[Ask a Guy] Are you honest about your sexuality?

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by Swunk, Aug 17, 2011.

  1. Swunk

    Swunk Member

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    So I first asked this question to a previous girlfriend, when she was creeped out by a bisexual friend we both had. Not that the girl was skeezing on her, but just that she neither identified as "straight" or "gay." So, here goes. Ladies feel free to answer too, of course, but I always ask this in convos when sexuality comes up, and women seem to be about 20 times more honest and open-minded about it. Damn New England Puritan culture...

    So, since most men on here probably identify as "straight," I will ask it from that point of view, but feel free to swap pronouns and identifiers to make it work for your gender/sexuality.

    If you were out and about, and happened to see another guy who seemed attractive to you, and you noticed yourself feeling turned on by him, would you admit it to yourself? Notice, it's not, would you suddenly call yourself "gay" or "bi" or "curious," not, would you change your entire sexual identity, not would you run up and rip his clothes off, not would you do anything except admit to yourself that you found that individual attractive and that he turned you on sexually.

    Most of my galfriends tend to say something to the effect of "well, yeah, of course I'd admit it, if she's hot, she's hot, I am who I am." My guyfriends give one of two responses. First the cop-out, scared-shitless response of "that would never happen to me, I'm straight." Or rarely the more honest, I've-been-drinking-enough-to-forget-that-I'm-supposed-to-be-100%-unshakably-straight response of, "no, I would not be able to admit it to myself if I noticed that happen." Obviously, there is some overlap between the groups; the first girl I asked (see intro story) was of the head-in-the-sand cop-out variety.

    What would YOU be willing to admit to yourself if that situation arose?
     
  2. Mittimer

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    I would 100% admit to myself and everyone around me that I thought the girl was hot. I'm a practicing pansexual. Threw ya for a loop there didn't I? No straight, not bi, not curious, but pansexual.

    Meaning: I do not just go for man or woman, I go for transexual, pre-op-post-op and everything in between. It's not about the sexual organ for me, it's about the person themselves.

    My husband is the EXACT same way.
     
  3. Swunk

    Swunk Member

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    Indeed. I kind of guess that we are all somewhat that way, if we weren't so freikin' scared of it. If I find someone attractive and they turn me on, then I find them attractive and am turned on by them. Simple as that. I agree with you, whether the genitalia morphed one way or another in the womb doesn't really matter too much to me, and I don't think it should either.

    Sometimes I wonder if we as a species didn't so love naming and classifying things, if anyone would have an issue with it. I bet not. My lady and I are with you 100% in that sentiment. Although, we both just call ourselves Human as opposed to (fill-in-the-blank)sexual. All just words ain't it?
     
  4. Red-Dragon

    Red-Dragon New Member

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    Eh, I'd feel a little gay afterwards but I'd just be like, ":/ 'k why did I just find another dude sexy...lol" and then forget about it. I don't know, I don't think I react as bad as most dudes who find themselves in that situation but I guess when you're raised with some of your siblings insulting you by calling you a homo it gets a little bit, 'uncomfortable,' I guess. XD


    I found pansexuality (since I learned of it) a bit 'amazing.' I always thought if you liked men and women you were just bi. Didn't understand back then why someone would have a 'sex change either' since it seemed rational to me. You were born <insert sex here> why do you need to become <insert opposing gender here> once I did, my GOD did my head spin for a while! XD Not because its bad but because it explains a lot of things I didn't understand before. Would I be 'attracted to someone who waso riginally a dude?' Maybe if I didn't know, sure but once i found out, while I'd be comfortable about talking about SOME THINGS... I just don't think I'd be comfortable or would want to find them 'attractive.' which kind of makes me feel like a jerk. :/ Since I don't really like harming people for something they can't really control (their brain chemistry, which isn't a /bad/ thing). Nor do I believe I'd catch anything, just something I never felt right about I guess. So a person who can accept anyone for whom they are tends to impress me.

    Know a couple other friends who told me they were a pansexual as well. Hope I didn't make anyone uncomfortable saying that :ugh
     
  5. Trond

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    GIVEN that I found a guy sexy, I think I would be able to say so, but it never happens.

    I am not so sure if everyone who says "it would never happen" is homophobic. Some of them yes, but take me for instance. I admit that I think Paul Masvidal is a good-looking guy, but he does not turn me on. My wife also pointed out that he (Masvidal) is one of those guys who look a bit effeminate without looking ridiculous, so it may just be that he reminds me of some good-looking women while still being very much a guy. So yeah, a few guys look handsome in my eyes, but turn me on? Never happens.

    By the way, notice that magazine covers for both men and women are full of beautiful women. Sure, you see some guys here and there, but I am pretty sure that women outnumber men with a good margin. Whether it's cultural or biological I don't know, but it seems to me that most people find women more pleasing to look at. Some women I know say something like "yes, women look better in general, but I am attracted to men". Straight men rarely have this dichotomy. We like women. Plain and simple.
     
