Boyfriend whos all about receiving...never giving

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by sparkler317, Apr 7, 2007.

  1. sparkler317

    sparkler317 New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2007
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hopefully someone here can help me with a little problem I've been having! Me and my boyfriend have been together for a couple months now. I'm still in the process of getting on birth control, so we are slightly limited to what we can do for now...no problem there.

    I do have some complaints but don't really know how to deal with them. My guy is great in just about every way, except when he comes to the bedroom. He's quick to accept pleasure whenever I offer, and he has no problem initiating when he wants me to pleasure him...but as soon as he's satisfied and it's my turn to get some release, he tosses me one of my toys while he goes back to playing his games, watching tv, etc.

    He will pleasure me sometimes, but only if I'm trying to get him off at the same time (a 69-ish situation). I've been trying to get him to go down on me for a while, but he says he doesn't like the taste. Just getting him to touch me anymore if becoming a hastle, he always wants me to use a toy. It gets me frustrated because I go down on him every single night, and I end up having to do things by myself just to get any release of my own. Any ideas on what I can do to get him to step up more often and help me out?
     
  2. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2006
    Messages:
    6,443
    Likes Received:
    13
    Gender:
    Female
    First of all I'd suggest that you stop indulging him until he agrees to give you equal time. I know guys can be very persuasive but you need to stand up for yourself and tell him that this isn't fair. You're finished giving all the pleasure and never receiving.

    Sounds like he's distracted and has sex only to get it over with. Maybe you should start out by asking him what the problem is, if there is a problem.
     
  3. Brad

    Brad New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2005
    Messages:
    342
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    England
    Sparkler

    I hate to be so blunt in saying this, but your boyfriend seems totally selfish and god damned lazy.

    My first thought is to suggest that you should dump him, as he isn’t worthy of you. But that perhaps is too harsh.

    Assuming you are willing to work on this which you seem to be, perhaps you could while limited with no proper birth control yet, suggest the following pleasure routines:

    Firstly you need to let him know fairly directly that the giving of pleasure needs to be shared and on equal terms.

    Secondly you could suggest that tonight you are going to do all the giving and make him climax big time. (As usual but don’t tell him that).

    Thirdly, that is on the understanding that tomorrow night it is his turn to reciprocate and do what you want him to do to give you a mind blowing orgasm. It doesn’t have to involve oral on you if he refuses, but that doesn’t stop him caressing your upper inner thighs with his tongue and lubricated hands.

    That doesn’t stop him working on every other sensitive area of your body with his hands and mouth.

    If he has the potential to be a good lover, he needs some training and a more open mind about what you want.

    You need to communicate with him more directly about your desires and he needs to listen and listen hard.

    Let us know how things develop and good luck!
     
  4. sparkler317

    sparkler317 New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2007
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thanks Brad and Puss :)

    Those sound like good ideas, I'll have to try them. As long as he's willing to put some effort into it, this isn't something I'd break up with him over. I just don't think it's fair to get into a active relationship and still have to go with solitary masturbation lol.
     
  5. Brad

    Brad New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2005
    Messages:
    342
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    England
    That is a very nice and understanding comment.

    It shouldn't take long to discover if he is prepared to be considerate which he isn't at present.

    What ever you do, please don't under estimate your self worth as it is easy to fall into accepting a behaviour pattern, always hoping that he will change.
     
  6. Barbwire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    9,789
    Likes Received:
    174
    Gender:
    Female
    You've only been together for a couple of months and he's already being selfish? My god, woman, open your eyes! The first couple of months of a relationship is where the men pull out all the stops, trying to prove how great they are in bed, after that, it goes downhil fast. If he ain't going downtown now, don't expect he ever will. Just my humble opinion, of course. ;)
     
  7. MikeDog

    MikeDog New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2006
    Messages:
    815
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    USA
    Agree with CL, first few months you should be able to keep your hands off each other.
     
  8. SexyScorp

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    2,778
    Likes Received:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    ireland
    Oh yeah I SO agree with you sister....
     
  9. azezpz1

    azezpz1 New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2007
    Messages:
    71
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Houston
    Interesting point cowboy lover. While I agree with you, I think that she just needs to cut him off, and not give him any unless he returns the favor.
     
  10. SexyScorp

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    2,778
    Likes Received:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    ireland
    .....yeah....

    or tell him to shag off....

    that normally does the trick


    :)
     
  11. Barbwire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    9,789
    Likes Received:
    174
    Gender:
    Female
    Nope, can't agree with ya on that, azez. If she cuts him off, it's GAME PLAYING, and that never works out, not in the long run.
     
  12. sparkler317

    sparkler317 New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2007
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    lol Thanks guys....yes, I've definitely thought about cutting him off before. This time I might actually have to try it until I get something in return.

    You do have a point though, CL. Bah...choices choices.
     
    #12 sparkler317, Apr 7, 2007
    Last edited: Apr 7, 2007
  13. jaguar

    jaguar New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2007
    Messages:
    254
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    West coast
    Yes! cut him off until he agrees to pleasure you "first" being a good finger fuck or whatever. Tell him you tryed some new douse (not sure if I spelled that right) with a good scent, prop yourself up on the kitchen counter and tell him to get his ass down there! LOL
     
  14. Barbwire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    9,789
    Likes Received:
    174
    Gender:
    Female
    douche
     
  15. jaguar

    jaguar New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2007
    Messages:
    254
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    West coast
    Thanks CL, me bad
     
  16. sparkler317

    sparkler317 New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2007
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hm, that sounds like a good idea. Have him do me first, that way he can't use the excuse of being too exhausted lol. And if I do that and he still tells me to use a toy and then go to him when I'm through...then I definitely know there's a problems :uhh:
     
  17. Elvis

    Elvis Member

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2007
    Messages:
    713
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Spain
    Sounds like a curse of modern times to me.
    Computer games are more important than anything else.

    Should cut the birth rate though.
     
  18. sparkler317

    sparkler317 New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2007
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    lol Very true. He does love his computer games, I know that much. Course if I ever want to draw his attention away, I know how to do so :p
     
  19. alwayshard

    alwayshard New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2007
    Messages:
    54
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    texas
    my wife is the same way ill eat her out every time we have sex and make her cum 2 or 3 times with my tongue butshe never wants to return the "favor". if i beg her she will go down and suck me but it will only be like 2 minutes and then she wants to finish with her hand or have sex. it gets old wen shes never willing to return
     
  20. cbrmale

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2006
    Messages:
    3,493
    Likes Received:
    291
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canberra
    I have been married for almost 21 very sexual years, and before we got married we agreed a couple of things, this being one of them. Under no circumstances should sex be used as a bargaining tool. Verbal communication is the key, not sexual blackmail. This will not only cause frustration to fester, if it achieves its stated aim it will be done so under a cloud of resentment. Such actions are the beginning of the end, and if one felt one had to resort to such actions then one might as well end the relationshop.

    In our house we have one rule, we never say no. We either say yes, or we make a date for another time. That applies to me too by the way, even when I get woken up in the middle of the night and I am tired...

    There are quite a few postings around here about mismatched sex drives, and perhaps our rule of not saying no would help more than a few around here.

    I don't think I need to post this, but for everyone else in the forum don't use sex for blackmail, because under the theory of negotiation it is a lose-lose strategy. But like I said, I think most around here are smart enough to realise that already.