Best friend, what to do?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Unquenchable, Jul 5, 2007.

  1. Unquenchable

    Unquenchable New Member

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    I could really use some advice on this one because I have no idea how its going to play out. Recently, was my best female friend's birthday and we went out drinking to celebrate. Now I can't really describe how close I am to this woman, but its pretty much as close as I can imagine being to anyone in terms of friendship. Anyway, after her party thing, I was walking her home and she suggested that I just spend the night because her place is way closer than mine. This isn't unusual as she's spent the night with me before, without there being any kind of sexual tension or advances from either of us. Speaking of which, our relationship has never been sexually charged whatsoever. I know she's an attractive girl but she's always been out of the question because when we started to become friends she was the girlfriend of a friend of mine, and since then we've been too close. So I went home with her and we got changed for bed then proceeded to talk about random stuff for like 2 hours. Finally at like 3:30 in the morning she decided it was time to go to sleep. We jump in her bed and kinda snuggle up with each other. I doze off only for her to wake up like 5 minutes later asking me about a birthday present that I was supposed to give her from a mutual friend. The gift itself was a complete joke, this friend had coerced me into giving the girl that I'd gone home with a kiss as a present from her. I decided that as we were both somewhat intoxicated and in bed together kissing her probably wasn't the best idea, but she refused to go back to sleep unless I gave her "her present". So I kissed her, pretty much like a person would kiss a family member. After about a 20 second awkward silence we were all over each other. We ended up doing pretty much everything but sexual intercourse (I didn't plan on needing a condom this particular night). She even stopped and asked me in the middle if I thought it would be awkward the next day, which of course I answered no too.

    So the morning came and it was awkward, though not horribly. Actually I was surprised it wasn't way worse. But as it turned out because yesterday was a holiday I ended up spending most of it with her and other friends, including a good friend of both of ours who I was getting pretty serious with before we decided to slow down a few months ago. That was really awkward as these two are like childhood friends. Also it was just kinda weird, she acted both closer to me and more distant and is nothing I can really put my finger on. In fact, its most likely a combination of what is really happening and my own paranoia.

    I've slept/messed around/hookedup with friends before but not friends that are nearly this close. So I guess after all that background, I want to ask, what should I do to not fuck up my friendship with her? There's a possibility that I'm worrying about nothing and we'll both be "adult" enough to not take it seriously but my life usually doesn't work out like that. I know the most obvious advice would be that if it gets weird to talk to her about it, and I will. The main reason I'm posting this is because I'm sure many of you have been in very similar situations and I would love any advice that you have on the matter.

    Sorry for the long post but some sound advice would really put my mind at ease on this one, because unlike many of the women I end up messing around with she's a lot more important to me than just "some other girl".
     
  2. Kahurin

    Kahurin New Member

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    hum Of Course its going to be awkward especially for the girl We are more emotional then you. Are you sure shes alright? Are you sure she doesn't want more? You need to talk to her anyhow.
     
  3. LaVitaDolce

    LaVitaDolce New Member

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    If I were you I'd sit her down and talk to her. Just get it out in the open now instead of waiting forever. Personally, I don't think I would of done it because it could cause trouble in the long run, but hey people make mistakes. Hopefully you two can sort this out and be close friends again.
     
  4. HardRocker

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    Well, it could be a good thing. If your relationship has changed to a romantic one, the fact that you were first good friends could be the glue that binds you together. You just have to remember to continue to be friends as well as lovers. Maybe she's the one.
     
  5. n0t0r10u5

    n0t0r10u5 New Member

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    You guys just need to talk it out!
     
  6. Joe

    Joe
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    Yup, talk it over. You're already good friends, so you should be able to have a frank discussion. As Hardrocker suggests, this could be a turning point in your relationship that leads to good things. You've both got to be honest.
     
  7. Onxymornatic

    Onxymornatic New Member

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    Yes, talk to her about it and how you feel. It could change things or just strengthen your friendship with her.

