boyfriend cheated on me

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Emily88, Aug 19, 2013.

  1. Emily88

    Emily88 New Member

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    So I had suspecious before cus of one night he went out and i saw a text but his friend just covered up etc anyways, now she let me know the truth about him and he admitted it today, i got it out of him ! ( this all happened this morning) well he cheated on me when i was pregnant in may ! POS ...he kinda says its cus we havnt had any sex ( i rarely wanted it when i was prego) and during our relationship ( in the beginning it was good and often) but he drinks often so thats why i stopped. ...I feel like if only I "loved sex" ,this wouldnt of happened. I have been cheated on before and always broken up with. I only enjoyed sex once, and only came from a clit toy...I just dont know what to do...How can I get into sex more ? I do get horny sometimes, but I just wanna be one of those people who always say they love sex . I am not even ugly or fat but the girl he slept with isnt that pretty at all..so makes me think about myself if he think shes hot.. : ( I am thinking about leaving him since he doesnt seem very genuinine but now I am going to a single mother : ( who is going to want me now : ( sorry ranting too, sorry if bad grammar , I just cant think
     
  2. 1000stars

    1000stars Active Member

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    They don't have to be pretty to be attractive to someone. They just have to have the right makings on the inside and into the same things. If you don't like sex, you can't make yourself. All you can do is focus on what turns you on & stay on top of it. That can get boring, for me anyway.

    I'm into pushing boundaries and finding out how I react. Some people like the same ole, same ole.
     
  3. Emily88

    Emily88 New Member

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    well i do like sex but maybe it was just him? cus i really did enjoyed it before so..
     
  4. 1000stars

    1000stars Active Member

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    How long have you two been together? What was your sex life? There's a big difference in him going for 2 hours everyday & you going 20 minutes once a week. You need to decide if its worth staying for.

    A baby together doesn't mean you have to stay together. Is it worth working out?
     
  5. Emily88

    Emily88 New Member

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    year and something, sex was good in the beginning, not worth it if he is still going to act like this. Hes just so defensive and saying i am nagging too much. :( wat do u mean every 2 hours?
     
  6. 1000stars

    1000stars Active Member

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    I was just saying if he had the libido and stamina where he was having sex for 2 hours straight at a time everyday.
     
  7. Emily88

    Emily88 New Member

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    ohhh , ha when we had sex, he only lasted 10 mins so,idky hes bitching at me
     
  8. 1000stars

    1000stars Active Member

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    Ohhhhhhh..... I'm kind of speechless there. I'm not used to a 10 minute at things.
     
  9. cody_swaim

    cody_swaim New Member

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    Caught my wife cheating on me too. We have to realize that it's not our fault in any way. He could have started communicating to you his unhappiness instead of running out right away and finding it somewhere else. That's the excuse they all use and its not legit. I feel once a cheater always a cheater. He will just find another excuse for the next one. You have to decide if you can live with it.
     
  10. 1000stars

    1000stars Active Member

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    I do agree on the once a cheater, always a cheater. Unless you have an open relationship. Some people consider that cheating, but if you're like me, boredom sets in very easily. I will find a way to keep myself entertained. It maybe the mind or it maybe the sex, but I have to have someone willing to evolve along by my side. Once you stop evolving, I start looking elsewhere.
     
  11. cody_swaim

    cody_swaim New Member

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    I'm saying that from my own experience. I just caught her for second time. Worked really hard at fixing what she said was needed the first time then she goes and cheats again and finds another excuse. She is more attracted to the danger of getting caught than anything else I believe. I'm just saying I worked really hard to fix it and now I feel like I've been made a fool.

    I admit you have to evolve and find new excitement in the bedroom. But for most of the population having another person in bedroom is not an option. There are ways to evolve and spice it up without going somewhere else. And it can't be one way either. I am very voyeristic but that wasn't something she was willing to do so it needs to work both ways.
     
    #11 cody_swaim, Aug 19, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 19, 2013
  12. Emily88

    Emily88 New Member

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    it just seems like everyone only cares about sex ,no need to cheat, at least break up with me or let me know
     
  13. 1000stars

    1000stars Active Member

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    It's not that it's all about the sex, but you have to have a mind. Without a creative mind, a relationship wil be becoming boring. What was your relationship like outside the bedroom?
     
  14. cody_swaim

    cody_swaim New Member

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    I agree it is more hurtful to catch them in affair. I tried to work it out.
     
