Becoming less insecure..

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Wckd_Beauty, Sep 28, 2008.

  1. Wckd_Beauty

    Wckd_Beauty New Member

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    I need to raise my confidence again to where it used to be when I wasn't worried about whether or not i'm good enough and random feelings of jealousy don't haunt my thoughts.

    I have tried everything, even asking my boyfriend for help, but he's stubborn and he knows it and the help will come and fade so i'm left on my own again.

    I'm not a jealous person and my insecurities are of me as a person, physically and mentally feeling inadequate for my boyfriend when I know he's being honest when he tells me he loves only me and that i'm gorgeous in and out.

    It's slowly going away but i really hate the fact that he doesn't believe I trust him as much as I say I do. I do trust him alot but when I get insecure about him around other girls, I start to feel jealous and it starts to eat at me.

    I want to know if there's anyone who's gotten over their insecurities and how. Tricks you tried, things you had to do or say? It's gotten better over time but I want to find ways to get rid of it completely and never have it come again.

    Thanks in advance to those who are helpful.
     
  2. FlirtyChick

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    Oh hun, I have lots of insecurities. Some I have defeated, and others not. I have dealt with jealousy in the past, both from someone else and about someone else. I will address my former jealousies here, since that seems to be your issue. Jealousy is a form of distrust, and indeed can stem from insecurities that you are not good enough, pretty enough, loved enough, etc. The bottom line is that jealousy will kill relationships. Your partner will not feel trusted, and trust is important. Listen to him when he tells you he loves you and you are beautiful inside and out. If he is going to be the kind of man who takes off with someone else, you don't need him anyway, but at least give him the benefit of the doubt that he is with your for a reason until he proves otherwise. Try to see the good in yourself intead of what is wrong, and wear confidence on your sleeve, especially when you are out with him and he is with other women. Everyone will feel your strong vibe if you do. Good Luck!!
     
  3. Wckd_Beauty

    Wckd_Beauty New Member

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    Thanks alot, that's just what I needed to hear. It's what I was thinking to do as well and having it come from someone else who deals/dealt with it makes it easier. Being told 'oh no you're so pretty you have nothing to worry about' from friends really doesn't help, so actually being given this perspective forces me to reality.

    Thanks alot!
     
  4. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    I was in a ten-year relationship with a man who constantly criticized and ridiculed me, cheated on me openly, expected me to wait on him hand and foot, and take care of all his problems and unpleasantness for him. His happiness and his unhappiness were both my responsibility. If I tried to stand up for myself in any way, he'd inundate me with verbal abuse of the worst kind until I caved in, apologized for being "selfish," and did what he pleased. Eventually it got to the point where I'd do anything to avoid any kind of confrontation with him. My entire life revolved around him and his emotions. Even so, he still seemed to enjoy abusing me and seeing me in pain.

    Naturally I had very low self-esteem before I met him, otherwise I probably wouldn't have ended up with someone like him. Needless to say that after I met him, any self-esteem I might have disappeared completely. He made me feel completely worthless and I believed I was worthless. It took ten years before I built up enough courage and self-esteem to leave him, but the damage was done. I'm with a much better man now, but I still have trouble believing that I'm worth anything. I still try to live my life through him and for him, which makes him uncomfortable. It's been three years but I'm still getting used to the idea that I matter, that my feelings, needs, wants, etc. are all as important as his.

    It takes a very long time to get over insecurities like that, but with the help of my very supportive boyfriend and friends, not to mention my therapist, I'm slowly building my self-esteem back up again.
     
    #4 Puss_in_boots, Sep 29, 2008
    Last edited: Sep 29, 2008
  5. Wckd_Beauty

    Wckd_Beauty New Member

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    Puss In Boots, I too have experience with that exact thing through my mother's relationship with her now-ex husband. I've watched it and it made me stronger for us to leave and when we did leave I had this grand backbone where nothing could break me. Then I fell in love and got broken and now im here. Annoyed because I want my backbone back and I feel alone trying to get there again because it's basically only me attempting to help myself. Friends just make it more awkward and make it seem like im only feeling this way for attention. My boyfriend tries to be supportive but he's not the most sympathetic person and i've tried a therapist but I couldn't open up to her enough to begin to get help.

    I'm trying though to build it, i'm forcing myself to believe in myself and my boyfriend again.

    I completely understand what you're going through and went through. My mother still has tendencies to do certain habits that were what she had to do back in her old marriage to keep from getting yelled at or worse. Although she's happily married now, sometimes the past is still there. It's good you have alot of support. I think that's the one thing that i need stronger to just get rid of all this insecurity that's aside from the normal bit people have.