Bisexual boyfriend?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by decemberchick, Sep 29, 2007.

?

Can a man love a woman and have sexual desires for males?

  1. Yes

    81.5%
  2. No

    7.6%
  3. It's just out of curiosity, but it will die down

    4.3%
  4. He's on his way to becoming a gay

    6.5%
  1. decemberchick

    decemberchick New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2007
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Hong Kong
    I recently found out that my boyfriend is a subscriber of gayformen.com, a site for gays and bisexuals, and that he sometimes reads nude mags for gays! I felt shattered when I learned about this. I confronted him, and he told me that it's just nothing, that he loves me and that he's planning our future together. I can feel that he's sincere about building a family together. What I don't understand is, why does he view stuffs for gays? I'm scared that he may not be satisfied when we have sex, and that I may never be able to satisfy him since he's desiring for something I can never have. Is it true that those are just sexual desires and it's nothing? Can a guy love a woman and at the same time have sexual desires for the same sex? Im so confused on what to believe in right now.
     
  2. LPjammin

    LPjammin New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2007
    Messages:
    907
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    MD
    Let's put it this way...

    ...if BF was regularly looking at web sites for guitars or guns or ATV's or wine tasting or PEZ dispenser collecting and getting magazines for same, would you be stunned a few years down the road if he played guitar, went to the range, bought an ATV, drank wine or had a really cool PEZ dispenser collection?

    Still confused?

    So, he may well want to build a family. Just understand his hobbies will likely be part of the rest of his life. So don't come back here in 5 years like you didn't know.
     
  3. Squint

    Squint Member

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2007
    Messages:
    91
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    WI - USA
    He may love you. But your concern may still be justified.

    Unfulfilled desires can grow over time and as you say, ‘how are you doing to compete with that kind of desire’?

    But, if I live to be 200, I would still not understand what anyone would see attractive in men. Women ok, I get it.

    Regards,
     
  4. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    3,754
    Likes Received:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Northern Indiana
    I know two couples in that situation.
    Both Men wanted the front of having a wife only.
    Both now have their boy-friends living with them now
    Both women now have the absolute right to sleep with whom ever
    they like. But are not allowed to have a live in boy friend as the
    men do.
    The sad part is that their Children are mentally bothered by their dad
    sleeping with another Man.
    I would advise dropping him now as he will never change no matter
    what he promises you.

    Hiker
     
  5. Dreama

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2006
    Messages:
    3,890
    Likes Received:
    15
    Gender:
    Female
    It's the same situation for bisexual women, which I am one....I love my fiane, and want to live my life with him, but I do find women attractive. That doesn't mean I'd rather fuck women than my fiance or anything, but I find people of the same sex appealing. As long as he's faithful to you, I'd not worry about it.
     
    TonyD likes this.
  6. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    3,754
    Likes Received:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Northern Indiana
    Drema that is very common for Women,
    Generally speaking most Women are bi not gay and can handle
    living with a man and the maternal instinct of women helps
    as they generally want to raise children.
    But that is not necessarily so with men.
    The need a woman as a front only. Of some can be bi but
    most of the time they will move their male friend in with them.

    Hiker
     
  7. NaughtyKnickers

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2007
    Messages:
    1,609
    Likes Received:
    8
    Gender:
    Female
    I didn't answer the poll question because I think that love and sexual fantasies are two totally separate things. He could love you, and still have sexual fantasies about all sorts of things, that doesn't necessarily nullify his love for you, perse.

    Also, I wouldn't say your man is 'on his way to being gay' necessarily, but if he finds gay porn attractive you're going to have to accept that as a part of who he is. Sometimes desires and fantasies do fade on their own, but you don't want to force that issue and get into the game of him simply suppressing it now to make you happy, and then down the road, who knows?

    If that is part of his sexuality, maybe the question is, do you love him? Can you accept that from him?

    It's probably best to be brutally honest with yourself, or you might regret it later. :( Good luck, you're in a tough spot.
     
  8. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    3,754
    Likes Received:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Northern Indiana
    NK said
    Good point.

    Hiker
     
  9. emerlyj

    emerlyj New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2007
    Messages:
    551
    Likes Received:
    6
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Wales
    I think your questions and concerns are ones you need to discuss with him, as only he can really know the answers to them.
    I don't know what it is like for a bisexual man but i am a bisexual woman and though I am attracted to women I am in love with my boyfriend and am happy to be with him and only him. While i desire women and would happily watch lesbian porn etc I am content with what I have.
     
  10. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2007
    Messages:
    4,740
    Likes Received:
    7
    Heres another metaphore ...

    If someone walks past a shop window and looks in does that mean they will walk in and buy something, or does that mean they are just looking inside ?

    I am a guy that has had sexual expereinces with other guys a long time back, but guys that are into sex with both women and men, will not look for a female for a cover story and then move in the male sex partner....

    30plus years ago or so that would have been the backs to the walls guys ideal of what its about.

    These days i am contented and overly happy being arounsed by women and only wish to have sexual relations with women, but that doesnt mean i do not look at the male appendages, ( long thick cocks ) and enjoy the look of them.in the same tone it does not mean i am out to have sex with them.

    I am totaly cool with who i am sexualy..

    Perhaps your guy has the same thoughts, but isnt after taking things further




    Its usualy termed as FANTASY.........



    As humans and sexual beings we need to get past this "if a guy looks at another guy it means he is gay or on his way to being gay"

    How many women here look at other women ?

    How many guys here watch action films ? ( did you know some people would say watching action films is something only a gay or bisexual guy would watch, masculin man muscled and toned ....
     
