Being there for him while he's depressed

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Firecracker, Oct 21, 2008.

  1. Firecracker

    Firecracker New Member

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    For the past couple of days my feelings of frustration and hurt have been building up until I feel like I'm going to explode! I know that it's not his fault that he's depressed and that talking to someone and maybe happy pills might help.

    It bothers me that there's nothing I can do that seems to help. No words, nothing seems to make any difference whatsoever. He's been there for me when I'm going through hard times and I want to be there for him, but I don't know how. It's hard when he pushes me away. I talk to him and listen, but I wish I could do more.

    I know it's selfish but I feel like I'm so busy being there for him, but there's no one to support me. That I just have to buck up and be stronger than I am. I feel guilty for feeling this way. I believe that we can get through anything, no matter how I feel right now. I guess, I just need to hold on to that and know that there is a light at the end.

    Am I wrong for feeling this way? I love him with all my heart and hate to see him hurting so much with me being powerless to do anything! I don't talk to him about these feelings because I don't want to add salt to the wound. So I come online and write it out because if I don't get it out, it will consume me.
     
  2. Firecracker

    Firecracker New Member

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    He's decided to drop out of university even though he worked so hard to go back. That makes it even harder.
     
  3. FlirtyChick

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    FC, you have lots of decisions to make right now. Living with a depressed person is not easy, and the people closest to them suffer. You can either stick it out, or leave him. Try to find a support group for yourself, and there are lots of great resources on the web that you can look to for answers. I am going to answer your PM now!
     
  4. HardRocker

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    That is a very commom feeling for a caretaker, that you have no business feeling overwhelmed, sad, or even depressed, because you can't help him if you let those feelings out. Keeping an eye on the light at the end is helpful, but not enough if you know there is a long way to go. There are support groups for caretakers such as yourself. Maybe start by calling a local hospital and ask if there are any meetings open to the public. A depression hotline may be available too.
     
  5. Dreama

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    You have to remember hun, that you can't help someone unless they choose to be helped. Nobody can make another person happy, unless that person is open to being happy themselves. Depression is very hard-Ive been there. In many instances, I was so blinded by my unhappiness, that I didn't want to see anything positive in anything...I've been on the other end of it all, also, with my hubby. It all comes down to this: be supportive, and when your SO is ready to dismiss the minutia of life and accept the positivity around him, he'll be happy. And he'll appreciate that support, because despite what you might think, it does help. The support always helps the person come to see the true awesomeness that is in their life, and how awesome it could be, if they chose to make it that way. Hope this helps a little, hun. Hang in there.
     
  6. wawoo

    wawoo New Member

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    I think in this case I would give you the best answer. He just wants you to be there with him, he is not asking anything from you. All you need to do is listen to him and don't make any judgement.
     
  7. Firecracker

    Firecracker New Member

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    A lot of times when he's upset he says things he doesn't mean. He said he realizes it's crazy to drop out and is going to work hard to catch up. He's going to his counseling appointment today and to classes. Thanks for the advice everyone. Sometimes it's hard to know what his mood will be like. I will keep you updated. Thanks for all of the support.

    I can look for support groups. I've also been very depressed at some points so I know what it's like. Not easy to deal with at all. His issue is worry and anxiety. He worries constantly and has quite acute social anxiety. I really think he appreciates that I'm there for him. I think slowly he will come back, I just have to be patient. I have social anxiety too but not to the same extent.
     
  8. rugbylad82

    rugbylad82 New Member

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    already posted my views on this subject in your other thread, i do sympathise with you both i really do. I think you need some support from elsewhere, whether it is a support group, family or friends and he needs serious professional help soon as it would appear to me he is escalating.
     
  9. ccjcool

    ccjcool New Member

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    Believe me when I say that I know EXACTLY what you're feeling right now. Sometimes the best thing you can do is simply say "I love you. When you're ready, I'm here." I've had to remember that lately myself, as my lovely lady is going through a really hard time herself. Sometimes, you can try too hard, im discovering, and when you push too much, it can make things worse. Let him know that you're there for him and you want to help. As a certain someone told me last night, actually ask WHAT you can do to help, rather than just trying to help. Sometimes thats the better option.
     
  10. Firecracker

    Firecracker New Member

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    He's told me that no matter how depressed or stressed he gets he loves me and is so thankful that I stick by him. I joined a depression forum where I can educate myself and receive support.