Boring routine, need your feedback

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by SDAVIS, Apr 9, 2008.

  1. SDAVIS

    SDAVIS New Member

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    I need to know everyone's opinion....Here is the situation. We are in mid-40s and our sex routine seems to have gotten boring. Typical routine in bed consists of cuddling, holding, kissing, then I go down on her and usually she climaxes that way while on her back. This can last about 20 minutes or so...Then, she will suck me a few times and then ready for missionary, and then I cum.. That is pretty much the way it has been for a few years now. Problems I have with it include going somewhat soft while licking her, lack of that spark to really get me/keep me aroused. I'm sure she is less than pleased too, but says nothing about the routine...PLEASE give me your blunt thoughts on this...Surely there is more to great sex than this! I don't think she is willing to try anything new either, but what do you all think? Is this a lame sex routine or what?
     
  2. Dreama

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    Talk to your lady! Maybe she could bring some new ideas about sparking your sex life up a bit. But, if she is absolutely not willing to do anything, you can't really do anything but put your feelings on the table, and let her know you're open to a bit of change. You don't really know where she stands until you ask, so ask! :) Good luck to you.
     
  3. SDAVIS

    SDAVIS New Member

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    In spite of loving sex, she is not open to any form of porn, no anal play at all, no 3somes, moresomes, etc. I might also add that she hardly touches me other than some sucking along the way, no back rub, no stroking, not much else...I would think that eventually she would come to the conclusion that things need to be spiced up....
     
  4. bucky

    bucky New Member

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    Dreama hit it right on the head. You have to communicate your feelings to your wife.
    As far as lame, I wouldn't say that, maybe tame.
    Some guys never get head.:eek:eek
     
  5. igor

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    Yeah - some guys not only never get head, they don't get anything.
    Sdavis - be glad you are least having sex - but as Dreama said TALK TO HER!
     
  6. Steel

    Steel Member

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    Women are a great many things.... mind readers they are not. And don't let them try to convince you that they are!
     
  7. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    OR.....

    How about just surprising her with romance and seduction along the way to the bedroom? I know you said she's not into anything farfetched, but that shouldn't be a problem at all!

    There's nothing in the 'rules' that says you can't prepare beforehand: light some candles, throw some silk flower petals across the bed. Stuff like that. A glass of champagne? In one of those fancy-smancy glasses?

    Remember the 'golden rule"? Do unto others what you would like them to do unto you!
    If you're really desiring some touchy-feely stuff then I suggest you go first. Do something different! Kiss the back of her neck. Whisper in her ear. Get some scented oils and tell her to lay down (NOT on her back... on her stomach!) and give her a good solid back & leg rub. I don't know a woman in her right mind that would turn THAT down. Keep it 'platonic' for a while, then gradually begin to move toward more seduction. :brow

    And as a side note - if you notice that the bedroom is cluttered or whatever then grab all that clutter and chuck it! Under the bed.... in your side of the closet... anywhere. Out of sight - Out of mind!! You have no idea how walking into the bedroom can remind a woman of AAAAALLLLLLLLLLL the stuff she's got to do (and usually "hot, steamy sex" isn't one of them :eyes )

    Oh - and let me stick a note on the other side, as well - don't forget personal hygiene.
    SERIOUSLY! You might laugh, but you'd be surprised how many fine men are totally clueless about how they can ruin the moment with cigarette or onion breath, body odor, wild hairs growing out of odd places, etc. In other words, do a thing or two to make yourself a bit more desirable (not that I have any reason to think you are anything but a drop-dead gorgeous GQ kinda' guy) :lol

    Just a bit of long-winded, unsolicited, generic "Grandma" advice.
     
  8. SDAVIS

    SDAVIS New Member

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    I like all this feedback. What do you people think about the fact that, even though I give her massages and back rubs, etc. she NEVER touches any part of me but my cock when she sucks it. I certainly don't take that for granted because you all are right, some guys get NO sucking at all, but is it unusual that she doesn't touch me anywhere? ever? I mean, no back rub, no leg rub, no cheeks touch, no ball play, nothing..Yet I am supposed to be able to keep it up while licking her long enough to then get busy?
     
  9. Barbwire

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    How is your relationship outside of the bedroom?
     
  10. SDAVIS

    SDAVIS New Member

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    Well CL, you know how that is......up and down, needs some work. I bust it to make it better, but some things just don;t click outside either.....I suppose you figured that out already.....Any suggestions?
     
