Backing out of D/s

Discussion in 'Sexual Fetishes and Fantasies' started by Kanto, Aug 18, 2007.

  1. Kanto

    Kanto Member

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    I feel that I'm in a bit of a situation right now. The gal I'm in a relationship with is very strongly interested in submission, and with me in the dominant role. I'm quite fine with that, and even enjoy the notion. However, when it actually comes to practicing such activities, she's very reluctant and resistant.

    The thought of being submissive is very arousing to her, but she doesn't really seem to want to experiment. As such, our physical relationship is rather vanilla.

    Anyone experienced similar?
     
  2. Bluesy

    Gold Member

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    There are a lot of things that appeal to people in fantasy that just don't fly in reality. In our dreams, we're completely unfettered by morals, consequences, etc., but in real life we have psychic obstacles that prevent us from engaging in the same activities--this is not a bad thing. Inhibitions exist to preserve physical and psychological safety, but sometimes people are overly inhibited for irrational reasons. Doesn't really matter, though, because if a person can't bring themselves to participate in something, they just can't. It's important to respect that. Maybe someday she'll feel comfortable enough with the concept to try it out, and maybe she'll love it. There are varying degrees of D/S-type role play, and all sorts of activities to go with them. Would she feel comfortable being restrained while you perform oral sex on her? Or does she not want to go there at all? Would she feel comfortable being the dominant one?

    Hot sex is first and foremost about the connection between two people. Women tend to loosen up in the bedroom when they feel loved, cherished, sexy... If I were you, I would spend some time thinking up new ways to show her how much she means to you, and new ways of letting her know how beautiful she is to you. You have to excite her heart and mind in order to stimulate her excitement in the bedroom.
     
  3. bob183

    bob183 New Member

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    Just work your way up to it slowly... if she's that interested in it the excitement should keep her from stopping you. As long as you don't try anything to extreme right away she has no reason to be scared.
     
  4. vampire raver

    vampire raver New Member

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    Yeah I think slow and steady is key in your situation, and of course safety with all BDSM play is key.
     
  5. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    Try some 'light' approaches first, like holding her hands over her head, and then (with a smile :) ) tell her what you are going to do to her - - then do it, while still holding her hands.

    Since she's somewhat reluctant to go full-blown right away, you probably need to arouse that part of her sensuality. Let her feel the escitement build slowly. this could take several sessions, gradually moving forward, as she becomes more comfortable and stimulated by your actions.