Attitude about sex while your parents are alive vs dead

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by privatepartner, Nov 9, 2017.

  1. privatepartner

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    I was responding to another thread and thought this was something I wanted to ask people. @sensless mentioned that she thinks people in the U.S. have issues regarding sex versus other countries it being more taboo here. Just to make one thing clear this was the reason for this post not calling out @sensless so please don't go there.

    Do you think your sexlife changed after your parents passed away?
    I have always been pretty free about sex and I even remember my Mom asking me as I walked past an open door in my underwear "Doesn't it bother you the neighbor woman might see you?"
    I told her hell know she can look if she wants to. Funny part is what that same neighbor woman said to me during the dollar dance at my wedding but that's another story.

    My wife is really caught up with her upbringing about sex.
     
  2. CLE32793

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    Mine are still alive and I've had a few issues due to my up bringing but I have a very patient husband and we worked through it and at 45 I'm pretty much a nymphomaniac.
     
  3. privatepartner

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    Lucky husband is all I can say
     
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  4. CLE32793

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    Lucky both of us. We are about to buy a machine to help....keep me satisfied. ;)
     
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  5. Guss204

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    So I'm unclear of what a nymphomaniac is;) would like to get that drink and discuss it:D
     
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  6. CLE32793

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    Lmao
     
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  7. Nebulosity8669

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    If your electric bill gets too high, just give me a call, 1-800-lick-you-silly!
     
  8. Mittimer

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    Both of mine are alive, as are my husband's. When we were dating one of the first things his mom said to me when I visited was "if you need condoms just let me know". She and I have a very open relationship and can talk about things of sexual nature.

    My mom wanted me to be a prude really but I turned out to be a kinky freak. She's seen toys, rope, cages etc in our room when visiting and has seen markings on me. I'm open with her about all of it if for nothing more than it makes her blush.
     
  9. privatepartner

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    That's awesome!
     
  10. Mywife4u

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    My parents both died before I was out of high school. But them alive or passed really never changed anything for myself. I always enjoyed being naked and loved sex. The only thing that has changed is my age.
    My wife is about the same as me but she hit the ground running sexually at a certain age.
    Most Americans in general seem to have a uncomfortable modesty when it comes to sex and nudity.
     
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  11. BananaBill

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    Both of mine are alive and it really has no bearing on my sex life. I'm an open book when it comes to sex...I'm not shy in the least. I'll talk sex face to face.

    Sex shouldn't be taboo. If you choose to keep details of your own sex life private, that's fine. The only thing that everyone is entitled to is their opinion. To each their own. It's not my place to tell someone how to live their life. But in my personal opinion...sex is just another part of life and can be fun or informative to talk about.
     
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  12. afunk13

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    My parents have nothing to do with how my sex life is.
     
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  13. privatepartner

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    I guess this all comes down to were you the I listen and obey everything my parents told me person or were you rebellious?
    Is that possibly the difference?
     
  14. daletom

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    That's an interesting question! I'll have to put some thought into it before I answer. I was perceived as the one who "listens and obeys everything your parents say"; it wasn't really true, but I certainly wasn't rebellious for the sake of rebellion.

    I grew up in a conservative and traditional family where sex was a rather private and personal matter. My parents married just 2 - 3 months after my Dad returned from Europe at the end of WWII, and stayed married until he died in 1991. I was 40. My mother is still alive at 95.

    I never had really meaningful talks with my parents about sex. I think they believed sex should be reserved for the person you intend to be your life partner. At least, that was MY belief and I probably picked it up from them. My wife and I were wedding-night virgins at age 23. I can't say that was a goal for me; while I wasn't opposed to the idea, I doubted whether it was practical or even achievable. On the other hand, my parents could be tolerant of others - including their own kids - who held less restrictive standards of sexual exclusivity.

    I am quiet, shy, and quite introverted, and I know it bothered my parents that I wasn't dating or interacting with girls in High School or college. I did have a serious girlfriend the last few months of High School and the summer after. My Dad advised me to be careful and not get her pregnant. Actually, he was very respectful, sensitive, and understanding in the matter but he got the point across to me.

    I didn't have another girlfriend (or even dates!) until I met my (now) wife the summer after college. Due to circumstances, we did the majority of our dating as houseguests of each other's families. An incident from the first weekend my wife stayed with my family may be interesting, though more than 40 years later I still haven't completely figured it out.

