him play, and that I couldn't say one way or the other about the rest of it.

    So there is more, but that's enough to explain my man whore question. I figured he might settle down in twenty years and now this is slapping me in the face. I don't want to be fooled, and even if he's serious, I'm not sure I want to be his little monogamy experiment. And the notion of dating a while to get to know each other would be weird because we usually talk on the phone about three or even more times a week. And I do love him as a friend, so if I spent the night I'm pretty sure I would fall for him hard and fast. I have had sex with that man over and over in my imagination.
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2012
  5. lbushwalker

    lbushwalker Gold Member

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    Talk about sexual tension; perfect example here!
    Both have the super hots for the other but obviously uncertainties abound.
    Sandy, I think that you have already caved in but just holding out on him to show your strength of character and yeah some folks are easier to read than a book.
    That is coming from another (now tamed) man whore ;)
  6. sandwich

    sandwich Gold Member

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    So what tamed you, and do you still feel like you are being yourself? I don't want to "tame" anyone, and I don't live under any illusion that I'm the only one for him. If he really changed for himself then that would be something. How can I tell?
  7. lbushwalker

    lbushwalker Gold Member

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    I'm tamed now because this person gives me everything that no single one alone could before.
    I guess meeting the right person offering the whole package deal and it does not change me fundamentally as a person but satisfies all my needs and desires so now I am like a content well nourished Tom Cat purring on a rug in front of an open fireplace.
    Beware tho' the inner beast still exists and she knows that well.......:dgrin
  8. GirlNextDoor

    GirlNextDoor New Member

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    This is super hot!!

    Question: what do you really mean by he is a man whore though?
    Did he ever have sex with girls and then dump them or cheat on them?
    Was he disrespectful or perhaps just sowing his wild oats?
    It's important to know because there is a big difference in the two I think.
    It's definitely possible he was just having fun before but thinks he could take things seriously with you.
  9. lbushwalker

    lbushwalker Gold Member

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    This is a real intrigue.
    Two egos going head to head knowing the other's weaknesses.
    Already there is incredible sexual tension and each working on the other's weak spot yet both aching for one another.
    Which will give in first?
    The Damsel for the song or the Lyric for the songbird?
    Has he done enough to woe her or is she strong enough to be convinced that his change of colour is only superficial?
    Bets on folks and I am going with my own kind but would not place my house on the outcome!
  10. lbushwalker

    lbushwalker Gold Member

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    She likes a Bad Dude is what this is about :D
  11. octavius

    octavius Member

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    Wow super hot story. I think you might have some pretty awesome sex with this guy but he is NOT going to settle down and stop being what he is. He has far too much practice at it. Maybe in 25 years.
  12. Lover4You

    Lover4You New Member

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    Yull never know if you don't take a chance. ou could ask his intentions. Set some ground rules. See what he thinks. But where you are now is exactly what you don't want, since yur not dating but yur acting like yur dating. Just saying. Pple can change but they have to do it themselves.
  13. veater

    veater New Member

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    I would wait it out. If hes truly changed then let him be this way for a year or so just to be sure. If he hasn't changed then he will go back to his old ways. Heck even tell him just say yeah I've wanted you but I don't trust you yet and I wont until the person you have become is actually a new you and i don't feel its an act.
  14. BitchN

    BitchN New Member

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    Explain what you mean by man whore?

    I'm kinda with Door on this.......is he a true man whore or is he just having fun?
    Alot of our friends have been or still are in bands.....and I know from hanging out at the bars when they play out that they pretty much can and do go home with somebody......hell, the last time we went to watch some friends play at a bar, 2 members of the band went out side with a chick and she gave them both a blow job behind the bar. To me that's not a man whore.....the man whores that I know fuck one girl on Wed. then fuck another one on Thur. all the while talking to another one on the phone about going out o a date......also know a few man whores that are married......wife has no clue he's fucking the next door neihgbor's wife, and getting in on with a girl where he works......

    One of our friends....who was the leader singer in a band.......said he couldn't even go to the bath room without a chick stopping and asking to suck his cock......he swears he never did it :eyes
  15. sandwich

    sandwich Gold Member

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    B and Door are right...I should have explained what I meant by man whore.

    For him, the behavior pattern he has been in has covered two periods of his life, so it's not been constant. He did the college thing where he went from girl to girl just for sex, and never had a gf. So there was no cheating.