  15. cody_swaim

    cody_swaim New Member

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    I told her same thing she could have broken it off with me first.
     
  16. Emily88

    Emily88 New Member

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    when we first met it was great and sex was good and often then 3 months into the relationship i got prego! ( accident) but then i started to noticed he drink alot ( i didnt noticed much when i was drinking with him ) so obviously i didnt wanna have sex with a drunk lol when im sober and i wasnt very horny through out my pregnancy etc, then we started fighting more...we talked some more, he seems a lil more genuine now and wants to work it out but idk wat to do sigh
     
  17. Lisalou30

    Lisalou30 New Member

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    I found out in march my bf had been cheating on me after 12 years together it was like someone ripped my heart out. For us it wasn't even like he wasn't getting it at home,it was quite simply someone else was showing him attention and the excitement of keeping it a secret. The women he cheated with is vile about twice the size of me with more facial hair then most men and that's what hurts the most. We have decided to try and work things through and are attempting an open relationship to see if I can build up a little bit of the trust I've lost. Who knows what will happen but I don't see why he should have all the fun and can't see him ever stopping he would just work harder at hiding it. I guess you really need to ask yourself if what you have is worth working for but please don't stay just because your scared of being on your own as it will just make you miserable.
     
  18. wsc

    wsc
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    It sounds very stressful for you. My partner used to go long periods without being sexual with me. I thought it was cos she didn't fancy me. It caused some arguments at times as we both found it hard to work out what was wrong.
    This began after our first daughter was born {a year into our relationship} ... We could go 2 months and have sex just once or twice in that time.
    At other times we would be at it 3 or 4 times a week for a month or so.
    Whenever we had sex it was great.
    This continued for years until about 5 yrs ago...my partner stopped wanting sex and it lasted for 9 months. We talked a lot and solved the problem...my partner sometimes didn't want to be touched but felt weird about offering to make me cum without letting me sexually touch her.
    I explained that i needed sexual contact and viewed being wanted and blown as sexy as intercourse.
    My partner said that she'd like to do this and often wanted to do this in the past but thought it was weird ...since then we have had a fab sex life and we communicate really well.

    I am not telling you this to tell you what to do but to let you know that

    A. There is a way to sometimes sort out issues about a sex life.

    B. That at NO point in the 9 months without any sexual contact did i even think about an affair let alone have one. Being unfaithful is the responsibility of your boyfriend and him alone.

    I know it can be difficult to be a single parent but if you are a kind person you will find other partners who would be good for you.
    Remember also how good and important you ate for your little one.
    I hope you find calmness and peace in your life soon.
     
    #18 wsc, Aug 20, 2013
    Last edited: Aug 20, 2013
  19. bubo

    bubo Member

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    Well, where to begin. I am in the similar situation as wsc described (perhaps just in the beginning). My girlfriend has quite low libido and sometimes we go without sex even for a month or to.
    Unfortunately I am the guy who would like to have sex every day (maybe even several times a day). It is very difficult situation for a guy because its just not enough for me. It is very stressful and I feel very unattractive sometimes. She says she likes it and she likes me, but she just doesn't need it very often. Of course, if she doesn't want it, I'm not going to force or to push her. BUT it's very stressful and I feel very unhappy.

    Emily, you still didn't say how often you had sex with your bf.

    However, I have never cheated on my girlfriend, but I cannot say I wasn't thinking about it. I was even in a situation when I could but I somehow could resist as well. I'm not sure if I will resist in the future if the frequency of our sex will get worse. (that is the only reason why we are not married yet, I just cannot guarantee anything in this situation)

    We have been together for more than 7 years and in my opinion it has never been better. Now, I'm quite sure that my GF would say that it was better (her point of view)

    This is just my point of view. Emily described her partner as a cheating asshole (in some way she is right), but to judge people it is always necessary to see situation of the other side as well.
     
  20. Emily88

    Emily88 New Member

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    thanks bubo for your response , and everyones...I do see both sides ( course not the cheating part) , but the guy needing sex and it is important in a relationship. I think I do want it more now , we did in the beginning of our relationship. We first had sex often, I forgot how much but then gradually decreased and then it was like never, but cus He was drinking often and I just got turned off how he acted , plus he doesnt last that long anyways so it was like eh . I may give him a chance ( I know stupid move) He says he really wants to work on our relationship and want to be with him etc . He agreed he treated me badly so...