BF wants to watch me with another man

Discussion in 'Sexual Fetishes and Fantasies' started by Secret76, Sep 30, 2010.

  1. Secret76

    Secret76 New Member

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    Hi, I'm new to this forum.. just found it a few mins ago.. but I'm glad. Because I have no one else to speak with about this subject.

    I've been with my current BF for 1.8 years.

    Some time back he admitted to me that he wouldn't mind if I had sex with someone else. That the thought actually turned him on. At the time I looked at is as tho maybe he didn't really care about me as much as he said. And it upset me a bit.

    Last week the topic came up again. I asked him if he really meant it. If he was turned on by the idea of me being with someone else. He said "Oh yes".

    I asked if it was a way for him to have permission to be with another girl, because this is something I'm not comfortable with. He said no. That it was purely a sexual turn on to think about me being with another man. And that he'd really like it if I did.. Then afterward call and fill him in on the entire encounter. Smells, feelings, positions, everything. Every little detail.

    We made an agreement, defined the rules, and I've been flirting with a man I know so it looks as tho it might actually happen.

    Thing is, all of this is evolving really fast. Shortly after making the agreement, I thought about him watching instead of just getting the play-by-play. I got extremely turned on thinking about it. So I asked for his thoughts. He was immediately turned on, and said he'd VERY much like it if I could arrange for him to watch.

    When I think about how turned on he says he'll get watching, it turns me on that much more.

    Am I alone or are other women as turned on by the thought of their significant other watching them with someone else?

    Other things have begun to creep into my mind, but I'll save those for later. ;)
     
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  2. HardRocker

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    It seems to be a not uncommon fantasy among some men. If you read around these SF Forums, there are many threads discussing the successes and pitfalls of following through with this. The number one advice from those that have pulled it off without ruining their relationship is to NOT RUSH. And many who were very careful still blew their relationship.

    Since I'm not one who is interested in doing it, I suggest you read up on it here while waiting for replies from those members who know more about it.

    And welcome to SF, we're glad you came here for advice. We have a lot of members who love to help you understand the ins and outs of whatever sexual behavior you want to talk about.
     
  3. Meee

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    Hi. Welcome. I have a habit of answering questions with questions--then I can get a better idea idea how to answer:


    How old are you? How old is he?
    Is he your first? Are you his first?
    What kind of talks have you had with him about your future life together and so on?


    While I'm waiting for the answers, here's a thought I had right away:


    It isn't a good idea to flirt with the other man. He doesn't know what's going on or why you're doing it. He doesn't know it's just an arrangement you're trying to work out. He might misunderstand and develop feelings for you and think you want him instead of your boyfriend.


    So when it's time to make this happen with a man you have chosen, be direct and clear about what you're proposing.
     
  4. Secret76

    Secret76 New Member

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    While I'd rather not give exact ages, I'm older and he is significantly younger. Not my nor his first. We are actually engaged and this is something we have discussed quite a bit since it was brought up. I've asked tons of questions of him.

    And the man I've been flirting with knows I have a BF and I'm not looking for a relationship, he knows I just want sex. That has been established. So I guess it's a bit more than flirting, but he's not committed himself yet.
     
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  5. Meee

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    Well, if you're actually engaged, I guess your relationship might have a foundation that's strong enough to survive an experiment like that.

    And just to be clear about the flirting: "Not looking for a relationship" is still not clear enough in my humble* opinion. It doesn't necessarily mean that your fiance will know about it. It could mean that you're looking to cheat.

    Anyway, this kind of question is so popular on the internet, finally I turned to the boyfriend and asked, "What about you? Do you want to watch me have sex with another guy?"
    "Babe, there are two answers to that. The first one is no."
    "And what is the second one?"
    "Fuck no."

    I admit that it's sexy sometimes to think about the boyfriend having sex with another girl and making her moan and sweat and...er...what I mean is, I like to think about how I'm sure he could make any girl enjoy it the way I do. But it's a fantasy--just some kind of strange compliment to him, I think. I know for sure I don't want it to happen.



    *Legal disclaimer available on request.
     
  6. Secret76

    Secret76 New Member

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    Actually, he knows that my BF and I have an open relationship arrangement. I would never want to cheat. And I wanted him to know that.

    It isn't about how I feel about him being with someone else. Because I absolutely could not handle it. I'm quite jealous.

    This is something he wanted, and I grew to want. And now I'm quite turned on by the prospect.
     
  7. awakened

    awakened New Member

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    I am with you Secret76. The thought of how turned on he will be, makes me even more excited. But, I want my SO to join us at the same time !!!!!! He says he gets jealous when I flirt with guys around him, but it really turns him on at the same time !! We have been married 17 yrs but just started talking about it the last month or so.
     
  8. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    There seems to be a misconception that straight males only fantasize about two women threesomes and that any suggestion by a male about having a two male threesome implies that the male is at least bisexual. From my experience with cuckolds and two male threesomes I feel you can be straight while still being aroused by the idea.

    Since you have been discussing this topic I believe the two of you are moving from fantasy to make it happen. The main challenge I feel you face is making sure your flirting with the other male does not rush the decision regarding this experience whereby the needed discussions do no occur which lead to hurt feelings, missed opportunity, or conflict due to assumptions being made due to the needed discussions did not happen. Furthermore point that you have not mentioned is what you have communicated to the other guy about your intentions and at my assumption based on where you state you are with him is you have not told him about your intentions. At some point you will have to let him know that you are looking for a threesome situation in which you boyfriend takes on a voyeur role, which means he watches but does not participated. Once you tell him you can expect one of four reactions: agreement, agreement with some conditions, him asking for a cuckold situation, or refusal to go forward with your idea. This means that most likely more discussions need to occur in order to work through some potential responses to his reaction.