  6. Everett_Spair

    Everett_Spair Member

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    It's interesting you should ask this exact question cause I've been thinking about that off and on.
    Of course I would be honest to myself if I find another person attractive, no matter the sex.
    However, I very very rarely find men attractive. It has only happend like three times in my life so far. However I find pretty much any girl attractive (first impressions entirely based on looks mind you, so can easily change once I get to know her)
    So while I consider myself straight due to how I feel most of the time I would not be afraid to find out I'd like other sexes as well.

    (on a sidenote, I find femininity sexy so a transsexual would work just fine as well)

    heh, I think my answer might be a bit confusing but thats how it is :p)

    edit:
    I just thought of something, since I find femininity sexy I'd probably like a guy who was all feminine. :D
     
    #6 Everett_Spair, Aug 17, 2011
    Last edited: Aug 17, 2011
  7. Swunk

    Swunk Member

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    Yeah, I agree with you guys, in that it seems hard NOT to admit to yourself what you already know. When I first started asking this question I was trying to use it as a way to quickly get people to understand that they were being close-brained-ed, loosen up and let people breathe! Then I found out a lot of people KNEW they were and were cool with it. Like you, it is very rare for me to see an actual guy and find him attractive, though it does happen, and if I am imagining a guy it is much more frequent. It's people who can imagine that guy, imagine finding him sexy, and know that they would not be able to even let themselves think about it.

    Transsexual/gender people have never thrown my mind for a loop, it is the above people, who can know one thing and believe another that confuse the shizzle out of me. Try talking to any agnostic-atheist friend's raised christian about knowing versus believing if you want an INTENSE version of the same thing. My girlfriend used to explain it to me, and I would never get it. Then it came out that she was just afraid to tell anyone she was a non-believer, and she didn't understand how someone could have that dichotomy either... brains are weird.
     
  8. CosmicEye

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    I think the first thing that people think of when they meet someone new or people watch is how good they look. I will admit that if I see a handsome dude I will say that to myself. But, I do not ever picture them naked, question penis size, or get any kind of penis movement myself when noticing it. In fact, this morning at the DMV there was a handsome dude in front of me and I told myeself that he was a good looking fellow. But thinking anything sexually beyond that just doesnt and has never happened to me.

    I dont know if I ever thought to myself, wondering what a guy would look like naked, I would be worried about myself. But thankfully it just doesnt happen. I am just 100% straight.

    I think its different for women though and I dont know why, it just is. Its hot when girls say "shes hot". 2 girls kissing vs 2 guys kissing are completely different and I think everyone can agree with that.
     
  9. Red-Dragon

    Red-Dragon New Member

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    lolno.


    I say you only say that 'cause you're a guy and the idea of two girls passionately kissing each other gets you off 'cause its hot. :p Which it is, but still there isn't much of a difference imho.

    Any other differences beyond that, are likely 'social' as in there would probably be less of a backlash since for whatever reason from what I've seen women dont' seem to get as 'uppity' about women kissing then two guys. :/ Not sure if I am correct though...just something I think I've noticed but I'm not entirely sure about. lol

    I've heard of a lot of prude women who don't seem to get bothered by two women kissing as much since they're used to being around it so much. On the otherhand when two guys kiss there seems to be a higher degree of...well we're just more uncomfortable xD
     
    #9 Red-Dragon, Aug 17, 2011
    Last edited: Aug 17, 2011
  10. Swunk

    Swunk Member

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    I do know why: Western Culture. Many Eastern, African, and Mediterranean cultures have been completely cool with guys being together too. Actually, thinking about some of the notable cultures where gay men have been accepted (Tribal Settings, Old Shogun/Daimyu era Japan, Pre-Rome Greece), there seemes to be a correlation between women having an noted, respected, and important role in the society, and it be OK for guys to have sexual relations. Not saying causation, but correlation, certainly...

    At any rate, the question is not, "Hey guys, do you get hard looking at dudes?" It is, "Assuming you found a guy attractive (note, nothing about physiological sexual arousal even) would you openly admit to yourself that you found another male attractive?" The hypothetical attraction must be assumed in order to respond directly to the original question.
     
  11. RideNaked

    RideNaked New Member

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    Simple answer, for me, yes. But, it quickly gets more complicated because I've found I'm curious about a bi encounter. I also am an Artist and Photographer (hobby), and I find both the male and female form, in their many varieties, beautiful. I've found few guys, however, that have caused that sirring in the loins on looks alone.

    T
     
  12. CosmicEye

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    Im not saying 2 guys kissing is wrong, but its not something that alot of people Ive talked to would perfer. ALOT of women have agreed with me that they would rather see 2 chicks vs 2 dudes. Some even find it unattractive and gross.

    Its just something about women kissing.. I love it :)
     
  13. Swunk

    Swunk Member

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    I agree with you on the last bit, but I don't agree with you that the general preference (or at least openly stated preference) is genetically and not culturally based.