Attracting females - what am i doing wrong??

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Mestizomad, Feb 28, 2016.

  1. Mestizomad

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    Hey,

    I have some dating / relationship questions regarding guys getting a with gals.

    Without try to sound big headed (because I'm really not at all), I'm 27, I'm a fairly good looking guy who has been told by 5 different woman that I look like Johnny Depp. I'm also tall, tattooed and dark (Hispanic) and I've been going to the gym for many years and so I have a good way above average muscular physique.

    I'm intelligent, very adventurous, I love my extreme / adrenaline sports and I would say that I have an above average interesting and varied life. I'm also fairly rugged, traditionally manly, a strong and silent type of guy.

    I do currently have GF but generally in life I've never had that much success with the ladies.

    I currently know several Hot females who are dating guys that are less attractive than them and are not even interesting guys. All of these girls could do better and again without trying to sound big headed, I think I'm better looking and more interesting than most of their boyfriends.

    I just don't get how a guy who's quite bland in personality, only very average looking and has no other major wow factors can end up getting with a girl who is way way hotter than him. But this just seems to happen time and time again.

    The one major area that I admit that I fall down on is that I'm not that confident around woman and I'm not the most talkative person. I'm also not big headed and am quit humble and down to earth. And I know some girls just like guys who are very cocky and overconfident.

    But what else could it be????

    Thanks
     
  2. MariaMaria

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    Well, thing is, we all have different opinions of what an interesting or attractive person is :) Also, when it comes to attraction, I think there's something much deeper and primal about who we consider a desirable partner. I'm speaking of psychological needs, but I know there is a strong biological component to this too. So, yeah, there's more to it than just fitting into what society says is attractive/normal/desirable.
     
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  3. DayPlay3

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    If I might offer a bit of wisdom.

    Don't waste mental energy of those that aren't interested in you. Focus on the people that like you for you.
     
  4. Barent

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    It's a numbers game, the more women you ask to go out with you, the more chance you'll have of success. It can get expensive but that's the way it's always been, unless you're born with some kind of irresistible charm and/or looks, which a lot of women go for, but that's not very common.
     
    #4 Barent, Feb 28, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2016
  5. sandwich

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    I can't tell from what you have written if you are doing anything 'wrong', and I think the three posts above are very good. The only thing I can think to add is that while men tend to fall in love with their eyes, women tend to fall in love with their ears. There are exceptions, of course.

    What I am getting at is what you say to a woman can make or break a relationship. Maybe other women on the forum can add to this (or disagree)....what you say and how you treat a woman generally outweigh any kind of looks, build, athleticism, etc.
     
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  6. HalfNaked

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    You answered your own question with your last paragraph. Being cocky and even arrogant will help you attract women. Being humble and quiet will repel them. When in doubt, be bold and cocky. Women do not like "nice guys" and are not attracted to them. It sounds like you've got everything else sorted out though in terms of physical appearance and hobbies etc. Try being a selfish, arrogant asshole for a week and watch your success rate with women skyrocket.
     
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  7. lbushwalker

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    Yep, HalfN has got that right!
    Like you @Mestizomad I spent most of my life being s "good" dude then decided to change and be a bit on the edge and guess what?
    I was fighting them off but now sadly age has tarnished that image so I need to get back to being a "good" dude just to keep some :(
     
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  8. DayPlay3

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    While I tend to agree to a point with Halfnaked and Ibushwalker . There's difference between Bad-Boy image and Bad-Boy reality.

    I'm the guy men look art and think, "I don't need to be Fucking with that guy." Woman tend to think I'm Mr. Tear my dress off man.

    Must be my brutish-thug like, good looks??? :rolleyes:

    When I was young it bothered me a bit. Now, I just have fun with it. Truth is, I'm a lovable silly teddy bear. ;)

    Real Bad-Boys are usually vey lonely sad people.


    Unknown.jpeg
     
    #8 DayPlay3, Feb 29, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 29, 2016
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  9. lbushwalker

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    Ain't the looks at all but the attitude!
     
