Break up or not 2. History included, advice highly appreciated. Read on:

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Golden, Dec 2, 2008.

  1. Golden

    Golden New Member

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    So i am considering breaking up, well, how im i going to put it so you can understand it.. A little bit of history:

    We've been together for 7 months, things are going up and down for us both. I am emotionally fucked up, going to an shrink that have given me the diagnosis of moderate depression and there is an possibility i will get pills later on. I am getting let down now and then on the way she acts to me. But, please take this into your consideration before telling me to move on, she has also her issues about things. She has eating disorders, low self esteem and stuff like that.

    What really got me thinking was what happened the last saturday. We had fun @ friday, went to concert with friends etc. and she was going to take the train home saturday night because she had to work with a school project with some of her friends (wich also had to go saturday or got their moms to drive them home late friday night). I followed her to take the train at 8pm, when we got there the train wasnt going before an hour later on.. She got depressed cuz she wanted to sleep out and one hour makes difference because it is an long distance relationship so it takes some time with the train, about 1hour and 30 mins.. What i was reacting on was that she was taking it out on me telling me it was my fault the train wasnt going because i sayd it would be nice if we was together one hour more so she she did.
    Then all of a sudden she tells me she dont want me to follow her to the bus-station to see if theres any bus's coming along and told me it was the last time she went to this town etc. wich got me sad and i told her she should consider the words she was using. Still she acted like fuck and kept bragging about this. The bus was leaving, she didnt have any cash on her and the bus was leaving in 2-3 minutes, i told her to get to the bus and i would get money. I got some money i gave to her and she barely sayd thanks and didnt even give me an goodbye kiss.

    The day after she sayd it was to much, we cant have an relationship when we argue this much.. She has used this excuse a couple of other times as well, but i feel she's saying this to keep me at her side using some kind of manipulation. I told her i felt the same so i told her i broke up and did not want anymore to do with her. I removed her as a friend on facebook, deleted some pictures and stuff like that. She then called me crying and regret everything, told me shes just an human being to and asked if we could solve this one out. I told her i wanted an better excuse and was a little bit harsh on the subject, told her to throw the poems ive made, the ring i bought for her birthday cus it aint worth shit anymore.

    We got a little bit back and forth and i told her i wont take shit like this one more time, so we're trying again. But still, what should i do? I know she is being manipulative as a part of her sickness and the way she is herself. We both aint really mentally stable 100% but there are limits for me to. What should i do? Should i get past this relationship as soon as possible or actually give it an honest attempt since shes willing to do so. I know that she loves me, she does stuff all the time to show it like buying things, give me personal presents she puts alot of work and effort in etc. But still..

    What are your opinions?
     
  2. eandvk

    eandvk Member

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    Im not going to say move on or stay with her....but...I do feel before you continue this relationship that you should get your mental status taken care of....and not just you, but both of you having some instabilitys , and add a relationship, sounds to me as if you guys are running up a big hill....Get yourself emotionally and physically well and hopefully she will do the same and then see if things are different and can work out with her...
     
  3. Golden

    Golden New Member

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    Yeah.. everything will kind of just get weird because we have already fixed stuff like what we are going to do this christmas and everything like that. We're going to my visit my family, taking a flight there. Its kind of hard, presents are already bought, we cant just throw things like that away easily :(
     
  4. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Before you do anything else, I think you need to fix yourself. 'Nuff said. You'll never be able to have a normal relationship with anyone until you fix yourself.

    BD
     
  5. Golden

    Golden New Member

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    Thanks BD, your words are wise on this board and ive seen you numerous of times giving advices and stuff to people that is correct and logical to me. I would appreciate it alot if you actually read this through and wrote some of your thoughts (same to other members), and please do not be afraid to say something that will harm me, cus you wont. Criticism is not something i have a hard time dealing with, i love it cus it helps me.

    The harm is already done, specially after 7 months and i am afraid that an break-up will lead to worse things because of how i am. If i had to break up because of other reasons than her being a bitch is hard for me. Thats where i am right now. If i should get the relationship on ''pause'' and she suddenly moves on or find someone else in the meanwhile because of this that would indeed be to much for me to handle.

    Right now things seems fine, im just afraid that she will let me down like this again. I hate to say this but the last incident i told you about got me thinking alot on spontaneous things like going down the street and buy some pills and attempt to take an OD (this would not be an problem as i live in the capital of Norway and know where to get stuff). My p-doc will maybe give me prescription on sleeping pills wich will help on my sleep, but what if something like this happens again and im going all nuts cus im drunk and fucked up and decide to take more than what was first intended? I hate to ask these kinds of questions, but they are important.

