Can a fantasy go too far?

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by skinnyminnie, Aug 15, 2014.

  1. skinnyminnie

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    I have had a desire to have sex with my boyfriend's good friend for several years. I have never acted on it, even though there were times I could have. We both have been very respectful. I even went so far as to cut off communication with him completely unless totally neccessary, but then he started texting me again.

    The problem is I can't stop fantasizing about him. Just about every time I masturbate and half of the time when I have sex, I think of him. He gives me explosive orgasms - sometimes five in a row. I didn't think this was a big deal at first, but this crush has been going on for over four years.

    The worst part is my bf is such a sexual guy and he's always asking what turns me on because he wants to please me even more. He's curious to know what I'm thinking while I'm screaming my head off, but I don't want to say what's really causing me to have these orgasms.

    Understand I am attracted to my guy. He's sweet, gives me tons of orgasms, and he's a great provider. His friend is an asshole and a commitment-phobe. I'm not planning to fuck his friend. My question is is it wrong to have such a strong desire for someone else even if you never speak of it or act on it? Has anyone else been through this?
     
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  2. teamster145

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    I don't think so as long as you don't act on them. I think that is one thing that keeps sex new and fresh.
     
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  3. BlueCollar

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    Sexual fantasies about a spouses friend or relative are pretty common.
    Plus you describe his friend of being the exact opposite of your guy. So that's part of it to I think.
    It's a fantasy that gets you off. That's great and there's no harm in keeping it going for yourself.

    My advice is to keep it that way. And all will be well and fine. :)
     
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  4. skinnyminnie

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    You guys make me feel so normal. I was feeling so guilty about it. I was thinking that because its the same person over and over it might be bad or obsessive.
     
  5. cbrmale

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    About half of married men and women have actual affairs (true), and many more fantasise about affairs, so thinking or acting on extra-marital sex is quite normal.
     
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  6. skinnyminnie

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    That's true. I didn't think of that. I've had my issues with fidelity, but I hear people speak so negatively about "emotional cheating." They make it sound like it's the worst thing you could do. I've even heard some say emotionally cheating is worse than physically cheating. Like somehow it means you don't love your SO because you're attracted to someone else.
     
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  7. lbushwalker

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    Skinny, that is a totally normal sexual fantasy.
    The grass always seems greener on the other side and the forbidden fruits seem the sweeter.
    Yours is a great fantasy to hold on to but I would bet that living it out would be a huge disappointment.
     
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  8. hollydollyrose22

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    It's totally normal, first off. I always want to bang my current boyfriends best friend. Just the idea of getting his best friend to break bro-code for you, turns me on. It makes me feel like I'm some drop dead gorgeous princess that men will fight over and this feeling might be what you're attracted to. It's forbidden and we as women are naturally attracted to what's forbidden.
     
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  9. hollydollyrose22

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    You said it yourself, his best friend is an asshole so it doesn't sound like it's HIM turning you, as much as it sounds like getting him to fuck you, that does. Im probably wrong, but that's just my take.
     
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  10. Ed69

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    This is why monogamy sucks,and my wife and I play with who ever the hell we want!:confused:Why limit yourself to one play partner?o_O
     
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  11. skinnyminnie

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    Yes, his actions in his every day life are repulsive. I can't stand that about him, but we do have a lot in common and there is an obvious sexual tension. He is this stupid playboy and I'm the relationship type. I would never go after a guy with his history, but my mind can't help but think what if I did let go of my inhibitions once? It doesn't help that he has this amazing body. Drives me crazy.
     
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  12. skinnyminnie

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    Tell me about it! Me and my boyfriend have been together for 7 years and I have tried to convince him that monogamy is so dumb. I think it limits us. I can see the downfalls of polygamy, but that's another story.

    I actually convinced him to go to a swingers party with me. He said he would go, but we can't touch or have sex with anyone else. I said screw that. I'm not going to pay $120 to tease myself all night. He doesn't even want me getting lap dances at strip clubs unless he can watch and if I tip the girls too much he gets jealous.
     
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  13. Doitagain

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    It is normal for sure. I may have a slightly different outlook though. I have been in a swinging relationship and it was amazing. Also I have the " hotwife" fantasies now with my SO but she is not into it though we have talked little about it.
    I understand fantasizing about others and everybody does it to a point. I understand the emotional cheating aspect of it also. I want my woman to be involved in mfm and I want my woman to tell me what and who else turns her on. I would not want her to do anything on her own but flirt. Flirting can give you an " ego " boost. Also I completely understand how you fantasize so much because he is the opposite. For me though if I knew the fantasy was so specific and so often even I would be a little concerned. But once I am comfortable with the woman and feel confident that she loves me and only wants the person as a " toy" if we talk about it it's a turn on for me and I would want to act on this with her.
    Again , this is just me , I totally understand it's not for everbody. My SO isn't like that but if she talked to me about her fantasies like that I would do my best to make it happen.
     
  14. skinnyminnie

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    Well we talk about everything and I thought I'd speak to him about this because I was curious how he'd react. I didn't say who the person was. I said that I like to think of others during sex sometimes and some people on the forum think that's totally normal. I figured this would be a good way to start the conversation, but he stopped it immediately. He said he thinks it's wrong , he doesn't want to change me, but he can't have sex with me if I am going to think about other people. He doesn't care if it happens when I masturbate though.

    I guess some things are better left unsaid.
     
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  15. BlueCollar

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    If he says that's wrong then ask him what he fantasizes about when you two have sex. If he says you babe. Always you.… he's lying lol. It's human nature. And it's perfectly normal to fantasize about other people.
    My wife tells me in detail who she thinks about during sex. It's hot and it's fine. You're exploring your kinks together. Come clean and loosen up. :) the sex will be hotter dirtier and more fun.
     
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  16. goldnuts

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    I agree with bluecollar, it´s human nature. I am sure most people have sexual desires outside their relationship and have curiosity about having sex with other people they find attractive. Actually, for about the past year, I had a heavy crush on an insanely hot friend of mine who I used to drive home from work. I really struggled to deal with it, and fantasized about her a lot (mostly with car related scenarios), but nothing ever happened, and like you said, if it had, then I think it would have been a big anticlimax. When I started trying to tell my girlfriend about it, I realised how fake the feelings were for this other girl. Maybe fantasies are sometimes best being kept as fantasies, to talk about, enjoy, and share with the world....
     
  17. skinnyminnie

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    This was what I was thinking! He asked me how would I feel if he told me he thought about other girls during sex and I said, "I assumed you already did." He said no he does not. I think he's full of shit. I happen to remember us having sex a few years ago and him asking me who I was thinking of and playing the whole thing out. He thought it was sexy, but maybe he only thinks it's sexy when it's a woman? I don't know.
     
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  18. skinnyminnie

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    Yes, I thought it was natural, too. You can't have sex with the same person for seven years without your mind wondering. I'm doing whatever it takes to make me climax. I'm not holding back.
     
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  19. Alwayslearningsex

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    I used to be the same about my ex's sister. I could have done something, I saw she wanted to, oh the temptation. It was hard to resist, I almost started once. Glad I never did it despite.
    In the end looking on my experience I say as long as it's omly a fantasy if you want to be with your guy longer..
     
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  20. BlueCollar

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    Bullshit. He does. Just like you do. Just like we all do. It's clear that it wouldn't hurt your feelings if he told you he did. In fact you seem like you'd be more than ok if he told you. So why not tell? He did once before and it was cool so why hold back now? Confusing....
    Did you tell him you fantasize about other guys?
     
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