[Ask a Girl] Being Aloof vs. Being Flirty

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by Evil_goodguy, Sep 5, 2010.

  1. Evil_goodguy

    Evil_goodguy New Member

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    So I was talking to a buddy of mine the other day and we were discussing how to act around girls. He is a big flirty type guy and he gets pretty many girls despite being only a mediocre looking guy and getting rejected now and then. He basically hits on every girl he sees until he gets lucky and it works. I hate doing this myself, not because I'm not confident really, but because it makes me feel like a total D-bag with the whole "Hey beautiful, what's going on?" routine. I prefer to play it cool and give out the impression that I really don't care about you one way or another (which is honestly how I feel around 85% of women I meet). Now my style sounds crappy and honestly it doesn't get me half as many girls as my friend, even though I really am a good looking guy. However there is a common belief that this is a great way to turn a girl on. Now I'd love this to work, because I really hate being all flirty but I think I need to find the perfect balance. How flirty do you need to be to show you're interested vs. how aloof can you be to come off as cool and mysterious?
     
  2. Lucky

    Lucky New Member

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    Aloof is not cool and mysterious, it's like putting a wall around yourself. Flirting is fun! Most girls I have been around like to be flirted with. It is a compliment. They don't spend hours getting all fixed up pretty to have a guy be alouf and seeming uninterested, no, they want attention. They want to know you are interested. Lie the saying goes, you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.
     
  3. Mittimer

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    Coming from a woman,
    there's a BIG difference between being mysterious and being an asshole. Putting a wall up and pretending you don't give a damn about a girl (despite what pop-culture and movies have told you) is NOT a good way to turn girls on. More often then not we auto-tune you out for acting like a jerk and uninterested.
    If you hate being flirty, then that's an issue. Body language and general flirtyness are what really get girls to like you.
    Why do you think your "mediocre" guy friend gets way more girls then you?

    So out of %85 percent of women, you really don't care one way or another about us and you show that? THAT alone will make ANY woman not want to even bat and eyelash at you. Ignoring every woman on the street or in the club but that one long legged blond hair blue eyed size 2 in the corner catches your eye, you run for it? That looks TERRIBLE to the outsiders. Makes you come off as shallow.

    Maybe being nice and respectful to the others, at least making eye contact and saying hi would be nice and yea, what your friend is doing? Greeting the girls in an innocently flirty way "Hey there beautiful" or "How's it going gorgeous" that's a non-creepy, incredibly nice compliment that can come off really well when meeting someone.

    I don't know, you really seem like you need to talk to actual girls first before you listen to tv shows and music for your girl tips.
     
  4. htoad

    htoad Active Member

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    In my experience - and folks here are free to disagree - I found when I treated women nicely, politely, and made them feel safe, that is when they wanted to be friends with me, or even started flirting with me. When I left my shyness rule me in high school, I acted aloof, and that got me no where. Instead, when I decided to be friendly, just going up to a girl/woman I did not know and just say "hi", and steer the conversation towards things they were interested in, and came across in a "safe" manner, it made a HUGE difference.

    One unique thing to consider: you never know who is watching, and your reaction in such a situation may make all of the difference in another woman noticing you and wanting to get to know you better.
     
  5. Meee

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    Wow you're so right--your style really does sound crappy. But so does the "Hey beautiful, what's going on?" routine. Ugh. Makes my skin crawl. There's just something about it that makes me want to say, "Excuse me, do I fucking know you?"

    So here it is, the first time I'm going to say it at this site, and I bet it won't be the last:

    Be yourself and take your chances. Being aloof vs being flirty vs being yourself.