    Then after graduation until about my age (30) he dated and had three serious girlfriends, and the last one he really loved, and he was thinking of marrying her. She dumped him after two plus years, and he was broken hearted, kind of how I was when my ex fiance and I broke up.

    That's when he tossed the idea of a relationship out the window and reverted to casual sex. He does not end up with girlfriends, just one girl at a time for a night or two. I was actually tempted to do that myself after my break up, but I saw what it did to a female friend of mine, and I decided against it.

    He is now 38, so we're talking about an eight year run. So maybe that's not a man whore according to some definitions, but I couldn't begin to count the number of women I've seen him with in the four years I've known him. There is not a chance in the world that I would give him the time of day if he was a cheater. That's how my engagement ended.

    The three other band guys are in their early to mid thirties, and they are all married with kids. I have never seen anything suspicious going on with these guys, and I've been around them at the places they play and in their homes, and even on a group vacation once. The guys all have full time jobs, so they do the band thing mostly for fun. It reminds me of one big extended family.

    I am friends with the wives, and I've gotten to know them pretty well, so if anything is going on they are not telling me. I've told them about how he paints his past, and they said it's pretty accurate. They said he's a pretty good guy. The one wife said at the football party that it was great that we finally started dating. I didn't say anything, because I am still perplexed.

    I am not naive, but I have not ventured down the casual sex path. The one time I set out to have a one night stand was when I was a virgin, and we were together for fifteen months.

    He called me at work today to tell me he meant it when he said he loved me. I told him that my baggage does not allow me to put too much stock into "I love you". He said that he understood that, and that he had baggage too. I told him that if he was just saying that to get into my pants that he would lose my friendship. He said my friendship has been the most important one of his life and that he would never do that to me. That's where we left it. I did not promise him anything one way or the other.
  16. cbrmale

    cbrmale Gold Member

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    I'm like this. Several years of one night stands, many years of marriage and now one night stands again. We try and leave it behind but we can't and the temptation is too great. And when you restart you remember why you did it all those years ago.

    It's like my new motorcycle. Just as much fun now as then and I wished I never stopped riding.

    So once a man whore always a man whore.
  17. GirlNextDoor

    GirlNextDoor New Member

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    Thanks for explaining :)
    To me,he does not sound like a manwhore.
    He sounds like a guy who got his heart broken and who gave up on love for a little while.After break ups sometimes you have a hard time opening your heart again and so you just decide to have fun instead.
    Maybe all the girls he was with he was just not feeling?
    And he has realized that he does care for someone,you :)
  18. Trond

    Trond Gold Member

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    This. It sounds like a joke, but I'm afraid that it's probably correct. Sandwich probably knows it too, which is why she's uncertain although she's attracted to the guy.

    Here's one sign:
    " He was still kissing me, and in between kisses he told me how badly he wanted to fuck me, and that he knew how badly I wanted it, and then he started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me and what he wanted me to do to him."

    But later this:
    "And then he put his arms around my waist and told me he loved me."

    The first strategy didn't work, so he goes for the next one. He knows what you're thinking because he's had plenty of practice on other women. Usually, if the intentions are romantic, those words would come the other way round. But maybe I'm just old-fashioned.:eyes
  19. sandwich

    sandwich Gold Member

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    Yes, I've thought about the whole possibility of it being a strategy. If I hadn't known him for so long I would say that is what it is for sure. If that's what it is then he is lower than low. Right now my gut is telling me otherwise, but I haven't had sex since my ex and I broke up last year, so I don't trust my own motives.

    I'm going to talk to one of my brothers who tries to get every woman he meets into bed. He may have know idea that the whole family has figured it out, so now he will know that I know. He may get mad at me at first, but then I think he will talk about it.

    And I am having dinner with the guy from then dog park...he's picking me up in about 30 minutes. I've never been into dating two guys at once, and I'm not exactly doing that now, but I don't want to make a mess of it. Since I am sleeping with neither one of them I am not going to worry about it right now. Opinions on this would be welcome because I really don't know what I'm doing.
  20. sandwich

    sandwich Gold Member

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    For the record since it's come up a couple times...yes, I like a bad boy, but really only in my fantasies. I have never dated one and never intend to. I want a nice guy with some very very pervy tendencies.