    A few years back, before I met my wife, I had met someone for who I felt a major attraction to, she was a few years older than me and I had to get to know her. We got on well, and became close, we went out to a club then spent the night together in a b&b. Nothing was intended to happen we spent a few hours talking when we got back to the b&b. Then when we decided to sleep, neither of us could. I don't sleep in strange places well anyhow and at that time she had insomnia. But we snuggled up, she placed my hand on her left boob, then shortly after that started stroking my side, I enjoyed this and we started kissing. Things progressed and as I was paying attention to her boobs. Something snapped in me and it just felt wrong, I had no idea why, I still don't. I fancied her stupidly and was very in love with her. I told her it felt wrong, I felt bad. we just snuggled and slept. Next morning there was a bit of tension but on the way home, around a 2 hour drive, we talked and after became very close friends over the next few months, I fell more for her and eventually told her exactly how I felt, she was shocked but nothing came of it, today she is still my best friend. I feel better having her as a friend than losing her from an awkward one night stand.
     
  8. liquidshells

    liquidshells New Member

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    The awesome thing about this is the fact that girls are hornier than guys in general. The fact that you're a close friend is essentially the best thing she could ask for in a partner. If she's comfortable with her sexuality, it would probablly be IDEAL for her to have a partner she knows shes comfortable with and is trustworthy. Talk to her about being friends with benefits, it could pan out nicely.
     
  9. XtinaFab

    XtinaFab New Member

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    Do you want to continue to mess around, take things futher (sex), date, or just go back to what things like were before?

    I mean she may have just wanted some birthday lovin! What girl would NOT want birthday lovin? I would consider my birthday a complete bust without getting any!
    Whatever you want out of this situation, you are going to just be straight forward about it and have a talk. Chances are she is probably having the same mental tennis match going on as you are.
     
  10. Unquenchable

    Unquenchable New Member

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    Thanks for the helpful responses all, they are really enlightening.

    For one thing we did talk about it, a lot, the next morning. Pretty much no conclusions were reached except that we were both alright with what had happened and that I am an amazing kisser ;) . Things have returned to pretty much normalcy between us but now I'm not even sure what that means. After writing my first post I realize that they way we have always interacted with each other has been so comfortable that its now hard to tell what is meant by it. For instance, it would not be unusual for me to grope her or her to lick me or some other stupid shit, simply to get a reaction from the people around us. I always assumed that neither of us meant anything by it. Now I'm trying to figure out, whether the other night was simply an extension of that as pure entertainment, or something more.

    To be honest I don't really care what comes out of this so long as I don't lose her as a friend. My biggest worry is that I misinterpret something and I either unknowingly reject her or come off as too forward. However, I am probably over analyzing the situation as I have never known her to be anything but honest and straightforward with me anyway.
     
  11. Onxymornatic

    Onxymornatic New Member

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    Just talk to her, over analyzing the situation is the worst thing you can do.

    Go round to see her and talk to her about it. It is the best thing you can do. Also how do you feel towards her, or better put how does she make you feel? She may feel the same way.

    Talk to her.
     
  12. mmmm

    mmmm New Member

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    Talk To Her!
     
  13. Bob Bobertson

    Bob Bobertson New Member

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    hum Of Course its going to be awkward especially for the girl We are more emotional then you. Are you sure shes alright? Are you sure she doesn't want more? You need to talk to her anyhow.

    cough sexist and untrue cough

    Anyways, is this not the thing that most people want in a relationship? someone who you are close to, almost best friends? I like to look at my parents relationship when it comes to near perfect, they have been married almost 25 years, never had a fight, and are each others best friends. They couldn't be happier... you should think about how amazing a relationship it could be
     
  14. Runtoyou

    Runtoyou New Member

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    Sounds like you have a cool friend. Certainly talk to her but she not tell you if she wants more if she wants you to want her the way she wants you. Does that make sense?
     
  15. Unquenchable

    Unquenchable New Member

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    UPDATE: Well I think things are cool now and some how it seems to have actually made the friendship better. We talked about it extensively just last night actually after 2ish weeks of things being the same but some how different. We decided we would just leave it and see if anything else spontaneously happens and take it from there. So I guess I'll see.