Are my thoughts normal?

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Rocket Queen, Oct 25, 2008.

  1. Rocket Queen

    Rocket Queen New Member

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    OK, so if you have read a few of my posts on SF you will know that my hubby and I are opening up our marriage to include other people.... :D

    I have always been Bi and fooled around with other women, my hubby has always known this and watched me kiss and fondle girls, but he has never asked me to have a FFM, he knew that I loved being with women because it turns me on (not because I would do it to turn him on IYGWIM) Six months ago I asked him if I could find myself a regular girl to play with and he said to go for my life and I did (which you have seen the pics ;)) and I continue to play and meet with girls...

    Recently he has told me that he is happy to open the relationship even further for us to start swinging (I have always had a fantasy of being taken by 2 or more men) he is now really eager to have sex with another woman and is not weirded out by it like he was before (I have been telling him how I can't wait to suck his cock with another woman etc)

    Now that we are in the interview process and I am chatting with couples and single M/F's I am starting to freak out that maybe the fantasy wont be as good as reality (is that strange?) I don't want to tell my hubby that I am having second thoughts as it has taken him quite a few months to get on the same page as me, and I don't want to tell him, yes, no, yes, no... I did tell him that if I don't feel like doing it at the time, I will say No and not continue and he said that he will do the same.... we want to do a couple thing first before we start playing in three's so we are both sleeping with another person for the first time together.... I don't know, maybe we can hold hands and wink at each other as we are entering or being entered by the other person ;)

    I guess if I really look deep into my soul, I love being with other women (it feels so natural) and have no drama's with being married and having a lady friend on the side.... but...... being with another man scares the crap out of me (in an exciting way) I don't want this to break us up, but I really want to explore this side of us....

    I figure that this experimental time in our life will give us some fantastic sexy memories for when we are too old to have sex ;)

    TIA for your thoughts xx
     
  2. Dreama

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    Why don't you talk with hubby openly about exactly how you're feeling. Fear of the unknown is natural-it's perfectly normal to be scared-you'd be crazy to be perfectly calm all the time about things like this. But, know that the way you go about this-your attitude, your outlook-shapes completely your experience. What if you and hubby laid down some ground rules that work for you? For example, one ground rule we set was that our marriage comes first always. If one of us wants to stop anything, feels uncomfortable, decides that this kind of thing doesn't work for them, it automatically puts a stop to anything we're into, and halts the sexual relationship we have with others until those fears and discomforts are quelled. This can mean constant communication at first. Hubby and I actually stayed up all night discussing it for some nights. That actually brought us closer together, and we really got giddy with excitement at just being able to talk like we were.

    Good luck, RQ. I hope this helps, and that you and hubby can work things out in a way that suits you both.
     
  3. Rocket Queen

    Rocket Queen New Member

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    Thanks Dreama *hugs*, yes I should tell him exactly how I am feeling (that would be my advice to anyone in this situation ;))....I am just concerned that If I tell him I'm having second thought he may back out and not want to go ahead with it all..... I am a typical woman and change my mind all the time so hopefully he is used to it..... I keep asking him if he is cool with it and he is really happy to explore this new side of us... we too, sit up late at night and discuss all our naughtyness and it certainly makes for good foreplay ;)
     
  4. Dreama

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    Yes, I knew that you probably did those things...You've been married much longer than I, and have much more experience anyway. Maybe if you did tell him, prefece it by saying that you don't want it to affect his opinion of the situation, you just need reassurance and comfort. *Hugs and kisses, babe*
     
  5. suite91

    suite91 Member

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    Not strange at all. Sadly, it is unlikely that the reality will go according to your fantasies (but that's no reason not to try :lol).

    Communication with each other is the key. All other obstacles can be overcome or avoided.

    Have fun and keep us posted - Oh! And share the pics! Please!

    PS - Nice post Dreama :)
     
  6. HillyMiku

    HillyMiku New Member

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    I agree with Dreama- 100%. If you decide not to go through with it- it's OK. It's also OK to be afraid of being with "another man"... fear of the unknown stops us from doing a lot of things. If you are open and honest with your husband, you won't break up but this IS, what I call, dangerous territory. Problems arise when couples are NOT open with each other. To be open with other people- sexually speaking, means you have to be 100% open with your spouse/partner. You may try it once and decide this ISN'T for you- and that's OK but your husband needs to know that.