  11. LPjammin

    LPjammin New Member

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    She could...

    ...be put off by your past. Have you been, well, touched by a lot of women?
     
  12. evman

    evman New Member

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    I'm in a similar situation and I have talked to her about it to no avail. Our sex life has become very routine but she is OK with it even though I am not. It seems she has sex not because she wants to but because I want to. I have tried many, many things including making her a romantic candlelit dinner at home after the kids went to bed, mailing her "coupons" for various things, some sexual some not like cleaning the bathrooms or giving her a night out. She seems to have no interest in spicing up our sex life though she knows I am unhappy with it. You can talk to her and try different things but they don't always work. She thinks my sex drive is too high but hers is non existent. I would settle for meeting halfway in the middle. We are trying to make it better so all I can say is keep trying.
     
  13. bsxy420

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    not everyone dwells on someone elses past.


    as for the sex relationship...talk to her and tell her how you feel. my SO and i have this problem sometimes. but like yesterday he pushed me back on the bed ripped my pants off and well it was some really great sex.
     
  14. LPjammin

    LPjammin New Member

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    Maybe...

    ...it just seems like it...
     
  15. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    Well, geez! Everyone probably thinks Thorn & I have this wild, crazy, over-the-top sex feast at least 3 times a day. We go through many "routine" spells. Life itself tends to throw us into "auto-pilot", regardless of our current situation.

    We just end up finally getting really pissed at the fact that we know we're capable of more passion and ingenuity. (as a matter of fact, I think we're about ready for another metamorphosis :ugh)

    But the key to opening the door is talking about it - appealing to our love and commitment to each other and to not becoming a statistic to bolster the myth that old farts can't have wonderfully erotic sex!

    .... :brow .... "Oh, Thorn....."......
     
  16. SDAVIS

    SDAVIS New Member

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    I don't want to give away too much info in case she knows about this site, but it was HER that misbehaved, not me...That alone led to much strain and I have worked hard to let the past be the past. Possibly the spark just isn't there with her for me and my inability to maintain an erection is a result of those issues. BTW, she is very hot, thin athletic body, all parts look great, so no problem with her appearance..
     
  17. bucky

    bucky New Member

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    Oh, Rose, say it isn't so. You have totally bust my bubble.:lol:lol:lol:lol
     
  18. sdfilter

    sdfilter New Member

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    I think this is something that happens to everyone in all aspects of their lives, but we're only surprised by it in our sex lives. I find that my wife and I tend to get into bedroom ruts, and it tends to happen over time without us noticing it. But look at the rest of your life. I bet that I'm not the only person who falls into a routine of going to work, spend an hour or two with the family before bed, and sit down for a bit of TV to unwind. Or fall into going to the same old restaurants all the time, or listening to the same album over and over.

    In life, the routines tend to comfort us, but in bed, we're surprised? Odd.

    All that said, one "trick" that we do when we notice a bedroom routine is what we call our morning "quickies". It sounds odd, but it really seems to get us out of the rut. We agree that every morning, as soon as we wake up, we have a bit of a quickie. Just enough foreplay to make entry possible. The trick is, no orgasm for me. The point isn't the orgasm, it's the "forced" intimacy and time together, for lack of a better description. This only lasts for about a week before we both decide we'd rather have a rest, but it seems to light a creative fire. Don't know why, but it does seem to mix things up and get us started again.
     
  19. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    So.... you have a quickie - but no orgasm? Just the penetration, etc.?

    We do quickies - but it serves a purpose, in that Thorn gets his testosterone fix (ie. orgasms). The downside is, sometimes it suffices to such a degree that Rose doesn't get her... what would we call it....? Doesn't get her .... oh hell! - her jollies!!! :lol

    I like being able to send him off with a smile in the morning, but sometimes it undermines real, connective sex - the kind that makes me feel like a woman - the kind that makes me fall in love with him all over again. Real, passionate sex has that effect.
     
  20. sdfilter

    sdfilter New Member

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    Yeah, just the penetration, and just for 10 minutes or so. And this certainly doesn't preclude any sex contact throughout the rest of the day. Like I said, it sounds a bit strange, but I think it does a couple of things for us. One, it reminds us to pay some attention to each other when we've been in a rut, and two, it gets us thinking about the sex we have again. Who knows, it may just be that it's so frustrating that it lights a spark. Don't know for sure why it works, but heck, who's going to argue with success?:)