Arguments

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by minskminx, Feb 19, 2016.

  1. minskminx

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    Hello all

    Do you argue with your partner? How does it effect your relationship?

    I am in, what is now, my longest ever relationship although that is not very long for many of you who will have been married for decades. Still, in the several years we have been together we never, ever, argued, everything was perfect and happy, we were never cross or angry with one another.

    Recently however this has changed. About a month ago we had a big argument and didn't talk for a week. Also this week we have also argued and I spent all night crying but everything was smoothed out this morning.

    Do you think this kind of thing is just inevitable in any kind of longer relationship? I am a fighter and take no nonsense from anyone but I really, really hate arguing with my beloved and am one of those people who rarely gets upset but when I do I get very, very upset.

    I know it seems impossible for perfection to exist forever but at the same time it upsets me that these arguments have even happened.
     
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  2. afunk13

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    Everyone argues. It really would depend on if you two are making a mountain out of a mole hill for it to be a problem. Not talking for a week is childish in my opinion.
     
  3. CLE32793

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    I agree with the childishness of not talking for a week but that's better than more name calling and hurt feelings that may not go away. We have been married decades (lol) and we hardly ever argue and never (yet) fight. Has something major happened to upset your balance? Why are you guys angry all of the sudden? I'll tell you we don't argue and name call because we don't enjoy hurting each other but if we stopped caring as much about the other person, we would care less about hurting their feeling, see where I'm going with this??

    Wishing you all the best....hugs
     
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  4. 10_3XL

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    I think the saying "Familiarity breeds contempt" is applicable for most relationships where you are close and spend large amounts of time together. The more time you spend around another person, the more their small flaws and eccentricities become apparent and (usually; not always) the more they will bother you. It's happened to me with every close relationship I've had in my life -- romantic, familial, platonic.

    Arguments are normal and natural. I highly doubt you'll ever find someone that you agree with 100% of the time on 100% of topics. In fact, that sounds really stagnant to me. Where's the drive for personal development and growth in that situation or in that relationship? I'm not saying, "You must have fights to be in a Good relationship" or anything like that - just to not expect the seas to always remain calm and without storms. It's going to happen the more you get to know one another and the more familiar you become and the more time you spend together - don't let it turn into a Big Deal every time or call things off because of an occasional little tiff.
     
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  5. GuyBme

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    Everyone argues at some point but to what degree and how often changes.
    But it's not healthy to cry all night and if arguments turn to " fights " and they escalate , and the frequency rises something has to be done. Counselor , separate , a " break " are options. But life is too short to let it continue for long. I currently and have been dealing with this and it is ending our marriage for the sake of us and our child. Good luck to you
     
  6. CreamyJustice

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    Arguments are going to occur in any relationship or situationship simply because we are all different people. You feel a different way about certain things....you like different stuff.
    Ive never met anyone who has NEVER argued with their SO. That would actually worry me. It's the 'getting through' the fights and arguments and tough times and rough patches that makes your love for one another stronger. Once you all talk and get back to loving each other, youre going to see that this argument was something small and not half as important as you thought previously.
     
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  7. HazHardHat

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    @minskminx I agree with everything said above, arguments and disagreements are normal and to be expected even if they come several years later in a partnership. The one thing that worried me about what you wrote above was "we had a big argument and didn't talk for a week". Not talking for a week is pretty major, especially if you live with each other and see each other everyday. Even if you don't live together, that is a long time to give the silent treatment to each other after you've been in a relationship with them for several years. Hopefully these are just growing pains and as many others stated above, getting through the disagreements will help make you guys stronger in the end.
     
  8. backcheck64

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    I honestly can't remember the last time my wife and I had an argument.
     
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  9. minskminx

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    Thank you for all the replies. I have read them all.

    I should say that we do not live together so it was not the case that we were in the same apartment not talking. We actually live about 100 miles a part and had a little break from each other.

    Unfortunately I have many problems right now. :(
     
  10. sandwich

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    I am late responding but wanted to say I am glad you smoothed things out.

    My general thought is that a conflict free relationship would perhaps be one without much intimacy unless you have been together for years and years and have reached the point where you've worked through the tough things and are in a place of peace created by doing the hard work that many couples have gone through in earlier years. It's not that the later years aren't ever hard but more that you've worked through the bigger issues. These are actually not my own thoughts but things my mom mentioned on many occasions leading up to my wedding.

    My husband and I have only had one of what I would consider to be a big issue between us, and we are still working through it. It hasn't gotten to the point where we are fighting but it is clear we disagree. I have been trying to think in terms of how it may or may not matter whose view prevails a year from now or five years from now, and it seems to deflate the issue by looking at it that way.

    Also I think sometimes people argue over things that are just a matter of preference. In other words, they treat them as moral issues or as more significant than they are. I think you have to pass on arguments that are not worth having.

    Again, my mom has mentioned these things here and there, and had she not done so I might be pretty ticked right now.

    It is probably a good idea to look at your partner as a work in progress and not as an opponent when you disagree. Also it could help to recognize which one of you is more passive and withdrawing in conflict and which is the in your face and must resolve it now type. If you are the latter it can only help to wait it out for the other to be ready to come together and talk. If not, they will be overwhelmed and withdraw even more.

    FYI...my parents both have jobs (my dad is retiring very soon) but they do some marriage counseling with couples when the need arises and I cannot say I have been through much myself. I have seen them be of great help to others, and I have heard these things from them, but mostly my mom because she is the more verbal one.
     
  11. Dog_E_Ryder

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    Hell everybody argues, a marriage or relationship is unrealistic without some disagreement on things. The trick is... if you are any good at making up. ;)
     
  12. CLE32793

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    Yeah, we don't argue either.
     
  13. lbushwalker

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    Why is that?
    Is it because you are always right ;)
     
  14. CLE32793

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    Lol, no, he's usually right actually. :) ;)
     
  15. Candela

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    Always kiss each other good night..It erases the tape!
     
  16. Lou_x

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    the best bit regarding Arguments is the making up sex :p
     
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  17. Englishman

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    Can we go straight to the make up bit ?? ;)
     
  18. Sagittarius84

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    Honestly, I don't like makeup sex. I don't like the idea that an orgasm is going to make me forget or drop whatever issue I have.
     
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  19. backcheck64

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    I can't remember ever having makeup sex.
     
  20. CLE32793

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    Agreed, never go to bed angry or with unresolved issues.

    I've had make up sex just not with my hubby. We just don't argue, I have no interest in hurting his feelings by saying things I know I will regret. We have discussions to resolve any issues that come up. I believe if you find a person that truly makes you happy why would you want to yell and scream and call names? That solves nothing. Plus E is not easy to argue with, lol.
     
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