Beer Trouble Shooting Guide

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Bella, Jan 17, 2007.

  1. Bella

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    SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
    FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
    ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward
    ceiling.

    SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
    FAULT: Improper bladder control.
    ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house
    training.

    SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
    FAULT: Glass empty.
    ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

    SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
    FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
    ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.

    SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
    FAULT: You have fallen forward.
    ACTION: See above.

    SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
    FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of
    face.
    ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

    SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
    FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
    ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

    SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
    FAULT: You are being carried out.
    ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

    SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
    FAULT: Bar has closed.
    ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.

    SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and
    textures.
    FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal
    limitations.
    ACTION: Cover mouth.

    SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
    FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
    ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

    SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
    FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
    ACTION: Punch him.

    SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
    FAULT: You have been in a fight.
    ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was
    them.

    SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room
    you're in.
    FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
    ACTION: See if they have free beer.

    SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
    FAULT: The beer is too weak.
    ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.

    SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
    FAULT: Beer is just right.
    ACTION: Play air guitar.

    :rofl
    ~Bella
     
  2. heelfetish

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    hahaha So true... Reminds me of my early 20's.
     
  3. Bella

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    :lol Reminds me of earlier than that!!
    I was drinking before I was legal...not to mention what else I was getting into! :brow
    ~Bella
     
  4. johnnyangel694u

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    :rofl Good one
     
  5. heelfetish

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    I started drinking at 15, then gave it up at 17, only to start again at 18. :lol
     
  6. AnonymousOne

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    God ... I love college... ;)
     
  7. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    Oh, honey - I am printing this out and posting it on the fridge!!! Thorn needs to know that someone out there "feels his pain"! :rofl
     
  8. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    I got one :)

    SYMPTOM: You stumble and fall on the floor, rolling over three times.
    FAULT: Someone announced "SHOOTERS FOR EVERYONE!!"
    ACTION: Stand up and declare: "That's my newest 'break-dance' move"! Collect a couple of 'high-5s', and announce "SHOOTERS FOR EVERYONE - ON MY TAB!"
     
  9. Thorn

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    But Rose I don't drink anymore. But than again, I don't drink any less.:eyes
     
  10. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    ...uh... yeah... more or less..... :ugh
     
  11. PitGtarMan

    PitGtarMan New Member

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    :rofl I really did laugh out loud. Bloody good stuff LOL

    Pete
     
  12. Bella

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    Thanks will! :)
    ~Bella



    Are you a glutton for punishment?
    ~Bella



    For the alcohol? :shrug
    ~Bella



    :lol
    ~Bella



    Good one Rose!!
    ~Bella



    I am laughing so hard right now!! You two are funny!! :rofl
    ~Bella



    :rofl Me Too!!
    ~Bella
     
  13. heelfetish

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    Not at all, unless, well, that kind doesn't count. :lol

    Actually, while I drank a lot in my teens, I don't drink much at all now. I'll have a beer or 2 with a good meal, usually when BBQing. I'll have a beer with some chicken wings, or if out with some friends. But I probably only go through a couple cases of beer in a year, and rarely drink anything besides beer anymore. I got tired of the bar scene once it was legal for me to be there. I've gone the odd time since, but it's disgusting how young the girls are that go. Too many stories of 17 y/o girls giving the bouncers head to be let in, there they strut their stuff with the older men looking to hook up. It just wasn't my scene.
     
  14. Bella

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    Heelfetish, I was teasing!!
    ~Bella
     
  15. heelfetish

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    Oh, OK then. :lol
     
  16. Bella

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    :)

    ~Bella