CAN A MAN GET BORED OF SEX??? just married men please

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by tictac, Apr 1, 2007.

  1. tictac

    tictac New Member

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    hello you men !! it's me again...i talked to my husband and he said that he doesn't want to have sex very often because he's probably gonna get bored of this,i suggested going to a sex shop and buy new things and he said ,what's wrong with you? are you crazy?
    he also says that since his family (parents and bros) who live abroad don't really care about him ( calls or letters) he's depressed and that is affecting him very much and he can't stop thinking about that, is that possible guys ?? that much??:eyes besides he also says that he's got many responsibilities and he can't relaxed .do you all feel like that about sex when you've got bills to pay?

    but when i touch him or give oral to him which i really love while he's watching tv in order to have a great night!!! you know what i mean??.... he says ..0hhhhh..that feels so nice baby! but don't you dare to have sex with me because I'm relaxed now!!:eek
    and if i use a sexy outfit he says " you look pretty"....and that's it!!
    i even did all the things he asked me for in bed!! and i don't really mind 'cause is my husband and i do love him...
    and when we make love he doesn't even touch my tits or my butt if I'm on top.
    what would you do guys do if the woman you love kiss you or touch you won't you kiss her or touch her back???

    ....what can i do to help him guys? what do you do to feel relaxed? :nerv
    he's abroad now and i wanna have something special when he comes back..what do you suggest??
     
  2. cbrmale

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    In the last thread you posted, I mentioned that in twenty years of marriage I've had sex about 4000 times or so. I never get bored of sex: we love each other very much and our sex is part of our love for each other. This morning, Sunday morning, it was a relaxed bonding of two lovers, what a better way to start the day?

    I am fortunate in that we are financially well-off, so I don't worry about finances. But my job has the potential to stress me, if I let it. But what happens is I switch it off when I come home and leave the worries behind. Worry doesn't do anyone any good you know. So I relax as soon as I walk in the front door, home is time for me and my family, and for my wife and I to share love.

    Your husband seems emotionally distant, and there may be issues in his past preventing him from getting intimate with sex. Not only is he passive when you are on top, but does not respond to your advances. My wife was also passive with sex because had issues from her past. We talked a lot, and once we uncovered her Christian guilt complex over sex, she was able to deal with it. Once she realised her guilt was hurting me and preventing her from enjoying sex, she changed herself.

    It seems to me your husband has some issues about sex too, and you should talk to him about it. If that doesn't work you should seek counselling with a psychologist. Psychologists are trained in sex, they talk to a lot of couples about enhancing sex, and a psychologist may be able to help you if you cannot find what it is that is preventing him from letting go. In the longer term, counselling may save your marriage, because sexual frustration can be a relationship-breaker.
     
  3. SexyScorp

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    Oh

    This is making me feel more that marriage can, for many, (not all of course) be a passion killer....

    I am definately gonna think in terms of lovers rather than husbands in the future...

    Maybe for an element of the population, marriage is for procreation...God love us, I never thought i would say that....but its what i feel......!!!

    Too predictable living together...familiarity and contempt come to mind...

    i think Bella and Mel have the right idea, taking a woman lover.....haha

    lol
     
  4. Elvis

    Elvis Member

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    We males are almost as weird as women.
    We go through phases in life and they're too numerous to explain.
    Maybe it's too much sex to begin with and the novelty wears off for a while.
    Sometimes it's simply stress of work and paying the bills.

    As with women, we're all different and just as changeable, but we don't have PMT as an excuse.
    No two men are the same, merely similarly formed, but while some are up for sex all the time, others are less inclined to need it often.
    Basically some of us get downright lazy at times and just can't be bothered.

    It's either a phase or he's just a couch potato and there isn't always a cure for the problem.

    Back to basics, the only way to find out is by communication, sometimes the most difficult part of a male/female relationship.
     
  5. SexyScorp

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    A lot of men seem to be very keen to pursue a woman...
    ...and then when the catch is over....as was just said, they
    become lazy and cant be bothered.....

    My advice....if you intend to stay in a "forever" relationship..
    keep them on their toes....

    For me the most potent phase of a relationship is just before
    you have sex with the guy...then they are SO keen to take you,
    it can be intoxicating....alas this feeling never lasts.........

    I speak with a woman who has only been with her man for three
    years...he never approaches her for sex and each night they sit
    together in silence watching tv....

    Initially he couldnt get enought of her, then the cohabiting thing
    set in and they are now like the proverbial married couple....

    She is beautiful....sensual and a very wise Goddess of a woman..

    Whereas he is a stupid and selfish fecking eejit...