    It was about 6 weeks after my wife and I had met, and started dating. I had stayed with her family a couple of times, and she had met my parents and joined my family for a meal, but this was the first time she stayed overnight with us. My wife and I arrived separately but about the same time - I, from my grad school; and my wife from her family's home, both a couple hundred miles away. There was pleasant small talk and a review of our plans for the weekend. (I think a friend of mine was getting married that weekend.)

    After a while, my mother pulled me aside to the other end of the house. She started to recite an inventory of the beds in the house - my younger brother was in the bedroom we had shared since High School, the guest room had a broken twin bed with a pull-out trundle, there was a double bed in my sister's room, the sleep sofa in the family room . . . . Well, I had lived in that house the previous summer, just a couple months ago, and I knew what beds were there! Then I realized that my mother wasn't concerned about the beds per se, but she wanted to know if my girlfriend and I expected to sleep together! She was too nervous and embarrassed to come out and ask that question.

    Well, somewhat embarrassed myself, I simply said that I'd sleep in my old room, and my girlfriend could choose between the guest room or my sister's room (sis was away that weekend). It surprised me that my mother would even suggest such a thing. I knew it went somewhat against her personal standards, but she was willing to accommodate her 22-year old, oldest son, if that was his preference.
     
  15. Sagittarius84

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    Lol by way of actual lessons handed down verbally, not too much influence from my parents. I was primarily raised by my maternal grandmother(stil alive) whom I'm guessing in penance for her scandalous past(1st pregnancy@ 15) put forth a front of sexual conservatism..mind you she kept a few fuckbuddies over the yrs, which in the absence of a full time father figure, provided an excellent template for the type of men NOT to be. But meanwhile she'd preach to me abstinence before marriage, and every racist and homophobic inference or accusatation you could imagine coming out of a black grandmother's mouth. Being as I was with her from about 6-17, one would think my outlook on sex would be horribly skewed but in reality she was just a firewall in my efforts to gain sexual experience and knowledge. I attribute that to two things:
    1. A statutory experience with a babysitter very early on(8) piqued an interest in sex with girls my grandmother couldn't overcome. I may have had my own self worth baggage she was glad to add to, but I knew she was just a hater of any girl I found attractive early on.

    2. Between the ages of 10-16, I came to understand about my parents, in no particular order; my dad was a bit of a philanderer(a understatement), so much so that I have two 1/2 sisters with the same mother he was married to, and I am a middle child. Which is ok because my mother came out to me as a lesbian both in person and via the fact I stumbled across her personal stash of porn filed with nothing but large breasted women(though I think she still struggles with bisexuality), which coincides with why I always remember growing up visiting her she lived with female roommates...in the same room..lol

    I've let my parent's lives be the lesson I take forward, and in raising my own kids now I can pass on that openness and not be the firewall that held me up for so long.
     
  16. lbushwalker

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    @Sagittarius84, I find almost every one of your posts to be intellectual discourses with psychoanalitcal overtones some which awe me in depth of perception.
     
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  17. Kurio

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    It’s not something I’ve given much thought to before.

    My parents were both quite puritanical about sex when I was growing up. They were uncomfortable with me seeing anything that they didn’t agree with and they were quite strict about it. If we were watching tv for example and there was an even vaguely romantic scene they would change the channel. I suppose in some ways their example influenced me and to some extent probably still does. I find communicating about sex quite challenging and I didn’t explore anything really at all until I was into my 20’s. My sex life has been dormant for a long time (presumed gone forever) so I suppose that the repressed way of thinking really influenced me. Im sure that comes as a shock to anyone who has read any of my other posts.

    Having said that all that I have a brother who is the complete opposite (fun, happy, sociable, likeable). We both grew up in the same environment and he came out totally different so I’m not sure how much of an influence it is.

    I have one parent deceased so in that sense I can’t judge how my attitude might differ but I doubt the change would be notable. I think ultimately I was born the way I am. Funnily enough being a repressed antisocial misfit who barely functions in the world doesn't equate to having much of a sex life. That is something I am entirely responsible for but knowing that doesn’t change it. I had my chances and now they are gone. Sometimes I think I repress things so much that maybe it’s just all locked up inside me and maybe one day something will change but as I get older I believe that less and less with every passing second.
     
  18. USNCVN72

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    Both if my parents were gone before I was 30. I don't think there is any difference between now and the that can at all be related to them. It's not like that is something that is brought up or thought about when anything sexual is happening.