[Ask a Girl] Arousal

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by pbs, Jul 20, 2013.

  1. pbs

    pbs
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    I need some opinions from the ladies on the forum.

    Early in our lives, my wife used to give me great BJs, huge orgasms, and plenty of them, but didn't really enjoy sex very much for herself. As time has passed, and I've been able to overcome enough of her inhibitions to give her even more powerful orgasms than I have, they have become the primary focus of my love making. I find myself becoming aroused only when I can feel her being aroused, and only getting hard when she is either rubbing her clit with my tip and I can feel her stiffen, or when I'm licking and kissing her down there and feeling her respond.

    I'm getting mixed signals from her, and wonder what would be the reaction of the forum gals if their sex lives followed a similar path. Pleased? Disappointed? Threatened? Thrilled? Insecure?

    Thanks for replies
     
  2. redics_girl

    redics_girl Active Member

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    sounds like you're a closet submissive... your wife may be uncomfortable with the idea of that. i know my husband is a sub, but i am as well, and honestly can not be dominant, its just not in my nature. i personally find nothing wrong with you being aroused by pleasing your wife, i wish my husband would get hard when he's eating me out, but he usually doesn't. are you able to arouse yourself, at all? when alone? masturbating? if not, i would work on that, maybe she is uncomfortable that it all falls on her?
     
  3. pbs

    pbs
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    I think you may be spot on with that - food for thought.

    Thanks
     
  4. Meee

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    Describe this part some more.
     
  5. pbs

    pbs
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    After giving her a mind blowing orgasm by licking her clit, she seems to be reluctant to finish me with her mouth, something she was always eager to do in the past. She claims that she's just trying to give me the same kind of orgasms I'm giving her, very slow, several peaks, and a long duration at the brink before her release. I try to tell her that I'm just not hard wired to come that slowly, and need to go up and over quickly once the final climb begins, especially with a BJ. She knows this from our past, but keeps on trying to slow me down, even though her efforts are fruitless. She is a total submissive and very insecure, and my concern is that my dominating her like this, and giving her orgasms so much priority over mine, she may be giving me a message by derailing these BJ orgasms. In the past she has been very subtle and complicated, and has been disappointed that I can't read her mind.
     
  6. Meee

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    Well, the first thought that occurs to me is that giving her orgasms isn't necessarily dominating her. I think you're labeling too much. It's possible to say that you're serving her by giving her pleasure. Who's dominant and who's submissive? It doesn't matter.

    I think you should change the language of what you're saying to your wife. Instead of saying you're hard wired, just tell her what you like. Follow this reasoning: It's possible that you're hard wired for something that you don't like. Just because you're hard wired that way doesn't mean you like it. She might be thinking that your talk about hard wiring is a lament. She might be taking on the challenge of overcoming your hard wiring so you can experience what you really want.

    So don't get fancy about this. Just tell her what you like. Ask her what she likes. Work together in an unpressured way to experience those things. There aren't any labels. There aren't any victories or triumphs. It isn't about mastery or performance. It's about having fun. So just have fun.
     
  7. pbs

    pbs
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    I would be happy if this is the case. I think we could work through this a lot easier than something more complex.
     
  8. Meee

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    The only complexity I've read about in your relationship over and over in your threads is your thing about making her have orgasms in a particular way. It's all been focused on one formula--one ritual that you're very taken with, whether she's as enthusiastic as you about it or not. You seem to insist that she have pleasure in a certain way. You've claimed to train her in it and so on. You claim to have broken down her inhibitions. But you know what? I don't think she had inhibitions. I think she just didn't care that much about the specific kind of orgasm you developed for her. She wanted what she wanted and she was satisfied with it, but you weren't satisfied with her pleasure.

    Sometimes you come across as bragging about the orgasms you make your wife have. But her orgasms aren't about you. A sexual relationship is about communication and sharing, it isn't about accomplishments.

    I don't think she's as subtle or complex or derailing as you think she is. Just ask her what she wants. And you know what? If she doesn't want some kind of advanced technique and extreme experiences, that's OK.