    This leads to the question when do you mention your intentions to him? It is possible that he may make the suggestion to you. However since he knows you are in an open relationship with your boyfriend then he maybe looking to you for cues about the next step. When both your boyfriend and yourself feel as though the two of you are ready to take this step then I would suggest bringing it up to him and be prepared to answer any questions, regardless of how personal they maybe. Should he begin signaling that he is ready, such as asking questions about your relationship, then I feel you need as a couple to decide if you are ready. In the event you are not you may want to delay it by easing back on your flirting or tell him to give you a bit more time. Essentially your preparedness to go forward with this idea should be driving your flirting and directing him towards the threesome, not the opposite. Finally remember should it happen that the two of you should discuss it afterwards to work through any feelings or issues that the experience may have created.

    In conclusion it takes allot of work to make something like this happen and not to leave hurt feelings. Provided the your boyfriend and yourself continue to communicate about this then I feel you will have an enjoyable experience.
     
  9. NewHere

    NewHere New Member

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    Actually this is something that has come up with me and my man too. He gets really turned on when I tell him about past encounters I have had. Of course him getting turned on works me up even more =p I have no urge to ever cheat nor do I want anyone else. but I will admit the thought of being a naughty girl then telling him all about it gets me going. I have also fantasized about him watching it happen and possibly joining in. I too am very jealous and don't even like the thought of my man being with anyone else. I have told him this and he said he has no desire for anyone else. he just likes to see and hear about me enjoying my body and having a good time.

    I say if all parties are well informed and all for it, have fun girl!
     
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  10. smokeandmirrors55

    smokeandmirrors55 New Member

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    I understand how your BF feels. I'm married and the thought of my wife having sex in front of me with another man drives me crazy. No jealousy, but just the thought of her lying down with her legs spread inviting a new cock into her is breath taking. I would love for her to feel all the pleasure.
     
  11. Secret76

    Secret76 New Member

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    While we aren't married, this is how he says he feels.
     
  12. Secret76

    Secret76 New Member

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    BTW, I appreciate all of the feedback. :)
     
  13. lbushwalker

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    Secret76, this is a common fantasy and admittedly a big sexual turn on for some but IMHO in reality has a very high potential to destroy the love you have for one another.
    But in the end if that is what you both want now well enjoy but remember you got to live with the consequences for the rest of your lives if you intend to marry.
    If/when it happens please remember to share with us too if that turns you both on as well.
     
  14. thewiseman

    Guest

    It does seem strange but some men do get turned on by it. I guess it is more of him being turned on by it just because of how much you will be. Personally my ex wife and I did this once and she had the greatest sex ever, and for me it was a big turn on. Although a little scary at first, but once you get started or should I say turned on you will not be scared, but very aroused and turned on. Afterwards our relationship got very good sexually we opened up and could talk about anything. We did do it a couple of more times. But I know your thinking why is she my ex, well it had nothing to do with the other guy joining us. It had to do with money we were young. Now I'm re-married to should I say a wonderful wife. She is very outgoing with sex. I would like to try to see if see would have a person join (a guy), I know she will love it, we have talked about it but more like pillow talk. I have never just right out ask her to let a stranger in the bed out right, but have hinted it in a serious way. She never says no and it does turn her on more two watch a adult movie with two men and a female she usually orgasms real fast and she likes me to talk to her while she is using her dildo like it is another man inside her. I know she masturbates when I'm away watching these type movies and she also searches them on the internet of the same nature. She did say once that she thought I was trying to talk her into it just to get her to be with another women with me along. She did say she would have sex with a girl but it would be in private and that she would tell me about it. But to her not knowing I have never really thought of her and I with another women it doesnt' really turn me on. But it does turn me on to think about her with another man and me at the same time. I will tell you why it turns me on, because I loving her, I want her to have the best sex of a lifetime me seeing that would make me happy to know how pleased she would be.
     
  15. awakened

    awakened New Member

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    thewiseman, you are a godsend today !!! I wanted to hear your words but did not ask them yet. I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited about our adventure to start !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  16. thewiseman

    Guest


    Well have fun I know you will. I'm going to soon pop the big question to my wife. I think by her actions and what I can see that turns her on I will not get slapped HA! HA! :eyes I bet she will be shy to say OK to it, thats what I'm here to do is convince her that its OK. Then on the other hand she may say when, where and how. I know it does turn her own to role play about it during sex so I might be the one keeping her waiting. I do know that she has mentioned a few wild things she has done in her life before I came along. But I promise you If its for all the right reasons you and you significant other will have the greatest time of you relationship it greatly helped my ex wife and us to light the fire which had gone out for years. But other things destroyed our marriage as mentioned in the first post. We were just kids out of high school on our 4th year of marriage with no money at all, which is what took us apart our sex life never was a factor just immaturity.
     
    #16 thewiseman, Oct 20, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 20, 2010
  17. stocking1

    stocking1 New Member

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    So does anyone know how this turned out?
     
  18. Untamed

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    yeah I wouldn't mind knowing as well
     
  19. Alwayslearningsex

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    If you are both fine with the idea I advise to be careful how you handle things and how you approach and deal with potential men.
    Feelings can get the better of you so be careful how you do this.
     
  20. stocking1

    stocking1 New Member

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    My wife and I have talked about doing this for years. In fact, an opportunity came up out of the blue for her last night while I was at home reading about it.....curious how life can work out at times.

    Anyway, we'll see what happens.