ask a horny guy at work anything...

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by d0tmatr1x, Apr 30, 2007.

  1. d0tmatr1x

    d0tmatr1x New Member

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    as the title states, you can ask me anything and everything and I MUST give an honest answer. who would like to be first?
     
  2. equinox

    equinox New Member

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    Uh... For whom do you work? :lol
     
  3. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    What's the average airspeed velocity of a laden swallow?
     
  4. Pride

    Pride New Member

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    11 meters per second, or 24 miles an hour


    hmm.....Google :p
     
  5. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    Bridgekeeper: Hee hee heh. Stop. What... is your name?
    King Arthur: It is 'Arthur', King of the Britons.
    Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest?
    King Arthur: To seek the Holy Grail.
    Bridgekeeper: What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
    King Arthur: What do you mean? An African or European swallow?
    Bridgekeeper: Huh? I... I don't know that.
    [he is thrown over]
    Bridgekeeper: Auuuuuuuugh.
    Sir Bedevere: How do know so much about swallows?
    King Arthur: Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know.
     
  6. heelfetish

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    How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
     
  7. Aubrey1972

    Aubrey1972 New Member

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    Ah Pus that is one of my all time favorite movies! "Run away, Run away"!!!! LMAO!!
     
  8. heelfetish

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    Probably the most quoted movie of all time!

    Sir Lancelot: We were in the nick of time. You were in great peril.
    Sir Galahad: I don't think I was.
    Sir Lancelot: Yes, you were. You were in terrible peril.
    Sir Galahad: Look, let me go back in there and face the peril.
    Sir Lancelot: No, it's too perilous.
    Sir Galahad: Look, it's my duty as a knight to sample as much peril as I can.
    Sir Lancelot: No, we've got to find the Holy Grail. Come on.
    Sir Galahad: Oh, let me have just a little bit of peril?
    Sir Lancelot: No. It's unhealthy.
    Sir Galahad: I bet you're gay.
    Sir Lancelot: Am not.

    :rofl

    The Dead Collector: Bring out yer dead.
    [a man puts a body on the cart]
    Large Man with Dead Body: Here's one.
    The Dead Collector: That'll be ninepence.
    The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not dead.
    The Dead Collector: What?
    Large Man with Dead Body: Nothing. There's your ninepence.
    The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not dead.
    The Dead Collector: 'Ere, he says he's not dead.
    Large Man with Dead Body: Yes he is.
    The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not.
    The Dead Collector: He isn't.
    Large Man with Dead Body: Well, he will be soon, he's very ill.
    The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm getting better.
    Large Man with Dead Body: No you're not, you'll be stone dead in a moment.
    The Dead Collector: Well, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations.
    The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I don't want to go on the cart.
    Large Man with Dead Body: Oh, don't be such a baby.
    The Dead Collector: I can't take him.
    The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I feel fine.
    Large Man with Dead Body: Oh, do me a favor.
    The Dead Collector: I can't.
    Large Man with Dead Body: Well, can you hang around for a couple of minutes? He won't be long.
    The Dead Collector: I promised I'd be at the Robinsons'. They've lost nine today.
    Large Man with Dead Body: Well, when's your next round?
    The Dead Collector: Thursday.
    The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I think I'll go for a walk.
    Large Man with Dead Body: You're not fooling anyone, you know. Isn't there anything you could do?
    The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I feel happy. I feel happy.
    [the Dead Collector glances up and down the street furtively, then silences the Body with his a whack of his club]
    Large Man with Dead Body: Ah, thank you very much.
    The Dead Collector: Not at all. See you on Thursday.
    Large Man with Dead Body: Right.

    :rofl

    French Soldier: You don't frighten us, English pig dogs. Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called "Arthur King," you and all your silly English K-nig-hts.
     
  9. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    Don't forget this part: The Holy Hand Grenade

    King Arthur: How does it… um… how does it work?
    Sir Lancelot: I know not, my liege.
    King Arthur: Consult the Book of Armaments.
    Brother Maynard: Armaments, chapter two, verses nine through twenty-one.
    Cleric: [reading] And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, “O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.” And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and large chu…
    Brother Maynard: Skip a bit, Brother…
    Cleric: And the Lord spake, saying, “First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.
    Brother Maynard: Amen.
    All: Amen.
    King Arthur: Right. One… two… five.
    Galahad: Three, sir.
    King Arthur: Three.

    :rofl :lol :rofl :lol
     
  10. heelfetish

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    bwahahahaha!
     
  11. Ryan

    Ryan Gold Member

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    Would your work fire you if they found out you view adult sites form their network? :(
     
  12. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    Or are they doing the same thing to :p


    You two know all that off by heart by the ways ? ( king auther and lancealot ( seems like an apt name for a knight who likes to lance the females a lot .)
     
  13. Barbwire

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    [​IMG]

    Is it time for the oral sex, yet?
     
  14. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    well i do have a long tongue but not that long :p.....ohhh you were meaning that for the thread maker my bad.......runs off to find a female to pleasure ...... :p
     
  15. d0tmatr1x

    d0tmatr1x New Member

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    a fortune 500 corporate tax/accouting/audit firm.


    wood chuck could woodchuck if a chuck woodchuck a could wood much how?


    Probably, but they wouldn't check so i'm okay :)

    it is always time for the oral sex.
     
  16. equinox

    equinox New Member

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    Reminds me of this:

    <Ben174> : If they only realized 90% of the overtime they pay me is only cause i like staying here playing with Kazaa when the bandwidth picks up after hours.
    <ChrisLMB> : If any of my employees did that they'd be fired instantly.
    <Ben174> : Where u work?
    <ChrisLMB> : I'm the CTO at LowerMyBills.com
    *** Ben174 (BenWright@TeraPro33-41.LowerMyBills.com) Quit (Leaving)

    http://bash.org/?258908
     
  17. duhast

    duhast New Member

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    Back in the '80's a friend had a band, and at the end of the week I would go to his studio and the band would practice, then we'd drink some beer, have a smoke, and watch Holy Grail. We could recite huge portions of dialogue, but the funniest thing was that after seeing this film HUNDREDS of times over many years, it finally dawned on me one day what a k-nig-it actually was.....

    I felt so stupid....
     
  18. heelfetish

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    :rofl thanks for admitting that. :)
     
  19. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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  20. Ryan

    Ryan Gold Member

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    Please keep the thread on topic, this is not in the chit chat form.