I'm so frustrated! My husband is a great husband in all ways but one. In the bedroom. He was a late bloomer and didn't lose his virginity until age 24 or so. He's now 40 and we have been together 11 years. At first, our sex life was great. I was very very attracted to him and always started sex with a high level of anticipation and arousal. It didn't matter how long it lasted, I always came when he did b/c it would "set me off". I think it would still be like that, but he has been to Iraq twice and this has caused significant damage to the intimate relationship. I already had abandonment issues that are related to family, and I think that is a big part of it. I still want sex, but it takes me a lot longer to get through feelings that come up when I "go there". The problem? He has NO control at all. It didn't help, I think, that he never had to develop any over the years, especially when I was so easily orgasmic. Second, he has always had a problem with porn. No, I don't care if he watches (I do, too). I DO have a problem when he watches porn/masturbates IN PLACE OF having sex with me. Once, he got home from work and I was already hot and bothered. I was waiting for him to come out of the bathroom after returning home so I could rape him. He was taking forever in there. Yes, he was masturbating!! He never even said he was horny, just came home and wacked off while I was left high and dry! We are able to talk about this, and he says that sex for him can be very anxiety producing (he is shy and has a problem approaching women, hence the late de-virginization), so he will just masturbate instead of approaching me. This also translates into him almost never initiating sex. He seems more than happy if I initiate and never turns me down. Problem is I'm sick of it! I want to feel wanted and I'm getting a complex. Yesterday we had a replay of the hide in the bathroom thing.We have not had sex now in three weeks. He works nights and after he got home, I wandered into the room where he was. Yep! More porn. . I was so disappointed. (BTW he doesn't have a porn addiction or anything, he just uses it to masturbate off and on). Anyway, we sat and had a long talk. I told him (again) that I need him to initiate, I am sick of doing it all the time. Also, he rarely, if ever, goes about making me feel good to "get me in the mood". My ex-husband would give me backrubs, for instance, and...you know. Current husband MIGHT tickle or smack my butt, but I've told him although it's cute, it does NOTHING to get me in the mood. How about some kissing, neck biting SOMETHING??? Also, he comes wayyy too fast, and there is no warning. He has been trying to hold back, but he does that by coming to nearly a grinding halt (pun intended). Since I'm not getting any stim after that, my arousal level plummets. He ends up coming anyway, as soon as he starts moving again, and I'm high and dry...again. I usually just masturbate myself to climax while he holds me, but I've even stopped that recently. It takes too long, and the stimulation is different (clitoral vs. vaginal), so it is like starting from square one. I don't want to just always play with myself to come! Even if I get excited initially that way, when he enters me it feels different and I have to start all over again. He comes too fast, etc. I would use toys (I did while he was gone), but before we ever came to this impasse, he made fun of them, so now I'm too embarrassed to try with him. I just want some normal fucking! I don't think two or three minutes (if I'm lucky) of PVI is enough. We still haven't had sex, and I can almost guarantee that due to the discussion we had, he will feel even more pressured and come even quicker. I'm almost at the point where we just agree to take care of our needs separately so I don't have to worry about him and feel bad all the time. Like now, I'm so irritated at him for watching the porn yesterday instead of maybe doing the "work" of waking me up by kissing, massaging, etc. I am really starting to SERIOUSLY resent his selfishness, although I try not to let on too much. Too bad if you are somewhat anxious! I say either work through it, we are married and sneaking around to jack off is ridiculous. That's something else...I pointed out to him yesterday that I've never evn seen him touch his own dick. I masturbate in front of him all the time, what's the big deal? HELP! If I wasn't stuck here (long story), I'd be tempted to leave and just turn him into a friend (we get along well otherwise). I HATE this. Sorry this is so long.