bringing jobs home

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by norcal8her, Jan 16, 2015.

  1. norcal8her

    norcal8her Member

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    At what point, do i drop the hammer on my woman of 15years? We both have drinks after work, both stressful jobs in their own way.but she brings home every goddamn inch of her office. I work in the timber industry, so im sore as fuck when i get home. She bitched about a day behind a computer, in a chair. Her brain geys sooo fucked up at work, she goes asleep and im left hangin. Thoughts?
     
  2. 10_3XL

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    Are you (by saying "drop the hammer") referring to a sort of intervention? Is the drinking a problem or the symptom of another issue? Have you talked to her about her habit of bringing her work home with her? "She goes to sleep and [you're] left hanging" - do you mean from sex, conversation, what?

    Need more information/details before I can give any sort of fair response here. :)
     
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  3. norcal8her

    norcal8her Member

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    I drink 12-16 beers a night. Those are pain management. Im 40 and doin a 20 year olds job. The better half sits in an office and argues with clients over the phone across the country. She "goes off"till she passes out. Her work is destroyong her brain, one night at a time. Unless im wrong. I listen, but after a point i makea me mad.
     
  4. norcal8her

    norcal8her Member

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    10_3xl..all of the above. She dri ks to deal with work then passes out usually.
     
  5. norcal8her

    norcal8her Member

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    Drop the hammer means ask about what else is going on. Nothimg phystical.
     
  6. 10_3XL

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    Okay, well my first bit of advice would be that you need to get your drinking in check. Rein that shit in because - though it may help with the pain in the moment - the long term effects are gonna fuck your body up hardcore. Even more so if you're doing heavy physical labor and putting your body under strain. No need to go making it work to clear itself of what it perceives as toxins. I'm not saying to quit drinking completely, but remember that the most important thing is moderation! If your wife is drinking a lot, as well, then you can both work together to cut down on the alcohol consumption. Be each other's support and carry each other through - for better or for worse and 'til death, right?

    I understand what a mentally agonizing job can be like - I've done my time in call centers and doing other similar work. It is very taxing on you emotionally and mentally and that starts to spill over into the physical. If she doesn't have the luxury of being able to find different work (and if not that's totally understandable, jobs are not easy to come by these days) then she needs to start working on healthy stress management skills. Exercise, proper diet, avoiding things that will create a dependency (alcohol, nicotine, etc), breathing exercises, counselling ... the list goes on. Something needs to shift for her, though, or else she's going to work herself into an aneurism before too much longer!

    It's good that you listen and do your best to be supportive when she brings it home and vents. Understandable that after a while it gets irritating or "makes [you] mad" - nobody likes hearing long strings of negativity repeatedly for extended amounts of time. Try to find ways to steer the conversation to something positive (or at least avoid negative subjects); create a way for her to destress without dwelling in the negativity from her day.

    Communication is very important. So, asking her what (if anything) else is causing her stress beyond her work is a good idea - just
    be sure you avoid making it seem like a confrontation. You don't want her kicking into Defense Mode - that would be counterproductive. It sounds to me like both of you have a bit of a problem with the amount of alcohol you are consuming on a regular basis - that can work for you when it comes time to have your "intervention" with her. You can try making it about you wanting to work on your issue, and would she do her part to support/help you in the process by also moderating her consumption - or something along those lines. It's gonna be a lot easier to take if it's
    your problem that she's helping with and not her problem.

    Again I feel the need to stress that you and your better half have both gotta get the self-medicating via alcohol in check. It's damaging to your minds and bodies when not used in moderation and for the wrong reasons. It's one thing to drink because you enjoy the buzz; it's another to drink to kill pain/forget/alleviate stress/etc.

    And that's my totally-not-professional advice. Sorry I talk so much. Hope something in all of that helps. :)
     
  7. HotForHoney

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    Seems you both need stress management help and need to stop drinking before you can work on the sex issue.

    It seems like you don't understand her stress and bc she doesn't do physical labor, she should be able/willing to have a physical relationship with you.
     
  8. Candela

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    Sounds to me like you relationship is in big trouble,Sounds to me like neither one of you wants to listen to what the other has to say. 12 to 16 beers a night!!!...That is a lot of beer!! Her drinking until she passes out!! The both of you need help to save anything that left in your relationship..Get help before this screaming at each other turns violent JMO
     
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  9. Mittimer

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    I'm not sure what you're talking about really. You should probably put it plainly. Are you complaining about her drinking, bitching or not having sex with you?

    What I'm reading is you don't like having to listen to your wife complain about her seemingly easy job, compared to you in your manual labor job and you aren't getting enough sex as a result of this.

    This is resentment beginning to rear it's ugly head and shows doom for any relationship. I wont lecture you on your alcohol consumption. You're a big boy and you know well enough to know what is and isn't good.

    Her job is just as hard as your job. Just in a different way. Literally having people yell at you all day takes a lot out of you emotionally and mentally. Don't just assume because she's sitting behind a computer that she has it easier.

    As far as bringing jobs home, you two should make an agreement of sorts. Perhaps not discuss work once you get in the house. Or only set aside a certain time to "vent" about work during the week day. If you come home every day to each other and do nothing but talk about work, it'll get old very fast. You need to change that for the sake of your relationship and your own sanity.

    As much as I hate to schedule any sort of naughty time, perhaps you should. Make (insert day) and (insert time) the time for having fun with each other. No drinks, no work, no tv, just you two. If you make it a habit to spend time with one another outside of the stress and drama, it could lead to more unscheduled times together.
     
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  10. lbushwalker

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    Red flags here aplenty.
    Personal experience; love red wine initially only for the taste.
    Stressful job also, so having a glass when I get home to relax, then a second........happy.
    Dinner late and goodness me the bottle is already empty!
    Back injury, can't sleep pain keeps me awake, Paracetamol barely makes a difference so ok I know what works; guaranteed!
    Before very long anytime there is stress or pain or just want to feel good; open a bottle then sometimes a second gets the lid removed.
    What is happening is gradual increasing in alcohol tolerance such that it requires greater amounts and to dangerous levels to achieve the same outcomes.
    Time to take stock, dry out, allow the liver to recover then carefully come back to normal social drinking but being aware of the triggers. Easier said than done!
    The other side of the equations simultaneously needs addressing and others have mentioned the obvious possibilities.
    Other very effective methods is developing some passion or hobby to pleasantly occupy and stimulate the mind .
    Listing to soothing music also helps with both stress and pain relief.
     
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  11. norcal8her

    norcal8her Member

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    Thanks folks! I know its not all me or her. We have our drinking under somewhat control now. We drink but not to passing out phase. We were both addicted to something much worse and were both clean for 10 years b4 drinking again. We are working it out after reading all your posts. Appreciate every word.
     
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  12. HotForHoney

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    I'm glad to hear that. One day at a time. Good luck. Stay strong.
     
  13. Mikey22

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    I hope you and your lady work out your problems. But I want to know how you can drink 12 to 16 beers a night and do timber work?...That is rough work.