Are your spouses insecure about SF?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Vanja, Oct 22, 2010.

  1. Vanja

    Vanja New Member

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    Hey everyone

    My husband is a little insecure about it and I was wondering if any of yours are too (because, after all this site is mostly about sex)? What do you say to put their minds at ease? Have you made rules about it?

    I have told him that I will end my membership here if it will make him feel better but he doesn't want me to do that. So we made a rule that if I keep my distance (ie. no pm's that get too personal etc.) and only post on the threads we're ok. I believe in give and take when it comes to making a marriage work and I think it's been a bit one-sided for awhile.... he gives more than I do. My biggest problem is that I'm paranoid about him trying to control me - it has nothing to do with him, it's my past relationships. I have lived with two alcoholics and both of them were abusive. I will never ever let myself become a victim to something like that again. But because I feel so strongly about this I have sometimes blown up at him for no good reason and giving into this fear I have of someone trying to oppress me again.

    Does any of this make sense? Should I end my membership here even though he hasn't asked me to do that? Would any of you if your spouse asked?
     
  2. pussydog

    pussydog New Member

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    my wife dont like it as well. but if u think u can make him read some of d thread with u so he can see u ve nothing to hide and there is nothing bad.all if he dont just want u here and u think it will cause problems in ur marriage then i think u ve to give in to is which.any way think about it well.
     
  3. Mittimer

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    I don't know why your husband would be insecure about you being on a sexual forum. You're an adult and adults generally speak about things of sexual nature. If he can't see that then there is something wrong.

    My main concern is why does your husband truly have anything against you being on here? Obviously (in my eyes) there are some trust and control issues on his part. Does he feel that you're going to become sexual with someone online? That you're going to find someone, fall madly in love and run on into the woods together frolicing like bunnies for the rest of your lives? I mean, there has to be some reason as to why he's insecure about you being on a forum.

    As far as I've seen you've been very respectful in your posting and you haven't said anything (openly at least) to make me think the contrary.

    I in no way feel that you should terminate your account here due to his insecurities. If he's really that unsure, let him read a thread or two, let him see how you reply. Do not let that become a constant thing though, because in the end you'll be relinquishing your 'powers', as it may be, to do something that you enjoy... alone.


    As far as my Fiancee is concerned. It's 6:00, I opened up my SF to check on the threads to do my moderating duties and I look over at him and say "E, are you insecure about me being on SF?" to which he replied
    "Baby, you're a MOD. I think if I had something against it, I would have told you far before you reached mod status. Why would I have anything against it anyway? It's a forum for you to help others by sharing your sexual exploits with *Laughs*, that and I know you love giving your opinion on just about everything so it's good for you. Internet can't make you shut the hell up *explodes into laughter*"

    My Asshole..isn't he charming? :p
    No really though, My fiancee and I have been together for over 2 years. I joined in May of this year, 5 months ago and I've even linked him to the forum a couple times to show him a thread that I may need another opinion on before I respond to. Or ones that I just think are hilarious.

    In my opinion, there isn't anything for your husband to be insecure about and maybe this is something that you two need to talk about. Not just agreeing to terminate when he see's fit. Get the why and how his brain is ticking to make him think negatively of the forum. If there is trust in your relationship, if he loves you and knows you wouldn't do anything to jeopardize the relationship, especially on a forum that's meant for sharing knowledge, understanding and communication human sexual nature, then there shouldn't be any issue with you being on here.

    It just may take a little while for him to realize that.
     
  4. SWGirl

    SWGirl New Member

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    I was a bit uneasy when I first heard Steve talking about it. But honestly it wasn't jealousy or insecurity, it was more curiosity and a desire to know what it was all about. And I was a bit uneasy to begin with, but once I started reading some of the things he showed me and learned about the nature of the discussions and the quality of the people, it set me right at ease and made me want to join in too.
     
