boyfriend trouble

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by jess09, Nov 15, 2006.

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  1. jess09

    jess09 Banned

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    The thing is lately sex has not been good, it is great but except the vaginal sex part. I feel like I'm lying there on the bed, tensing up a little and having some pain while he is thrusting inside. There's this skin piece that really bother me. He is really experienced and I don't want him to feel like he is doing something wrong. The other day I almost fake an orgasm and when he asked me if it felt good I told him yes because I didn't know what to do, how to tell him that it hurt and was not really great. Should I be plain honest with him ? I don't want him to think he is doing something wrong.

    And he's suggesting me to have sex with me several times, like really often, but the thing is that hurts a little and I'm not really sure I want to. But I don't want to hurt him you know. So what should I do ?

    And any ideas how to not tense up when he is inside ?
     
  2. Dreama

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    You need to relax, Jess and tell your man the truth. The fact is, you owe it to yourself and to him to be honest. Explain to him that although he is a good guy, and all, that because you are still new to sex, things sometimes hurt. Suggest experimentation, or suggest that instead of having as frequent actual sex, you could trade other sex acts to please one another. He'll probably understand. And if he doesn't, you need to dump him. Anyway, I think the not tensing thing comes from experience. You are new to sex and you are nervous, which is normal. The more you have sex, the more you learn not to do that. It'll come naturally with more and more experience.
     
  3. Bluesy

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    Are you tensing because you're nervous? Or are you tensing because you're in pain? I think that if that flap of skin is still bugging you, you should see your gyno, and I can't imagine that he/she couldn't do something about it. I would think about seeing a different gyno, because the one you currently have told you to not worry about it, IIRC.

    As for not wanting it as often as he does, everything Dreama said is right on. If he cares about you, if he's a keeper, he'll respect your wishes without suffering a wounded ego. He's got two hands. Wrap up a jar of vaseline with a red bow and tell him to have a ball ;) (Kidding.) There are some toys for guys that make masturbation a real treat; he doesn't have to be totally reliant on you for sex. Heck, he's getting more now than when he was without a gf, so he should be grateful.
     
  4. jess09

    jess09 Banned

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    Well I'm tensing up a little maybe because of both. I'm kinda thinking sometimes if I'm good enough for him (he's had far more partners than me and he is far more experience) or not ? I'm nervous yeah. And I'm a little bit scared also and there is some pain so that's why.

    I did go to another gyn few days ago and he told me there was still a little bit of hymen left and until it completly go away sex won't feel 100 % pleasurable. He said it will go away eventually so I don't need that small surgery to remove it. He said I also had to relax a lot. But since my hymen is disappeared completly, I guess that won't really feel really great.
     
  5. Hot Wheels

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    Jess, get yourself together girl!!
    In several other posts now you have complained about pain during sex since losing your virginity.
    Have you been to the doctor yet? this piece of skin you refer to I suspect is a bit of remaining hymen that should be easily fixed by him or her.
    You shouldnt have to "fake" anything,if you talk to your b/f and tell him honestly what your concerns are then surely it shouldnt be that much of a problem.
    You also say that you dont want your b/f to think that hes doing anything wrong... well he might be, it could be that he needs to lighten up on you a little and not go as hard at it as he does.
    All this and then you say in another thread how your thinking about having two guys at once?? How are you going to handle two of them if your having trouble with just your b/f??
    Is this Jess's idea or b/f's idea? me thinks the latter, so dont be talked into something that may cause you any more discomfort just to please someone else.:tsktsk
    Lets get things into perspective...
    1.. Talk to b/f and tell him honestly what you are experiencing during sex, if he loves you as much as you say then he will want to help you achieve a satisfactory outcome to this problem.
    2.. Go to your doctor and find out whats going on as far as the pain during sex goes,it will become a lot more pleasurable if dont "expect" its going to hurt beforehand.
    3.. After going over your previous posts it is obvious that you havent been in this relationship for what most of us would call a long time and only recently lost your virginity so I dont feel its a good idea to get involved in a group sex situation until you have formed a more solid relationship with your b/f.
    Hope this helps Jess, wish you well:)
     
  6. Bluesy

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    I don't want to sound sexist, but maybe you should consider a woman gyno? I'm thinking of the empathy factor. How many guys could really understand what you're going through? If it were me, I would keep going until I found a doctor who actually cares.
     
  7. jess09

    jess09 Banned

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    well the sex group thing was his idea. he doesn't really know this hurts for me. I thought he would know because of the tightness but i don't know. sometimes he seems to see I tensed up and it kisses me and ask me if I'm okay and says it is gonna be alright. I should have a big talk with him. maybe he is too rough because he's been with more experienced women before I don't know.
     
  8. Hot Wheels

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    Its gonna be alright... for him maybe.
    Your right Jess, you should have a big talk with him.
     
  9. jess09

    jess09 Banned

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    Does man usually sense it when a women is not comfortable or in some kind of pain during sex ???
     
  10. Joe

    Joe
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    If it's not intense pain and the woman hides it well, no, especially not the first few times he's with that woman. Don't hide your feelings. If you're in pain, say so!

    I know you think this guy has lots of experience, but compared to most adult men he just doesn't (due to his age). And with you he certainly doesn't. You've gotta learn to vocalize. If it feels good, say so, and if it doesn't, say so.

    And I think you'd regret it for the rest of your life if you consent to having sex with him and his buddy. I'm not thinking too highly of him for suggesting it. He should know you're not nearly ready for that. A guy who wants you to have sex with his friend, especially at this early stage of your sexuality, would be a good guy to dump.
     
  11. jess09

    jess09 Banned

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    For the record, he's 32 he's more older than me.
     
  12. Dreama

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    Do you really think you should be with him, Jess? Sounds like he's just trying to manipulate you into being his little sex toy. I may be way off base, but a man his age doesn't go out with 19 year old virgins for no reason. Or only newly de-virginized...
     
  13. jess09

    jess09 Banned

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    I don't know but he makes me feel good and I feel more okay being with an experience boy since he knows what to do !
    And I lost my virginity with this men so it's a pretty big deal !!!!
     
  14. pussycat69

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    Communication is the key part to great sex and a good sex-life with both yourself and your partner.Speak up and be true to yourself.
    Also,remember this,just because he's had more partners DOES NOT make him more experienced.It depends on the type of people he's been with and the person he is.If he's 'experienced',he'd know of your being hesitant and uncomfotable.Not to mention,involve you so soon in a 3some situation.

    How long have you two been together?
     
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