[Ask a Girl] Being slow and gentle.

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by pingpong, Jul 2, 2011.

  1. pingpong

    pingpong New Member

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    I have heard that women like aggressive and "hard sex" but that isn't me. I can't see myself ever doing that, I'm more of a gentle guy who wants his wife to orgasm first and then in my own time do my thing.

    Is it possible to go an entire life like this? I really don't want to change, I just can't be aggressive, she's my wife, not some animal.

    So question is that really, can I go a lifetime as what I am, a gentle lover with my wife, or is it a recipe for disaster?
  2. Barbwire

    Barbwire Gold Member

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    Your wife if the one you should be asking this question. She's the one that knows what she likes, not us.

  3. Texas_Red

    Texas_Red Gold Member

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    Can't say it much better than that really. Sexual compatibility is something only you and your partner will know.
  4. pingpong

    pingpong New Member

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    She's very shy, I asked her once and she smiled, perhaps an indication she's happy with how things are. We tend not to discuss intercourse much.

    I think I would rather divorce than be aggressive with a woman ever. I don't know how other guys do it, it's almost like violence to me, but I can't change, but when I read and hear about what girls want it just shouts out loud to me "your sex" is not what a woman wants.
  5. Meee

    Meee Gold Member

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    I think there are a lot of possible replies to your questions. But to start, don't think of it as aggressive. Think of it as vigorous, energetic, excited.

    Also, think about all of the other sexual things you can do with your wife in addition to intercourse. Think about using your hands, and your tongue. Toes, toys, household objects. Think about other areas of her body. Her breasts, her neck, her skin all over. A whole-body experience can turn gentle sex into a deep sexual experience. That can be a lot more meaningful for some women than stereotypical aggressive porn sex.

    If you want to talk to your wife about sex--and every couple should communicate about their sexual relationship--don't just ask her a specific question like, "Do you want it more aggressive?" Talk to her openly about what she wants. Let her choose what she wants to say.

    I'll say one more thing (for now). I just reviewed your posts. Sometimes you talk about things you would never do, things that you think are disgusting. You talk about how you'll never change. But you're married now. You have your whole lives to grow together. Love can really make you feel motivated to stretch and try things. It can make change feel safe.
  6. pbs

    pbs Member

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    YES !!!!! Remember the song "Slow Hand?" My wife is just like yours, and likes a slow and gentle approach to sex. What I've found is that this kind of love making lends itself to teasing, peaking, and very long and joyful experiences. My wife loves to hover right at the brink of orgasm for a long time, with peaks and a break now and then, and then to re-build her desire back to the brink again. Taking a really long time to get to her climax usually results in a much larger release for her than if you got there quickly, and women seem to be able to enjoy a much higher level of arousal for a longer period of time than men can. I prefer the slow and gentle approach, now that I've learned how to do it. If you love to deeply connect with your woman, consider yourself fortunate that she wants to be touched this way :)
  7. pingpong

    pingpong New Member

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    I'm going to address the points you've stated above as they're interesting and perhaps more appropriate. Btw we were virgins when we married and didn't have any relationships before.

    I know you're right about meeting your wife's needs, but this is also about me too, I really can't do that. If I meet those characteristics, then everything I am will amount to nothing. I am not a guy who likes to go crazy, I like it slow and gentle because I am comfortable with that. I suppose you folks will think I'm selfish, but is it really selfish to want to please your wife but not breach your own boundaries?

    I actually have struggled a bit (just a bit) with the sex with my wife. It takes on average 45 mins to make my wife orgasm, she sometimes will orgasm 2/3 times, sometimes not at all, despite me trying to read her moods. Do you know how much of a major blow it is to know you spend the best part of an hour trying to please your other half with no success. I'm close to depression because of it. She doesn't mind the sex, she says she's happy with everything and loves me, but I'm really really upset at the thought I can't please her every night.

    As for thinking about her other body parts, I actually do that a lot. I have discovered she has 3 main areas, feet, belly and inside thighs. Feet thing is weird, but got to be done right?

