Breaking up over email?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Morgan, Sep 13, 2008.

  1. Morgan

    Morgan New Member

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    My friend and I have had a debate recently, and I'd like to know what others here think.

    Is it okay to break off a relationship over email?

    I ask this because my friend has decided that she doesn't want to continue in her current relationship and she's concerned about the best way to approach the break up. Now, she is really bad at handling herself in an in-person, one-on-one confrontation. She gets mixed up and forgets what her main points are, she loses her train of thought, etc. Afterward, she invariably thinks back and remembers all the things she should have said that would have made her position clearer. But, she is very good at expressing herself in written form.

    Now, I myself prefer the in-person, conversational approach to these things because I can handle myself really well. And I used to believe that was the best and only way. But in her case I think it would be better if she wrote him an email. Her soon to be ex has a strong personality that will probably blast her out of the conversation if she does this in person, and she'll get all disoriented and won't be able to properly explain herself.

    But she is resistant to the idea of breaking up over email because its "against the rules" and "you're just not supposed to do that. Everyone knows this." Now, why is this? Why is there this idea out there that the only fair and legitimate way to break up is face-to-face? Where did this "code of ethics" for breaking up come from? I realize that sometimes the email approach is used as a cowardly means of avoiding personal conflict, but in my friend's case I feel that it's a matter of using a means of communication that she is better suited for.

    So yeah...What's wrong with breaking up over email?
     
  2. FlirtyChick

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    My first thought was no, but then as I read your post I thought about hearing of people breaking up by writing the unfortunate party a letter, so what is the difference? None. If this person would "blast your friend out of the room" if she confronts him face to face, then I am glad she is breaking up with him! So I think that if she situationally needs to can him electronically, then fine. I too, prefer to talk about things with people, so I personally could not have done it that way. I hope she learns to communicate face to face better!
     
  3. Dreama

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    He sounds too aggressive. She should write that creep a Dear John letter and never see him again. I think in general terms, face to face is probably the best way to go, but if your friend has trouble communicating, and her boyfriend is already the aggressive type, I think it's acceptable to email.
     
  4. Barbwire

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    I don't see where there is anything in what Morgan posted about the guy being some kind of beast. She stated, he has a "strong personality" and her friend had a hard time speaking when she has in a one-on-one confrontation.

    I am kind of the same way, I get all flustered and tongue-tied when my husband and I have words. I'd much rather write about how I feel than say it to him.

    So, yeah, I see no problem with a person breaking up via email. Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do in a way that is easiest for you.

     
  5. Dreama

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    I guess I automatically suppose that someone who is able to "blast" someone out of the room through conversation is aggressive. I dunno. Maybe I'm weird.
     
  6. longing4fun

    longing4fun New Member

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    I think the best way to break up with someone is determined by your personality and situation...the last woman I broke up with was on a business trip in Utah when she decided to give me the "well if you don't like me the way I am, you can pack your shit and leave" for the hundredth time over a text message...so I thought about it for about a minute and a half and texted her "fine, done...will be out before you get back!"...again it's not a bad thing to break up without being face-to-face but technology certainly gives you more opportunity to communicate...good or bad
     
  7. Morgan

    Morgan New Member

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    Yeah, let me clear that up.

    Her bf is just really quick and really strong-willed. He's not verbally abusive or anything. What I meant when I said he "has a strong personality that will probably blast her out of the conversation," is that he will very assertively argue for his side and try to talk her out of it with all his debating skills. He does not want to break up but she is simply not happy and doesn't love him anymore and doesn't want to continue their relationship at this point. But he does, and so he will very strongly argue his case.

    She certainly doesn't have any problem with him stating his side of things; in fact, I believe she would like to be able to address those things for him. She just doesn't feel that she'll be able to do that if it takes place in person because he'll run circles around her before she can work out the words for how she feels.
     
  8. FlirtyChick

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    I assumed the same thing, Dreama. I have been "blasted" out of the room before and I have a strong personality. All the more reason I agree that giving him the written boot is appropriate. It doesn't take many words to break up with someone, but for someone who is easily influenced by the attitude of another can change her/his mind when actually confronted face to face.