Being on a break

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by CruelTease, May 23, 2011.

  1. CruelTease

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    My man & I have decided to go on a break. I was hoping perhaps someone could give me some advice on it, what I should be doing etc as I have no idea. He seems to be going through some sort of phase where he wants to be like his friends, coming & going as they please, doing what & whom they want when they want. I understand he feels too young to be this tied down. I guess I'm hoping he just needs to get this out of his system.

    I understand the need for us to have a break. Things have not been good for some time, we both have things we need to work on as individuals ad being together made it too easy to blame each other for our own flaws & problems.

    I'm not sure what I should be doing, what I should expect, nothing, not a clue.

    We're still living together but I am going to be spending some time at a friends house to get away.
     
    #1 CruelTease, May 23, 2011
    Last edited: May 23, 2011
  2. Jonger84

    Jonger84 New Member

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    I would LOVE to be tied with the girl I LOVE .. nothing to do with my age ..

    You seem to understand his desire .. but it is not yours and you would never ask for a break for such a reason .. as I understand from what you said ..

    Living together at such a situation is a bit weird to be honest .. I am not sure how it will work .. and you have to figure out what do you really want .
     
  3. CruelTease

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    I want to be with him, but I want him to work on the things that were a problem before. He has some serious growing up to do and I hope this will help. I'm not faultless of course, but I am working on the things I need to, for myself and for my family.
     
  4. Hot Wheels

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    Do you have any idea how long this "break" may last?
    I guess it all depends on how long you think it may take to resolve the issues that have contributed to this decision.
    If he's that unsure of his commitment to you, then maybe it's time you started looking at what you want for yourself and your daughter in the future....:shrug
     
  5. backcheck64

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    Yes he has some serious growing up to do. Don't you have a child with him? The problem is when you have a child, you no longer have the option of coming and going as you please. I'll never understand the "break". If you can't solve problems together, whats the likelyhood the relationship will last later on? If he's wanting to go out with other people, he doen'st think you're the right one. If I were you, I wouldn't hold my breath....I'd be looking at going on without him. I feel for you.
     
  6. Barbwire

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    The thing is, hon, you have a daughter to consider and having been raised in a house where a marriage was falling apart, I was at my happiest when my step dad and my mom were "on breaks". The stress in the house when they were together was unbearable to me.

     
  7. Alwayslearningsex

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    To echo someone's comments, you see his needs. However they conflict with yours. It\s better not to live under the same roof if you have feelings still.

    I see the possibility of him bringing friends and they do whatever guys do.
    Would he bring a woman????? Not to stir something but a honest question as to what he wants to do.

    The best advice is to heal and move forward, don't expect aything from him for the time being, don't reserve a special spot for him and live with a closed mind to the life you have. You may meet someone more mature someday, or maybe he will come around, and things will be better. Don't sit and wait for it, you set yourself up to be used and to be dependent on him if you do.
    Own your life and let time do its thing for you.
     
  8. Kwarrior88

    Kwarrior88 New Member

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    How long have you two been together?
     
  9. bigpappi

    bigpappi Member

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    Amen to that.
     
  10. nurseharley

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    you need to be focusing on yourself, really thinking about if he is worth waiting on or not, especially since you don't know how much of a break he needs or if this is really just a 'phase'. i don't think it seems fair for him to go have a good time with his buddies while you sit and wait for him to figure out what he wants to do.

    the best advice i can give you is to try and move on. maybe what yall need isnt a break as much as its a permanent split. he might go through another 'phase' (which is more like a cop out) whenever he sees it is convenient and knows you'll go along with it.

    if it was meant to work out, it'll work itself out, but personally i think if he is having these feelings then he has no business being in a relationship at all. let him go, let him do these incredibly important (sarcasm) things for a while and he'll see how incredibly dumb he was.
     
  11. CruelTease

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    Thanks for the advice everyone. I should have mentioned we are married and have a little girl.

    I just don't want to throw this away. I'm keeping busy, out of the house as much as possible, spending time with friends etc and I was even asked on a date! My first date in... agh, feels like forever. It was fun, but I have zero interest in the guy beyond friendship. I'm not interested in other people at all. I know he has slept with someone while we've been on the break.

    We have set a date where we'll sit down and talk about the it all then see where to take it from there. If we're both happier apart, then that'll be it I suppose. Of course that's now what I want but if it's for the best, then that's what we'll do.

    I am going to be getting away for a few days but over all, we're getting along fine living together, he's actually started helping around the house!
     
  12. MILF_Rider

    MILF_Rider Member

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    I'm sorry to hear that this is happenning. I can't exactly relate, ny parents have never been divorced and neither have my wife and I.

    So let me say this. Before we had children we did kind of grow apart. We had marriage counselling and there were communication issues on both of our parts, we had a choice to make whether we wanted to try to work through them and have a better relationship.

    Sounds like you're in a similar place. But different because you have a child counting on you both to be her parents.

    So we made the choice to stay together, and when we had children she says she'd never break up our marriage because she wouldn't do that to our children.

    So, this is about you and him, true enough. But that is secondary to the fact that it is about your child.

    I don't know a whole lot about you but it sounds like he's in the role of needing space so I'm just going to guess maybe your role in the relationship is kinda like mine when we had relationship trouble... Are you maybe a little clingy? That was kind of my problem.

    Im just pointing out that there's a good chance that even though he's immature, there's rarely just one person at fault... And chances are these issues may have existed before there was a kid, IMO the question needs to be is there any reason he shouldn't be part of raising your child?
     
  13. nyxx

    nyxx New Member

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    watch the movie hall pass
     
  14. Ready2Please

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    Concentrate on yourself and your daughter. :)
     
  15. nurseharley

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    he sure isnt wasting anytime. i'm sorry but, how much can he really care for you if he's willing to sleep with someone else so soon? thats bullshit to me. i'll be damned if a guy thinks he can take a break, fuck around and then come back.

    he shouldnt have taken on the responsibility of marriage if he wasnt willing to accept the commitment that comes with it.
     
  16. backcheck64

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    Right on.
     
  17. Barbwire

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    Maybe he's just trying to get back at her for her affair and contacting herpes.

    This relationship, starting at CT's very first thread here on SF has sounded like a trainwreck of epic proportions.

    Time to get out and move on.
     
  18. 33stack

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    I agree with Nurse Harley completely. I can tell by your posts that you are really into hubby and what makes him happy. I never once felt u were insincere . I do wish u well but as Nurse H. stated, you really should move on. As a guy I can tell u, when we REALLY DO want to make a realationship work and are in love , I can't imagine being with anybody else. A threesome, or something with another girl WITH YOU INVOLVED is different. Maybe being adventurous that way may add spice, but to just be with another women??? I just don't see it. You have much to offer and I'll bet there are MANY good MEN around that would love to share their life with you. Cheer up and enjoy your new life!
     
  19. 33stack

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    bingo!
     
  20. Chronichaze

    Chronichaze New Member

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    I agree with the nurse on this one. Whenever I've experienced a "break up" that means let me get some other sexual frustrations out my system, meaning screw other women or have fun with my friends without being tied down. This can lead to pushing each other further away or who knows may lead you two closer.

    Honestly do the same and you'll maybe realize that what you guys had wasn't worth it in the first place. There is always someone better out there as you usually don't realize it unless in hindsight.