  11. heelfetish

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2006
    Messages:
    7,392
    Likes Received:
    6
    These are two of the most generalized and frankly ridiculous statements I have ever read on here, BH. You can't base an entire gender based on your 2 friends. Men are just as likely to be 'bi' as women. What I do see is a lot less tolerance of bisexual men compared to bisexual women.
     
  12. uvKitten

    uvKitten New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2007
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    0
    I had a bisexual roomate (a guy) for 6 years; despite stigmas about college kids and bisexual guys, he only ever had one girlfriend or boyfriend at a time. Meaning he could be attracted to both men and women, but he would only have a relationship with one person at a time.

    I also had another roomate in that same house, straightly heterosexual and maybe even a bit homophobic ... and he goes through his girlfriends like paper towel. He would have a girlfriend in a foreign country for a coop work term and so he would start dating a girl from his dance club; while sweet-talking to his girlfriend in Europe. Then he started to make a move onto another girl roomate, while he is still going out with this dance club girl...

    So I think it's unfair to think he won't be faithful to you just because he is bi. Anyone can be faithful; but it takes effort for everyone.
     
  13. decemberchick

    decemberchick New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2007
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Hong Kong

    Thanks for wishing me luck Naughtyknickers...

    Questions have been running on my mind for months now -- as to why he's into those stuffs, what aspect about it does he find appealing, etc. I've actually tried to talk to him about it, so that I can understand him more. It's just that he's not ready to open up that side of his personality. He says that I should just trust him, he knows what he needs to do and he wants to handle it alone.

    He's been attracted to gay porn for almost 8 years now (I snooped around his bedroom that's why I know). We've been together for 3 and a half years, and prior to me, he's had 2 ex-girlfriends. One realization that hit me though, is that even if he has been attracted to gay porn, huge cocks, or sexy men, he CHOOSES to be with women. Putting his bisexual desires aside, our relationship is in fact the best I've ever had. And I can totally see myself with him in the future.

    I guess this realization is what keeps me to stick with him. And I'm hoping that one day, he'll grow out of it.:eyes
     
  14. decemberchick

    decemberchick New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2007
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Hong Kong
    Kronnie,

    Thanks for your two cents. Feels reassuring to know that there are other guys like the case of my boyfriend. I'm really hoping he'll grow out of it...

    Question though, what made you stop pursuing sexual experiences with men? Also, if I may ask, do you have a wife/family of your own?
     
  15. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2007
    Messages:
    4,740
    Likes Received:
    7

    The reason i stopped having relationships ( of only a sexual nature ) with guys is because i think it was mainly just a phase i was going through as a teenage male.

    No i dont have a family or a wife, never been married and not had the chance to have a family. (And i dont mind you asking either i like to think i am quite an open guy )

    But your guy may grow out of looking at other guys and getting aroused, he may not though, but either way it doesnt mean his love for you is any less, and does not mean he will wish or want to persue males in a real life sexual way.

    Sometimes were have fantasies about things we are not always in control off.
     
  16. NaughtyKnickers

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2007
    Messages:
    1,609
    Likes Received:
    8
    Gender:
    Female
    Sounds like you're handling it with a level head.

    Maybe he's not open to discussion because he doesn't even know why he enjoys it!
    Sexual attraction is strange that way, what trips one persons trigger repulses another's, and those attractions can be hard to define or explain no matter how strongly we feel them.

    Hopefully everything works out well for the two of you, I admire you for sticking it out, I'm not sure I could. :eek:
     
  17. BiBiBaby

    BiBiBaby New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2004
    Messages:
    658
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female


    This is a TERRIFIC and amazingly openminded approach to a situation that can be very difficult for anyone.

    You're right, he is choosing to be with you because you are whats important to him.

    I would still recomend talking to him, make sure you are open and honest with your expectations. He may never "grow out of it" but if you can handle a future with him looking at gay porn and loving YOU then you may be his dream come true.

    Good Luck to you!1
     
  18. vampire raver

    vampire raver New Member

    Joined:
    May 24, 2007
    Messages:
    743
    Likes Received:
    9
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    South East
    Yeah I agree completely with that one. It kinda pisses me off.

    But on this subject, honesty is the best solution. The best thing you can do at this point is to talk to each other about everything you both want and would like to experience. Good luck and remeber life is to short to block out desires so live life safely and happily.
     
  19. Head Jones IV

    Head Jones IV New Member

    Joined:
    May 8, 2007
    Messages:
    63
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The Desert
    Can I ask: What is the difference in him having fantasies about men or women?

    Most men still have fantasies about women even after they are married, and they don't always fantasize about their wives. If he is loyal to you and has never gave you reason to distrust him then you shouldn't worry. He may just see it as a turn on. a good percentage of men like fantasy for just that, Fantasy. It may lead to ass play which wold probably bring him to a whole other level of intimacy with you. Of course if that is weird for you then discussions should be had with you and him (not the SF boards).
     
  20. espresso

    espresso New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 20, 2007
    Messages:
    185
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm quite proud of everyone in this post for keeping such an open mind!

    In this situation, the best approach is to simply talk about it and see where it goes. He may have no REAL desire to act on his fantasies or he might. Is it such a bad thing to have those kinda fantasies? I don't think so. It also doesn't mean he is bisexual either. I've had a couple experiences with guys when I was a teenager and I completely enjoyed them but I am happily married to the most wonderful woman in the world. She knows of those experiences and I do not consider myself bisexual. I don't really get turned on by the thought of it at all anymore but I also wouldn't rule it out.

    Just try to talk to him about all of it....he may not want to right now but he will when he is ready. Fantasies are sometimes just that.....fantasies. You guys will figure it out! Keep is posted.

    E