    Chances are, he's freaking out a bit when it comes to seeing YOU with another man.
     
  7. Rocket Queen

    Rocket Queen New Member

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    Thanks hon your a doll *hugs*

    Yeah I know, the reality will be nothing like my fantasy lol, but your right....it is no reason not to try it

    He is so cool and calm... I just asked him before if he was freaking out and he said no, and I said if your not happy with the situation for him to tell me, but he said he doesn't want to ruin the situation for me so he would keep quiet.... then I had to explain that it would be ruined if afterwards I found out that he wasn't happy with it......
     
  8. Joe

    Joe
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    As HillyMiku stated, this is dangerous territory. My late wife and current wife both tried this with their first husbands, and both said it was a turning point (downwards) in their marriages. With my late wife, even though it was her husband's idea, afterwards he was angry with her. My current wife didn't really want to do it to start with. The couple they did it with were their best friends at the time, but it ruined the friendship. My only advice is, proceed with caution and be sure it's what you both want.
     
  9. cbrmale

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    I think that men and women are biologically programmed to stray, as a way of deepening the genetic pool of humanity. Swapping and so on are a way of satiating this need that pretty much all of us have. Others have extra-marital relationships, others break up relationships to start afresh, and others keep a lid on it all. But I believe we are not programmed to be life-long faithful to one other person.

    I haven't done swinging, I have done extra marital sex and I have done group sex. Group sex can be good if at least one involved has done it before. If everyone were first-timers, it might be awkward and not live up to expectations. Even with an experienced person it may not turn out as desired, but that is true of most things in life. For me, the group sex I have been part of was great in every instance.

    For my part, I am very glad I did what I did. Yes, I have some fantastic sexy memories for the rest of my life. For you there is a risk to your relationship, but at the same time the swinging scene is quite healthy in Australia, so many couples partake without adverse consequences.
     
  10. Rocket Queen

    Rocket Queen New Member

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    I though I should update...... we swung on the weekend with Berrylicious and her hubby and OMFG it was absolutely amazing.. we can't wait to meet up again.

    The sex was amazing (I squirted over Berry's poor hubby ;)) the guys let us have to to ourselves which was fantastic and it all felt natural.

    My hubby has said he can't wait to play again and told me how hot is was to see me go off with another guy and has said he is happy for me to play with them on my own...

    It was truly a fantasy come true...
     
  11. FlirtyChick

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    I am so glad this went well for you. I just wish I had been able to experience something this great instead of totally screwing up! Where are the pics?
     
  12. Rocket Queen

    Rocket Queen New Member

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    lol, yeah we are happy with the outcome..... no pics for this... we have totally gone off doing pics for the moment.... and I really think taking pics would have ruined the moment/s
     
  13. Hot Wheels

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    I'm so pleased to hear that the night turned out to be better than you expected.....:D
    You are lucky to have such a great relationship between the four of you..... :tup
     
  14. Dreama

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    Sounds like you had fun, hun! Glad to hear it. Hope you get more fun, soon.
     
  15. heelfetish

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    :woohoo

    Congrats to you, RQ!!! I too have the fantasy of swinging, but for now it remains that way: strictly a fantasy. I still do not have all my thoughts in order on the subject, and I don't think my wife even shares it as a fantasy. And with our sex life as rocky as it is right now, we certainly don't need to bring any additional stress to the table.

    I wish there were pics to drool over, but I understand why the cameras weren't used. It's so awesome that the experience was a positive one, and I wish you many more in the future!!!
     
  16. wawoo

    wawoo New Member

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    Turn to the dark side. That's right babe.
     
  17. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Wow. It's good to hear about someone having a good experience with this sort of thing. I would be wary of playing on your own though...as long as you're doing it together that's one thing, but when you start going alone there's a whole host of issues that can crop up before you know what happened.

    BD
     
  18. FlirtyChick

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    He is right! Do it together or not at all.
     
  19. Dreama

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    Well, it really depends on the person...I think 'be wary' is good advice, because when playing with others exercising caution is best-but issues don't always crop up in a negative way. Sometimes, issues need to pop up in order to help strengthen a relationship and make it better.
     
  20. FlirtyChick

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    Yes, but it how those issues are handled that make the difference! ;)