  5. luvbug

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    My SO is bad insecure. He doesnt know I come here...if he did he wouldnt like it at all...and would prob demand I not come back if I wanted to stay married!! lol
     
  6. SteveWaste

    SteveWaste New Member

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    I completely understand that people have varying levels of insecurity, but it doesn't make it any easier for me to deal with or less frustrating to work around. You just have to be honest. My Lady is sometimes insecure about things. She even just said that she was a little uneasy when I got on here and started talking about it. But she gets over things very quickly because she trusts that I'm never going to lie to her or do anything to hurt her feelings. Trust is the key factor. You can be insecure to hell and back, but if you trust who your with to hell and back, the trip is actually really easy. Just put it in their hands and know you're not going to get hurt.

    I know I know. Easier said than done, but the key is communication. You've got to find a way to tell your SO's that you're a very sexual person and that you really enjoy talking about it; not out of arousal or unfaithfulness, but out of curiosity, socialization, and a learning experience and that it would make you very happy if they could share that with you; or if they can't bring themselves to, then to allow you to express that side of yourself.

    Honestly, what rational person could say no to an argument like that?

    ~Steve
     
  7. Barbwire

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    My husband is totally 100% cool that I come here and I talk to him almost daily about the things I read here. I tell him about the boys that hit on me and let him know exactly who I am chatting with behind the scenes.

    I told him when I first joined the forum that I wanted it to be my own personal retreat where I went to learn, share my stories an dpics and to vent a little. I told him that I'd rather he not come here and he understands that I need my own space.

    He's never expressed anything even remotely close to being insecure about me visiting this place. He knows that no matter what I read, who I meet or what I say on here. I'll always be a woman he can trust.

    I'm glad he's mature enough to be on board with me on this and I don't envy youl, Vanja.

     
  8. Vanja

    Vanja New Member

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    Thank you all for your input - it's very much appreciated.

    There are a few factors to consider here, it's not as simple as he *just* doesn't trust me or the people on here. He's not telling me to end my membership, I'm thinking about ending it because he is a little insecure/uneasy about it (like Steve's wife was). At the same time he doesn't want to join because he feels this place is for me only (I've tried to convince him otherwise but he has made up his mind). We're currently in a long distance relationship and as we all know, that is not for the faint of heart OR very insecure/jealous people. I don't know how many of you have maintained an LDR for years on end like we have but those who know what it's like also know that in order to make something like that work, it actually takes tremendous amounts of effort and trust from both sides, I dare say even more than "normal" relationships require. It's one thing to participate on a forum like this with your spouse in the room next to you and quite another having your spouse thousands of miles away. We have both put a lot into our relationship, time, money, travel, waiting, planning and all that. So it's important to me that he doesn't feel uneasy about this - my feelings about other kinds of stuff is important to him and he is considerate of them. For example - he has never ever been impatient with my insecurities (from my past relationships). Many men would have resented the hell out of it and probably yelled a time or two. He hasn't and this means more to me than he probably knows. I feel I owe him at least the same with this. At least until he starts being more at ease with it.

    I read your responses and thought about this quite a bit tonight. The bottom line and the conclusion for me is that chatting with you good people here (as much as I like you all and have had good chats in the last few years :)) isn't essential in my life. Making sure he feels safe in our marriage is essential and most important to me however. We don't keep secrets from each other and I don't want that to change so....

    Who knows maybe I'll join again when the time is right - until then, take good care all of you. It was fun and very useful when it was needed, so thank you :)

    p.s. maybe a mod can close my account now? Mittimer? ;)
     
  9. Mittimer

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    I'll send Rob a message for you, though I am very sad to see you go. I hope that you come back again. :(
     
    #9 Mittimer, Oct 22, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2010
  10. HardRocker

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    As moderators, we can't edit much of your profile information. We can PM and ask Rob_E to remove your registered e-mail (which will keep you from logging in), IP address and any other contact info you registered, if any. You may get a more prompt response if you click the Contact Us link in the pink bar at the bottom of every page and ask Rob to do that.

    If you come back before that happens, you can open your profile and delete the About Me information. Of course your posts will always be here, but let us know if there are any pictures of you we can remove.

    Being that it's Friday evening, it will probably be the first of the week before Rob gets the message.

    Wow, December 2007, that's kind of sad. We hate to see good members leave, but you sincerely have our best wishes, Vanja.

    EDIT: I see Mitt answered while I was writing this.

    HR