    At this very moment i am not depressed and do not even see the reason to why im seeing him, but at once i get in a situation that is hard for me my mind blows in all kinds of directions. Offcourse this is just simple threats i have given to myself so far, but fuck.. Dont got words, hard to describe, but it happens. I cant live without her and some few times i cant live with her either. Right now i think it will be to hard to not have an loving compassionate partner when i get in these situations as they sometimes get triggered by things i can not explain or understand totally. My mindstate right now is keeping myself alive because of her (mainly) and my mom, fuck the rest it seems.. Im an egoist, i know that..

    I dont say this is an healthy relationship, but it actually keeps me going somehow.. I dont know wether i should break up or not putting all of this into consideration. Thats why i am asking. I need something to give me that extra push if thats it, but its hard for human beings to be completely honest when they know about situations like these. Please, if you read this dont be afraid to post your thoughts, i know what might help me or not. Im not that emotional, i can take criticism pretty well. The only thing i do not take well is the criticism i give to myself.

    Now that i am in the 'fixing-myself' period of life, what should i do? She does not know that i have had suicidal thoughts etc. I do not want her to feel bad or anything like that if she felt she had to break up. An friend of mine was in an relationship 3 months with a girl, not because he liked her (cus the feelings wasnt there anymore) but because she was suicidal, i dont want her to do the same thing with me.

    So it all comes down to me, on what i should do or not. My p-doc has'nt given me an straight answer yet as it seems to me that he has to know me better first, but i only got 45mins sessions with him so i cut things down in order to make him give me something to think about till next time. The cutting down part is also alot easier when i have talked to people in the first hand that have given different views so i can discuss it with him.

    What do you think i should do? Or.. What would you do if you was walking around in my shoes?
     
  6. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Dude! Man, I wish I could say something encouraging to you right now, but at the moment I'm dealing with very strong feelings of betrayal. Dude, don't do anything to harm youself...it is not worth it. Go to your therapist and tell him exactly how you are feeling. If you need to commit yourself to a safe place so you can't harm yourself, then by all means do it.

    Prayers for ya bro!

    BD
     
  7. Golden

    Golden New Member

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    Yeah, im trying the best i can to do things like that. Im keeping myself mostly in the living-room in our appartment where i can hang out with the friends i live with. Im dealing with my work though, probably going to solve an doctors notice and shit like that at thursday. But as crazy or 'dumb' it seems going to work is exhausting me and my boss dont really seem to be that happy about my days off from work even though she knows that im going to a shrink etc. What i would gladly do if i could is to move back to my old town and live @ my moms house for a couple of months, but then i wont have the opportunity to live where i do now and i got to work to keep the spot in this house. It all comes down to money.

    I dont self injure myself, im the kind of guy that would rather go down the lane and not across the street. I'd rather do it properly than walking around showing everyone how fucked up i am. But i also try to keep my sanity in check as much as i can and make plans on how to deal with stuff and try to think about them when i get all emotional. But now we're going offtopic, hehe.

    It seems to me that you have your own stuff to take care of right now! Good luck with that as well, im sorry for you. Hope everything solves itself out.
     
    #7 Golden, Dec 3, 2008
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2008
  8. loveit247

    Gold Member

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    Co-dependance often goes hand in hand with depression. Think about it.
     
  9. Golden

    Golden New Member

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    Its done for.. I thought everything was starting to go well as we didnt fight and shit like that.. 27th december she broke up via an message on the cellphone and told me she had lost her feelings for me the past 2-3 weeks. :(

    I truly loved her, but i didnt want it to end this way.. But its probably the best either way. But im heartbroken, cant fight feelings.. huh?
     
  10. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Golden...I'm sorry for your pain. Pull yourself together, work to fix the psychological issues that you know that you yourself have, then simply move on to someone who is better with you and better for you.

    BD
     
  11. Golden

    Golden New Member

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    ye, i guess so.. But first i got to find this person. Its hard to start ''all over'' when i thought i had the right one, i will never give up on love though.. but you get what im saying. Im doing the best i can to pull myself together. Everything is a bit fucked right now, but hopefully i'll get someone sooner than later.. Its truly something i need in my life, i understood this after the relationship i got with this one... The main problem beside of the breakup is..:

    Where do you find a girl that your interested in and that might like you back?
     
  12. Dreama

    Gold Member

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    That, my friend is the luck of the draw. It involves emotional and physical chemistry, and the only way to find one is to get out there- the person for you could be anywhere.
     
  13. Golden

    Golden New Member

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    Yeah.. I know. Stuff is just to hard right now to even think about someone else, but i guess i have to move on unless she come back crying wich probably wont happen.. Wish i was one of those that gave a fuck about these things and was satisfied with being single all along.