Best Way to find a Friend with Benefits?

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Victus, Aug 14, 2012.

  1. Victus

    Victus New Member

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    Is there some kind of secret to getting that kind of thing going on? Some secret password you have to use to get into the club? Or is it just "Head to the bar, and keep trying, despite how many times you get slapped/pepper-sprayed?"

    As many of you know, since I've been here, been trying hard to find someone, anyone, to fool around with. I'm probably pretty close to being, if not actually, a bit of a nympho. I've gotten laid once in around a year and a half, and have next to no more confidence left in myself with how many times I've been shot down.

    I'm not a bad looking guy, though hardly a male model, so I'm a bit confused as to why nobody seems to find me attractive enough to at least take a shot with me. Am I too open and honest about what I want? Should I be a jerk to folks I'm looking to bed, rather than the good guy that I really am?

    Not sure what answers will arise from this, but if not, at least I'm getting this rant out of my system for the time being. I'm in quite a funk at the moment from all the rejection and lack of being desired.
     
  2. OverSinged

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    No idea, I've found plenty of women that wouldn't mind it, though none in my area xD
     
  3. MILF_Rider

    MILF_Rider Member

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    What it sounds like you need is to learn about attraction. Look for books on being a pick up artist.

    But I don't know if FWB is really exactly what you're looking for, and on that subject I couldn't help you if that is what you're looking for. I take it as you're looking for a sex partner without any particular concern what kind of relationship is involved..
     
  4. AGFUNK

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    Personally I always used craigslist or there was this site called passion. It's not really free anymore though and was better years ago. Maybe you should try craigslist if you haven't already or try some other sites as well. Though I think you're looking for for a fuck buddy than a friends with benefits. Being friends and having sex nsa doesn't really ever work.
     
  5. Victus

    Victus New Member

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    At the moment, I'm just looking for FWB, since I have someone I'm holding out for as far as a relationship is concerned. She says I'm quite high up on her dating radar, but she's just not feeling a relationship right now, not after a string of long-distance and bad relationships she's had in the recent years.

    I suppose I could try looking for some books. Got any particular recommendations for me? I've read a few books in the past, and most of the advice in them just got me laughed out of whatever establishment I chose that day.

    Probably doesn't help that I'm really shy around folks in real life, and despite knowing that getting turned down means I walk away same as I approached, I still get so damned nervous. It just really hurts that no one will even give me a second look, let alone a chance to make them feel wonderful (and myself in the process, but I always consider my lover's needs first)

    @AGFUNK Didn't they remove the adult ad section from Craigslist? Thought I heard about that before...I'll have to check into that.
     
    #5 Victus, Aug 14, 2012
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2012
  6. AGFUNK

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    They removed the adult gigs section. The personals section is still there.
     
  7. AGFUNK

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    It might just be because you are nervous. Other people can pick up on that.
     
  8. Victus

    Victus New Member

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    How does one get rid of those nerves when trying to pick folks up? So far, the only two relationships I've been in started as friendships, so there wasn't really the nerves. I'm not looking to find someone and be their friends for god knows how long before I can bang 'em either XD;;;

    Just started checking out some of the personal ads on craigslist for my area, might've found someone. Just gotta wait for a reply, but seems like he wants others to host (I don't have a car, so that helps matters), and seems up for just about anything :D
     
  9. AGFUNK

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    I don't really know how to really get rid of the nerves. I guess it just takes time. Probably after you've met with someone and fucked them it will get easier.

    I remember the first few times I had casual sex I was pretty nervous myself just because I was self conscious about my body. But after meeting people that liked my pics, etc the shyness and nervousness just disappeared.
     
  10. Victus

    Victus New Member

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    Hopefully mine will too. I mean, if I get a definite shot at getting some, the nerves do melt away. It's generally the initial approach. Sometimes my voice gets so shaky and I just end up stuttering out a horrible intro ._.
     
  11. 12barblues

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    Seems to me....if I can remember that far back....the most important aspect of meeting women was knowing what woman you COULD approach....before you ever say a word to her....and after 30 minutes in a room, you should be able to tell which ones they are......
     
  12. Victus

    Victus New Member

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    You'd think I would be able to, but I don't seem to have that ability to tell. I usually have to end up flying blind. Flying blind is as about as dangerous as it sounds XD;;
     
  13. 12barblues

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    Try shutting yer brain off and trusting your instincts.....it could be as subtle as a glance that lasts a 1/2 second longer than it should....

    Hang in there brother......
     
  14. cbrmale

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    There has to be two-way attraction and you need to learn the signs, and friends with benefits are extremely, extremely rare. They normally start off as one-night stands that went really well.

    I know the signs and I do exploit them (I have two friends with benefits at the moment), so obviously I have the stuff to take a one-night-stand to the next level too. I suggest you buy a book on how to be a pick-up artist because the signs of attraction and what you do from then on are pretty much universal. But this is only to get a woman to have sex with you.

    Beyond the technique, confidence is key. You have to believe that you are a very special man, a man like no other, and when you and that woman have sex then she's going to enjoy it with you. If you don't have that confidence then all the techniques in the world won't help.
     
  15. Victus

    Victus New Member

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    Dammit, that's what I figured. My confidence has pretty much been shattered after years of rejection, even though I know I'm amazing in bed. It feels like I just don't know how to be confident anymore, if it's even possible :(
     
  16. pbs

    pbs
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    One thing that worked when I was young was to make like sex is the very last thing that's on your mind - play it like you don't even want sex, just a good time. I found that some women found this very attractive, and then sex became their idea.
     
  17. Clintriprock

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    FWB, FRIENDS is the operative word. You need someone that is already a friend and THEN ask for a benefits type relationship
     
  18. Ready2Please

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    Agreed! Sounds like you just want a fuck buddy not really friends. Especially if you are holding out for that girl but what happens if she is stringing you along to find someone else. Has she really said that she feels the same way you feel for her.
     
  19. pawg69lover

    pawg69lover New Member

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    Honestly your best bet would be either to frequent the local clubs & bars in your area and hope you run into a woman looking for that but you'll probably have more success trolling the online dating websites such as match.com or yahoo or any of the other big ones that are out there...GOOD LUCK!
     
  20. Victus

    Victus New Member

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    Yeah, bad choice of words on my part. Just looking for someone to fuck senseless somewhat regularly.

    From what I can tell, she's not just stringing me along. She has said she feels very strongly towards me as well. She's just been through some bad relationships the last few years, and isn't ready to chance it again so soon.

    I'm way too honest to even pretend like sex isn't on my mind. It really seems to be one of the few things ever on my mind anymore. I'm just in such a hellish dry-spell that I really can't even hide it for the life of me.

    I guess for now, I'll just follow some of the suggestions here. I've already started looking on craigslist and hopefully get a response soon (I replied to a few ads, but not response back yet). Not much luck at the bar here in town, but I do try occasionally (We've only got the one bar. You could blink and miss Howard City as you drive through it)

    I thank all of you for your replies, and I do apologize for being so mopey and depressed with myself. Normally I can fight it well enough, but sometimes the depression hits me really hard and I can't seem to fight it.