Bad Aspects of Male Solo Masturbation in Marriage?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Logger, Apr 20, 2005.

  1. Logger

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2003
    Messages:
    1,214
    Likes Received:
    45
    Gender:
    Male
    So what are the disadvanges?

    Sometimes my wife and I are in the middle of disagreements that last a week or two.

    I need to be productive to keep my side of the household responsibilities going. I need a clear mind.

    I do feel guilty about laying out the baby oil and porn, and whacking off alone. Intellectually, I know I need to take care of myself, when things are on the Fritz with the wife. Still I have this lingering guilt.

    I wrote a thread starter earlier today, but it seems to have gotten lost somehow. I must have pushed the wrong button somehow. After this long?

    Ideas?
     
  2. bigdave

    bigdave New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2005
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    I think that masturbation within a relationship along with porn is something that is fine as long as there is communication and understanding about it among you both. My wife and I have been happily married for 6 years, I'll use our relationship as an example but obviously keep in mind that only you and your wife will know what is right for you. My wife is aware that my appetite for sex is much stronger than hers. When she is horny, we have no trouble fully enjoying sex, however I have the urge to be sexually satisfied much more frequently than she does. It took a while for us to both realize this and learn how to handle it. My wife and I were open with each other from the beginning about us both masturbating and that carried over into our marriage. We openly discussed my desire to masturbate and she has been very accepting of it. She is equally accepting of my desire to utilize pronography. It didn't happen over night, but she saw that my viewing porn was a means by which to maintain my sexual arrousal while I masturbated. It didn't make me think less of women and it didn't negatively effect my desire to be with her. She became comfortable with me occasionally buying pornographic movies and watching them both while she was away and while she was home. I finally asked her if she had a problem with me looking at porn on the internet. She again accepted although she has frequently asked about what sort of porn I look at. I've always been open and honest with her. Her primary concern was over internet security and viruses on the computer. So I have set up an old computer for as mine for the purpose of looking at porn while I masterbate.
    Our situation is one where we are both satisfied. I have the freedom to masturbate whenever I want, if she is at home and buys doing something else I may come back to the computer and masturbate while she is home. I leave the door open and she is well aware of what I'm doing. It works for us.
    I would feel guilty if I felt like I was hiding something, but she is fully aware. I can put KY jelly on the grocery list without so much as a chuckle from her any more and she knows that if she gets out of the shower and I'm down the hall that I'm likely masturbating and will be to bed shortly. For us masturbation and porn is a part of our relationship, as such it doesn't cause problems. I could see how it could cause major problems if she wasn't comfortable with me doing it or with the porn. I would reccomend you wait for the appropriate time and have an open candid conversation with her about it. She may be more understanding that you expect.
     
  3. Logger

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2003
    Messages:
    1,214
    Likes Received:
    45
    Gender:
    Male
    Dear Big Dave,

    Thanks for the reply and the ideas.

    You are correct in your idea that my wife is not fuly on board with my solo masturbation. I should probably conceptualize some phrase to begin, discuss and end a disucssion of my masturbating myself.

    In my lost post, I mentioned Murpy's Law. Yesterday, I called my wife at the time she gets off work, but I missed her. I waited a half hour for her to get home, then decided to enjoy myself. So soon after I finished, W came home, and she was receptive to cuddling. So I had just ejaculated, after waiting for her to be in the mood for about a week. When W was finally receptive, I could not get it up.

    So after we cuddled for a while, W wanted to argue some more. I had not hidden the fact that I had the bedroom door locked, baby oil out and porn on the DVD, so she could know, although she did not ask or mention it. So I don't really know if W was upset that I had not waited for her to get in the mood, or if W was still in a mood for arguing, and I was wise to get off when I could.

    W has been getting upset with me lately that I don't do as much for her honey do list as she would like. However, W does not add up the things that have to be done to keep the household running. So I mentioned a few tasks that she could help with shopping and comparing options, for higher end purchases like repair the laptop computer, car needs a transmission, W wants some new furniture, but W likes to buy on impulse. W want things to fit in the family budget, but seldom does much of the research to get the best value. So I am making a list of currently needed research, and reminding W in an easy manner, at a quiet time, of what research she could help with.

    Some phrases for discussing porn with W could be, "It does not seem that you are in the mood at this time, or that time. Did you have some ideas of how we can handle my drive that sometimes clouds my mind? Any ideas how I can feel safe and excited? Maybe you could give my clearer mind some more thought, and we can discuss this again at some other time?"

    Blessings