Being neglected again

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by loveit247, Apr 25, 2007.

  1. loveit247

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    Well, it has started again. SO is being his old distant self. Not paying any attension to me when I am not with him and only the bare minimum when I am.

    Just feeling a little down I guess because I put so much effort into making sure he had a great birthday and he is being all cold again.

    End.
     
  2. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    Jeez, girl...and haven't you been taking care of him for the last three weeks? Seems pretty ungrateful to me.
     
  3. Nettle

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    Do you talk about this?

    Does he say why he gets cold towards you?
     
  4. SexyScorp

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    Oh sorry to hear that girl...

    Men rarely change...sorry to sound so cynical,
    but after having over 30 years of relationship
    with them, Ive never known one to.....

    ....unfortunately......:(

    Maybe you are too good for him!!
     
  5. loveit247

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    I talk about it, he shuts off completely. I am going to try one more time tonight, if that does not work then it is time for me to find someone better.

    I really, really love him but I can't carry on scurrying around for the smallest amount of recognition. I have to ask him all the time if he liked XYZ or saw this or that that I did for him. It just seems like he has no interest in me.

    I broke up with him on holiday and told him that it was over this exact same thing. He then scurried around making such and effort to win me back, when he did, poof, back to his old self.

    He says it is because I am too hectic for him. On Monday we were at his parents for dinner and he did not stop interupting me the whole damn night, I went quiet and told him why in the car and ignored him for the rest of the night. Now he is all pissed off because I stand up for myself.
     
  6. SexyScorp

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    Sometimes men arent brave enough
    to say what they are feeling..........

    Take a break from him maybe for a
    while?

    So sorry for you girl...i know how hard
    it is..

    but it is probably better to be on your
    own for a while than be in something
    that doesnt feel right and fulfill your
    needs

    Sending love and strength xxxx
     
  7. Nettle

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    It does sound like enough is enough, if you stay with him, it will chip away at your confidence.

    As SS says, maybe a break will do the trick.

    I know how you feel, we don't need constant thanks, but a little recognition would be nice.

    ((HUG))
     
  8. loveit247

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    We have done the whole "break" thing. Which he used to promptly run off a screw another woman. Came back to me and told me he realized what he was throwing away. I am just too tired to deal with him anymore. I would rather be alone.

    I love him, but really, I can't spend the rest of my life competeing with the TV!

    I am just so sad right now. I really wanted this boy to be it. He is clearly not and I don't think he wants to go back to being that sweetheart I met a year ago.
     
  9. smallpackage

    smallpackage New Member

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    You just need to leave him. I am guessing you are pretty young. Don't destroy your whole life over one piece of shit. There are a ton of men out there that would treat you like a princess!!
     
  10. loveit247

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    I am 25. I know this is never going to work. It is just so hard when you love a person.
     
  11. SexyScorp

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    It is heartwrenching girl...but you are not alone..

    if that helps.....there seems to be an upsurge of
    women who are going it alone...

    sign of the times I wouldnt doubt!!
     
  12. smallpackage

    smallpackage New Member

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    Wouldn't it be nice to have someone that is an equal partner? Wouldn't it be nice to not "have" to try so hard? I know you love him, and he may love you...but there are different level and strengths of love. He is not your true love. If he was, you wouldn't have these thoughts, feelings or doubts.

    Keep your head up girl and do what you have to do!!
     
  13. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    Not meaning any offence here Loveit :)


    but to me a relationship built on walking on eggshells is not a good relationship.

    Maybe you should break away from him ( i know you said you love him very much) but if he is hurting you greatly and not willing to open up to you , then there doesnt seem to be much left.

    Plus you need time for you, time to relax find yourself onnce more and have a lot of time to unwind and have some fun, your still very young.
    I know the old saying doesnt help much ( there are plenty more fish in the sea dah de dah dah )

    But there are guys out there that would cherish you for who you are, but that means very little unless you could love them as well :)
     
  14. loveit247

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    We sat down and had a good talk last night. We both agreed that the way it stands now it is not going to work.
    He made a few very accurate comments. He pointed out to me that he feels that if he had to take me to a function with his clients he would be petrified of me saying something shocking. I tend to speak before my brain engages. It is something that has bothered me my whole life. I really need to work on that and I will be doing so for myself more than him.

    He also said that we are very different, he said that it is hard for him because he really does love me, I know he means it because he was really badly hurt before and would not say it lightly.

    I brought up that my insecurities stem from his distance from me.
    We both agreed it was best if we break up but for some reason we couldn't do it. We just held each other all night and cried.

    We are delaying the inevitable. I am hoping that I can learn to control my mouth and redeem some respect and he is hoping that I can put aside his cheating on me and we can move forward. But we have not made any promises.

    I love this boy with all my heart and it was not always like this, they say the best things in life are worth fighting for. I will fight with all my heart.
     
  15. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    As long as he doesn not keep breaking your heart.
    If you feel changing who you are completly to make him love you more will work for you , then i truely hope it will.
    You do hear this quite often from people who cheat and cheat again..." Im sorry ill never do it again , please forgive me "
    Then the old guilt trip of turning it around to make you feel it is partly your fault that they are cheating in the first place.

    I do really hope things can work between you.
     
  16. loveit247

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    I am not changing myself to make him love me. I am changing myself because it will not work for me at all in the future. I can't go through life speaking before I think, it makes me unhappy.

    His cheating on me I truly do feel was a once off that we both knew it was coming.
     
  17. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    Sorry if i got it wrong.
    It is just that sometimes loving someone so so much, we can get blinded at times.

    good luck Loveit.
    as i said i hope it works out for the both of you.
     
  18. SexyScorp

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    I have learnt so much from this forum

    How women allow men to treat them and vice versa
    of course......

    I truly believe going back for one more try....I always
    did this and am glad i chose to do so.....

    Although I must say, of late, I feel it is far better to
    be alone and free of heartbreak than to have to change
    for anyone......

    If someone doesnt like you for who you are Loveit, that
    is their problem, not yours...

    Maybe he would be better off with a mute!!!!
     
  19. loveit247

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    That is really not the case. He says again and again that he doesn't want to change me, I have decided to change myself. I am not happy with waking up embaressed about what I said or did.
    People shy away from me because I speak to freely. My close friends and alone with my SO is fine, it is just in other company that he and I feel that I need to close up a little.

    He is not a bully, he is gentle and kind with me. He respects that I am my own person and really does not want me to change for him.

    I know looking from the outside it seems all very different, but speaking to him I know
     
  20. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    Well, it sounds to me like you're both being really mature about this. I wish you the best of luck in your journey of self-exploration. :)