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  10. MariaMaria

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    I'm gonna have to respectfully disagree with @HalfNaked and @Ibushwalker.
    Arrogance and selfishness are not attractive in the least. To me, they scream "hurt little boy". I must admit that sometimes I feel compassion for them, and even a bit of a need to rescue them somehow, but yeah, it certainly doesn't make guys like that attractive in my eyes.
     
  11. 10_3XL

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    You definitely need to practice negging and being forcefully assertive. Slip her a few drinks and if she still denies you, she was obviously a stupid cunt. Go for a good little slut that will open her legs for a Real Man (as you obviously are). Don't go in for the Nice Guy bullshit that all these idiots are telling you to do. Get up in her space, tell her directly what you expect from her, be the Alpha Male....
    ...
    ...
    ...
    ...
    Is what I'd tell you if I was suffering massive brain trauma/a full frontal lobotomy. That shit has never worked for me or any guy I've known -- all this Pick Up Artist nonsense. Sorry, @HalfNaked and @lbushwalker - your testimonies do not stand up to the reality I have lived and witnessed - young though I may be.

    Fun Fact: There's few things women (people, actually, now that I think of it) hate more than being treated like an object to be obtained.

    The nice and good guys can win, but usually self-proclaimed Nice Guys are not Nice or Good. Women with a bit of experience know that, so they're gonna be kind of cautious with the approach. You see, those guys (the self-proclaimers) are generally bitter and have been spurned because they expect rewards (in the form of women/sex) by pure merit of being a Nice Guy - nothing else or more. The so-called Alpha Males? They burn out fast and fade away with equal rapidity - it's not sustainable, practical, or a good way to approach women... or life... unless you are playing !SPORTS!

    Be a decent, respectful, and interesting human-being with something to offer that the majority of others can't/won't. I can guarantee that looks are not top priority even for The Hot/Sexy Chick, because I'm practically your antithesis in the looks department (a tall fat nerd-boy Jew with glasses) and I've always been quite competent with women.
     
  12. Mestizomad

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    Hi everyone,

    Thanks for all of tour great replies. That was way more than I expected and there is some really good information there.

    I agree that some girls do like it when a guy is really overconfident and cocky, however I do also know girls (like my GF) who really Hate that in guys.

    I have always tried to be a little edgy or misterious or not a typical 'nice' guy. I can be quite grumpy lol, I'm also very alternative, heavily tattooed and I'm very free thinking and none conformist.

    I'm actually very balsy and confident in a lot of areas, Except women!

    Three or four of my GFs female friends have fancied me and have heavily flirted with me or even full on come onto me over the years, but they've always gone off me once they realise how quiet I am. Me and my GF even make jokes about it, as she knows I'm good looking, with awful social skills lol.

    Although I don't think you should lie or act like too much of a prick, I think that being a Bit of a bad boy can help.

    A personality that I think genuinly matches me closely is Ryan Gosling from the film Drive, he is handsome, but VERY quiet and mysterious.
     
  13. lbushwalker

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    @10_3XL Quote; "your testimonies do not stand up to the reality I have lived and witnessed - young though I may be."

    Correction, it has not worked for you probably because despite your acting abilities you are/were not convincing enough.
    You got to believe in yourself first before anyone else will.
    In my case the first thing that changed was my confidence in myself and then armed with that I can take on pretty much any situation and "know" that if I really want I can do whatever it is that is required.
    Sometimes I wish I was a little less game because it often leads me to problems, complications and yeah, real trouble :D
     
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  14. DayPlay3

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    Yes, my friend, yes it can.
    :cool:
     
  15. 10_3XL

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    Here's the thing -- the second I witness a guy (or I, myself) being a cocky jerk and not get shot down hard by a woman then I'll start to believe in your "game."

