Blond Jokes!

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Rose, Mar 21, 2006.

  1. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    Okay! I know there is a thread for jokes. But everyone knows that blond jokes are in a class by themselves. Being the resident dumb blond, I have decided to show forth great depth in character by being the first to post a:

    DUMB BLOND JOKE

    Evansville Blonde

    A young blonde woman in Evansville, Indiana, was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the Ohio River. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the dock, crying.

    He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship.

    I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulders and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."

    The girl nodded yes! . After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning.

    That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat.

    From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.

    Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain.

    "What are you doing here?" the captain asked.

    "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe, and he's screwing me."

    "He certainly is," the captain said.

    "This is the Casino Aztar, and we never leave the dock."

    :stupid
     
  2. AnonymousOne

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    Ahahahahahahah I Love It!

    EDIT : Your avatar is distracting....
     
  3. Nikki

    Nikki New Member

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    These two are my favorites...I don't know how old they are but they make me giggle every time I read them.

    There were three women, a Brunette, a Red Head, and a Blonde. They all worked together at an office.
    Every day they noticed that their boss left work a little early. So one day they met together and decided that today when the boss left, they would all leave early too.
    The boss left and so did they. The Brunette went home and straight to bed so could get an early start the next morning. The Red Head went home to get in a quick work out before her dinner date. The Blonde went home and walked into the bedroom. She opens the door slowly and saw her husband in bed with her boss, so she shut the door and quickly left.
    The next day, the Brunette and the Red Head are talking about going home early again. They ask the Blonde if she wants to leave early again.
    "No," she says, "yesterday I nearly got caught!"

    -----

    Two blonds are walking along a path near the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks and says "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No. Those are deer tracks."

    They keep arguing, and arguing, and one half hour later they were both killed by a train.
     
  4. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    BLONDE ORGASMS

    A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:
    Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!
    Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.
    Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.
    Blonde: ( looking shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy?
     
  5. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    What's the definition of eternity? 4 blondes at a 4 way stop.
     
  6. Thorn

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    That's a good one. :lol
     
  7. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    BLONDE MEDICAL TERMINOLOGY

    Artery -- Study of paintings
    Bacteria -- Back door of cafeteria
    Barium -- What doctors do when treatment fails
    Bowel -- Letter like A.E.I.O.U
    Caesarean section -- District in Rome
    Cat scan -- Searching for kitty
    Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
    Colic -- Sheep dog
    Coma -- A punctuation mark
    Congenital -- Friendly
    D&C -- Where Washington is
    Diarrhea -- Journal of daily events
    Dilate -- To live long
    Enema -- Not a friend
    Fester -- Quicker
    Fibula -- A small lie
    G.I. Series -- Soldiers' ball game
    Grippe -- Suitcase
    Hangnail -- Coathook
    Impotent -- Distinguished, well known
    Intense pain -- Torture in a teepee
    Labor pain -- Got hurt at work
    Medical staff -- Doctor's cane
    Morbid -- Higher offer
    Nitrate -- Cheaper than day rate
    Node -- Was aware of
    Outpatient -- Person who had fainted
    Pelvis -- Cousin of Elvis
    Post operative -- Letter carrier
    Protein -- Favoring young people
    Rectum -- It almost killed him
    Recovery room -- Place to do upholstery
    Rheumatic -- Amorous
    Scar -- Rolled tobacco leaf
    Secretion -- Hiding anything
    Seizure -- Roman emperor
    Serology -- Study of knighthood
    Tablet -- Small table
    Terminal illness -- Sickness at airport
    Tibia -- Country in North Africa
    Tumor -- An extra pair
    Urine -- Opposite of you're out
    Varicose -- Located nearby
    Vein - Conceited
     
  8. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?

    A: A Rooster says in the Morning - "Cockll-doodlle-doooooo", while a blonde shouts, "Any-cock'll-doooo."

    _______________________________
    Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?

    A: Because she got an F in sex.
    _______________________________
    Q: Why is a blonde like a stamp?

    A: Both get licked, then stuck, and finally sent on their way.
     
  9. LilKitten

    LilKitten New Member

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    Oh my goodness - that drivers license one was too funny!! :lol
     
  10. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    What did the blonde say when she looked into the box of Cheerios? "OH LOOK!!! Donut seeds."
    -----------------------
    What do you call a blonde with two brain cells? Pregnant with twins.
    -----------------------
    Three blondes walked into a bar. You'd think that one of them would have seen it.
    -----------------------
     
  11. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    BLONDE ON DEATH ROW

    Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.

    Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
    She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
    Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!"
    Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.
    -----------------------------------------
    The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
    She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
    The redhead then screams, "TORNADO!!"
    Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.
    -----------------------------------------
    By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did.
    The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
    She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ."
    The blonde shouts,"FIRE!!"
    ------------------------------
    :stupid
     
  12. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    What's the difference between a blond and a brick?
    When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around.

    What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
    When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking.

    What does a blonde say when you asked her what the last two words of the national anthem are?
    Play ball.

    What do you call a blond with a half brain?
    Gifted.
     
  13. Thorn

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    They call these blond jokes but they are so true!:lol
     
  14. RedMatrix

    RedMatrix Banned

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    Yes, funny because they stem from the truth! Blondes usually get everything handed to them and need not worry about the happenings around the world.
     
  15. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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  16. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    SHE WAS SO BLONDE, THAT...

    She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

    She thought a quarterback was a refund.

    She tripped over the cordless phone.

    She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

    She told someone to meet her at the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk".

    She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

    At the bottom of the application where is says "Sign here", she wrote Sagittarius.

    If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.

    When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved.

    She got an AM radio. It took her 9 months to figure out that she could use it at night.

    When she saw the sign in front of the YMCA, she said, "Look! They spelled Macy's wrong!".

    She stood staring at the frozen orange juice because it said "Concentrate".
     
  17. Hot Wheels

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    Wonder if its the same with animals?
    I had a white cat once, an animal so stupid that if you moved its dinner bowl six inches it would have starved to death.
     
  18. Thorn

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    Love your signature HW! :lol I assume your screen name derives from that racing series. (?)
     
  19. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    ummmmm - I'm sorry, Thorn, but I just don't get the punch line :ugh

    [​IMG]
     
  20. Thorn

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    Rose, you are the punch line. :lol