    Communication between is very simple, it's a look at each other and then a nod or a headshake, we're both uncomfortable about talking it in detail. I suppose being virgins and inexperienced is the reason for this.

    About the things I'm not willing to do, if you're referring to anal sex or letting her go down on me, I'll never change my opinion. She's not giving me a BJ and I am not getting involved in anal sex, that's a change that won't take place. I have changed my view on going down on her though, she really likes it so I have been for a while.

    As f or the final point, you are right. Let's hope we live a long and happy life together.

    Thanks for the advice.
  8. cbrmale

    cbrmale Gold Member

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    Most women like it hard and vigorous at least some of the time, my wife included. Hard sex may not mean you last as long as normal, but that doesn't mean it wasn't pleasurable for a woman.

    The best way to learn is to have a few partners before a life-long partner, and I'm not a big fan of two virgins at marriage. But a forum like this will guide you, because your wife may not be aware of how much she will enjoy different things until you actually do them. So communication may not necessarily work, because she probably needs to be awakened as much as you.

    You should let her do oral sex on you as a percursor to intercourse. Many women do like the power and controll of performing oral sex, although I don't like blow jobs to orgasm myself, so we only do it as part of what most people call foreplay. When we do, my wife enjoys it immensely. It's easy to hold back, so I let her go for as long as I can manage.
  9. CosmicEye

    CosmicEye Gold Member

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    Im a gentle giant myself but I still find it sometimes that I just want hard nasty pig sex when the time is right or if I've been drinkin. I find it impossible to be gentle allll the time. She probly wants you to be nasty and spank her ass too at some time
  10. nurseharley

    nurseharley Gold Member

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    My two cents? I doubt you'll always feel this way. Sex can evolve, so can your hunger for it.
  11. Trond

    Trond Gold Member

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    (Chinese gong!) Very wisely spoken NH. :)
  12. BustyMcGee

    BustyMcGee New Member

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    Personally, I like to cum. If slow and steady wins the race...I'm happy to go on that journey. I enjoy the hard and fast as well but its about the moment, the person you're with and what their 'style' is. If you truly are making your wife cum from your method and she seems pleased with your performance, go with it. I agree with NurseHarley, your sexual appetite will probably change over time and you may find yourself branching out slowly but surely over time. Let it come naturally.
  13. lbushwalker

    lbushwalker Gold Member

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    Meee & NH are probably closest on this issue.
    Pingpong if both of you are happy, well keep doing it the way you have.
    I have been like you most of my life but a sudden revelation occured when I strayed some then to my astonishment found that almost every woman at some stage likes to be to be ravished and not in a gentle way.
    This made me have to think 360 degrees to my previous modo operendi and I have but it still doesn't seem right somehow yet it works so what the hell.
    Sex is about giving the partner what he/she needs so even if it goes against the grain a bit the gain is well worth the little rub.
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2011
  14. Alwayslearningsex

    Alwayslearningsex Gold Member

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    Ping pong, if you read this:
    Do not take things for granted. She smailes for a reason you don't know.
    I like slow gentle sex too, but I like it better if I know a partner is happier from faster, rougher, etc sex, and once in a while she will be fine with slow and gentle. don't wait for her to be bored, or to tell you finally.
    What I mean is you need to try it hard, fast, whatever and see how it goes.
    Repeat a few times. Try a few positions. Hopefully she will tell you something or ask, ......... or her reaction will tell you what she likes better.
    From one post: Take charge. Without hints, try it. Have fun.
    Not that she is an animal, but her body may NEED this to enjoy, and yes, her mind can be quite turned on.
  15. pbs

    pbs Member

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    Some women like a new experience by letting the guy give her pleasure his way. I was with a woman once who always had it rough and tough. I wouldn't do it that way (just not me) and made her slow it down if she wanted to couple. She finally gave in and let me tease and peak her, and after that , it was all she wanted.