    And there I rest my case..!!

    PAH!!

    :)
     
  6. cbrmale

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    One full month after I got married, I got very sick with unfortunate life-long consequences. Certainly that encouraged me NEVER to take anything for granted. In some ways it became a curse... But my wife wouldn't trade me for anything, because she loves me as much as I love her, and she certainly KNOWS I love her because we are always naked together.

    And as for full-time all female relationships, unfortunately the term 'Lesbian bed death' rings true. Why is it that so many relationships fall into a sexual trough? Doesn't make sense to me, but then I look at things with a perspective shaped by near-disaster.
     
  7. SexyScorp

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    What is Lesbian bed death....

    Tread carefully too.....there are women here who have
    women lovers, I can recall two.....

    :)

    Love the way you write btw...especially the last line..very profound!!!
     
  8. Brad

    Brad New Member

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    Hiya Tictac

    Your original topic has potential to be very deep indeed. I think cbrmale spoke a lot of good sense.

    For a woman to have her SO not wanting or responding to sexual advances might raise the question, “Is he bored with sex?”. More damagingly it might raise the question, “Does he no longer find me stimulating?”

    If your husband is suffering from depression even at a mild level, that can destroy his libido and desire. It is a medical problem that needs treatment as in my mind the affects of this condition are often massively underestimated.

    But then some folks even when feeling just a little down will use the word depressed so it needs to be discussed.

    On the subject of stress (never underestimate the potential impact):

    Stress also can have a massive impact on a man’s libido. Whether that be financial concerns or increasingly common, work related stress.

    Work related when folks don’t switch off when they get home from work and continue working day and night. Downsizing that requires a person to do the work of two or three individuals. Pressure, pressure, pressure.

    I personally suffered this for a two year period when I worked in the office for 8 hours then at home from 6pm until about midnight plus most weekends.

    It foolishly took me two years to realise that I had nearly wrecked my marriage and lost most of my friends for work success. The turning point was one day when my wife said, “Do you realise we have gone a full year without a single night out?” Holidays were non existent.

    That period taught me a hard lesson, being work to live, not the other way round.

    Luckily for me (very much so), my wife is exceptionally understanding and loyal.

    In your situation Tictac, it seems clear that there are deep issues that need to be resolved. If these issues can not be overcome by deep and calm discussion with open minds, then counselling might be the next best step.

    I would never recommend a lover in any such circumstances. I’d say end it first then look at pastures new. Not that you might at all be thinking of taking on a lover I add.

    You know, being married for 15 years this year, I have to admit that there are times when I just know that I have taken my wife for granted. I think all long term relationships take a lot of working at to keep them on the boil.

    Periodically now I sit back and honestly ask myself, “Am I really giving my wife the time, loving and respect that she deserves?”

    It normally requires some adjustment from myself.

    Finally to answer the question, “Can a man get bored of sex?”

    Not I, but circumstances can take me off the boil temporarily.

    I’ve rambled on long enough.
     
  9. anopheles

    anopheles New Member

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    It absolutely doesn't have to be that way. It's all about variation, experimentation, and being open. Sometimes it's boring and routine, but just good enough to "knock the edge off". Other times, "you can't remember your name, and can't find a towel fast enough before you pass out so you sleep in the wet spot." Keep it unpredictable, and you'll keep it satisfying.
     
  10. SexyScorp

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    Aha

    All well if you live with an unpredictable partner....

    Not all of us do!!!!!
     
  11. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    I think i am getting more into the idea of never getting married..
    It is a passion killer for many married couples..

    Lovers rather than a ring and peice of paper.
    just my little thought.
     
  12. cbrmale

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    There are many types of love (someone could write a novel with that theme) and if you get married, you must make sure you have the correct ingredients.

    Eros is the physical, sexual side of love. It is needing and desiring, and wanting the other person physically. The physical, sexual side of love called "Cupid" by the Romans.

    Agape is the altruistic, giving, nondemanding side of love. It is an active concern for the life and growth of those whom we love. It is most clearly demonstrated by a parent´s love for a child. Agape is an unconditional affirmation of another person. It is a Greek term for spiritual love.

    Philos is the love found in deep and enduring friendships. It is also the kind of love described in the biblical injunction "Love thy neighbor as thyself." It is also the greek term for the love found in deep, enduring friendships; a general love of humanity.

    The best type of love includes a blend of all three: where you are best friends, soulmates and sexually attracted to each other. But many marriages are based around a blend of Agape and Philos, and are intrinsically non-sexual.