    And there's a huge thick red line between "Asshole/Jerk/Cocky/Whatever" and "Confident." You can be sure of yourself, be able to speak to your own advantage and highlight your own positive traits, and portray yourself in the best light possible without ever getting near the realms of "Jerk" or "Asshole" or "Bad Boy" or "Cocky" or whatever other term you decide to use.

    Advocating this "Be an asshole" approach is distasteful (at best). It promotes mistreating other people, dehumanizing the opposite sex, and damages the social skills of both men and women by creating unfair perceptions of what is acceptable and How You Interact With Men/Women. You know the types of guys I've met who harp on the "benefits" of being an asshole to women? Misogynists, sex offenders, and testosterone-fueled meatheads that are still living in their middle school football "glory" days. They've all been repeatedly denied by the women they are trying to get with (sexually - only ever sexually, because they view women to be objects/trophies to conquer and possess), and so they lash out in various forms. The most common being the rapid, violent, and sometimes frightening switch from "Hey, babe, what's your number?" to "You fucking cunt whore! I'd rape you if you weren't so fucking ugly and stank." Is that the kind of company you want to be associated with, because I damn well guarantee you that I'm not the only person who perceives "assholes" to be of this character.

    Also, this notion that "Girls wanna fuck the Bad Boy, but come home to the Good Boy" -- that's antiquated, wrong and wrong and wrong and damaging and wrong. It gives guys a pass to fuck around and be terrible people (not just to women, but on a basic human level) and it sets a false "reality" for both Men and Women. It's basically advocating disrespect, dishonesty, and disloyalty. Is that the kind of Men we want in our society? And what about all those Good Boys waiting for "their" woman to get home from fucking around with a Bad Boy? That shit feeds into what I mentioned above - of the "Good/Nice" Guys who perpetuate misogynistic and unhealthy mindsets by expecting rewards (in this case sex) by pure virtue of the fact that they are not Bad Boys. They sit around wondering why women won't realize that they're the answer, that they are the right choice, that they deserve women - because "I'm a Nice Guy."

    Women, men, trans, whatever -- people are human beings. They're not objects. They're not rewards. They're not trophies. You don't earn them. You don't conquer them. As innocuous as the statement, "Be a jerk; get women" may seem it's not once you dismantle it and look at all of its parts. Anyone who tells you otherwise is selling you something - probably a Pick-Up Artists' Guidebook or "Male Enhancement" products.

    @lbushwalker - I'm surprised a man of your worldly experience and years on this planet doesn't seem to have realized this by now. :confused:
     
  16. lbushwalker

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    I think that we are talking cross purposes with different meaning for the same words. I will never be or act like an arsehole (real English spelling BTW) nor act bravado that I cannot justify and will never demean anyone let alone a woman but yeah I will be a bit of a tear away or let the other party know that I am somewhat dangerous so mess at your own risk because I won't be hesitating later.
    I hope that clears it up for you some junior ;)

    Addendum: all round good boys probably make very good but batshit boring husbands!
     
    #16 lbushwalker, Mar 1, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 1, 2016
  17. 10_3XL

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    Hmmm, yes, I suppose it does clear things up for me to some extent, but you should more carefully screen whose statements you endorse... I'd invite you to re-read what was said by Half and really appraise it. Does it strike you as the sort of mentality you want people associating you with?
     
  18. MariaMaria

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    @10_3XL Uhm, excuse me, Sir...would you happen to be available for marriage any time soon?! :)
     
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  19. 10_3XL

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    Actually, yes. You have good timing - my entire Rest of Forever just freed up. :cool:
     
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  20. Bjcountry_girl00

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    i have to say that your take is absolutely correct for my female point of view. Confidence is completely different than being an asshole. Hell if a guy is acting like an asshole I'll walk away and most defiantly you'll hear him say you're a stuck up bitch when honestly all you have is more respect for yourself than to get with a man that will go from complimenting you to indulging you in 2.5 seconds.

    Id rather be with a guy that is confident and treats me as an equal than a guy that is a asshole and treats me like I'm a possession.
     
    #20 Bjcountry_girl00, Mar 1, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 1, 2016