    My own theory is a person needs a few relationships before marriage to learn what love isn't, then they will recognise true love when it appears. I did this, I had a couple of Agape - Philos relationships which I broke off, because they didn't seem all there. And then I met someone who blew me away, and I realised the 'love' I felt for my previous girlfriends was something different to the complete love I came across by pure chance.

    I am a firm believer in marriage, but as an erotic - agape - philos relationship. One of the great things about marriage is the comfort you get from each other, waking up on a Sunday with gentle and relaxed sex for example. Planning your next holiday together, putting on some music you both enjoy listening to. This is love expressed in marriage, because it is sexual and because it is a shared relationship of two people who are connected on different levels.
     
  13. cbrmale

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    Lesbian bed death is a psychological term for full-time lesbian couples who gradually become non-sexual over time. They love each other, but drift into a friendship-type mode, and the sex drops away to almost nothing. It is very common, it is thought that about three-quarters of lesbian couples suffer from a significant drop-off in sexual activity. By significant, sex may happen once every few weeks or months.

    One theory is that testosterone fuels male sex drive, and men are generally more sexual. Take male out of the relationship, and you take away the testosterone-fuelled horniness.

    Odd to quote this in a thread where a woman is asking for advice to get her husband horny, but by and large long-term heterosexual relationships are more sexual than long-term lesbian relationships.

    And I am talking lesbian here, not bisexual.
     
  14. SexyScorp

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    Thanks cbrmale

    The term sounded somewhat "ominous"

    Appreciate the explanation!!!
     
  15. Funseeker

    Funseeker New Member

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    Men do not get bored of the kind of attention you are willing to give. Nobody gets tired of good sex and an enthusiastic partner is never boring.

    In my dangerous life, every day I walk out the door, I know can be my last. Some of us (men) would not ignore the attention of someone that clearly want to be with us.
     
  16. Elvis

    Elvis Member

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    The same could be said for any one of us, life is dangerous.
    Every day people leave home never to return, whether their life is dangerous or not, but few people stop to consider this when leaving for work each day.

    I've had more near misses performing less than dangerous pursuits than when I was involved in the so called dangerous ones.

    For some men the challenge of regular sex, even if it's good, can be too much to ask.
     
  17. cbrmale

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    People do get bored of sex, and people don't often think that every day could be their last. You don't need to be in a dangerous occupation, just driving a car to work can end in disaster.

    There was a recent survey where British pensioners were asked for their biggest regrets in life. Number one (more than 70%) wished they'd had more sex, number two was they wished they'd had more international travel.
     
  18. SexyScorp

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    I think there is more to it than boredom...

    A lot of men (and women of course) come to fear intimacy
    it is too challenging for them and entails a certain amount of
    "surrendering" to the other.....

    Sex is only the tip of the iceberg with some....
     
  19. Atilla

    Atilla New Member

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    I think I would look at all the possible causes first:

    * Is he depressed?
    * Is he stressed?
    * Illness?
    * Over-tiredness
    * Children who wake in the night or want to sleep in your bed

    Maybe love is not there anymore
     
  20. tictac

    tictac New Member

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    do women believe life is a fairy tale??

    i had been so concerned about my husband's sexual drive but yesterday he came back from visiting his ill dad (ill 2 months ago, sexual problems since 2005) and he asked me desperately for having sex and it was so so good because i felt so desired again , he did all the wonderful things he used to when we were just boyfriend and girlfriend
    we had such a great time, we made love twice which is very unusual for us in a day,i put on a sexy outfit and it really worked and i had the best orgasm ever !!!!!
    I'm so happy having him around again but I've just realized that i usually get too horny even when he kisses me or just touch me!! o when i feel his perfume, it even does not matter if he hasn't had a shower.is that common?
    we're always kissing or hugging to each other or saying "i love you" but as all you know i was worried about the "never in the mood thing" and MAINLY FOR his weird reasons for not having sex!

    I've talked to him from the bottom of my heart and explained my reasons for being concerned he understand and says that he thinks that is unfair to judge a man who is not so crazy about sex , despite the fact this men is responsible, cleans up, cooks,no drinking(just socially) no smoking, never says no to my requirements, pays the bills, doesn't go out with friends,do the dishes....and since we're Latin Americans that's very unusual for the "MACHO THING CULTURE" .
    he says that is unfair to judge a man who's got an "A" in everything but sex!! like if it was a fairly tale where the prince is:

    * handsome
    * rich
    * skilled lover
    * muscular
    * cleans up
    * cooks ETC ETC....... NO DEFECTS!!! HE SAYS ; do still women believe that life is a fairy tale??

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