Approaching the subject of sex

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by missie, Apr 27, 2012.

  1. missie

    missie Member

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    I've been away from the site for a while but while away I have a new OH, he and I have an ok sex life, a lot tamer than what I'm used to but if it is to be that then it's fine by me.

    He is quite a sensitive chap and I don't want to do or say something that would embarrass or hurt him but I would like to know if he would be more adventurous with sex. Now I don't know if he is holding back because he thinks that's what I want or he just hasn't experienced more variety in his past sex life.

    How would I approach this with him without embarrassing him or making him feel that he is inadequate? Like I said at the beginning if it was to come to it I would be fine with it as it is as the sex isn't the be all and end all.
    Am I in the right to bring it up at all?
     
  2. Barbwire

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    My husband was very much the same as your new beau; he had a limited number of things that he would do in bed and that was it. I was in your position of wanting to tell him that I wanted to spice things up but, was afraid of hurting his feelings.

    How I got around that was to say things like, "I read/heard about (Insert random sex act here) and it sounded like fun to me," and wait to hear his reaction.

    By using that technique, I found out that my husband was the type that liked to try new things. Now, he would never actually bring them up himself but, if I was the one that started a conversation, he would try. I found this to be true almost 100% of the time.

     
  3. missie

    missie Member

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    Thank you very much for that, I will give it a try and see how it goes :)

    Hopefully it won't make him feel like I'm pressuring him :)
     
  4. Barbwire

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    If he feels pressured by you merely mentioning something looks like fun to you that his problem, not yours. He can't really be that immature, can he?
     
  5. boobjob

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    I was not very experienced when I started dating my wife and she relly took the lead. I just followed along. You would probably know if he had strong opinions about certain things being over the line. That's where BW's idea comes in. Talk about it before hand. But if he isn't constitutionally opposed to experimentationn you can pretty easily lead the way while in the throes of passion. Its no secret that Once a man is aroused he stops thinking with his brain. You can literally lead him where you want to go by the cock. Before I met my wife I never considered sex during a womans period to be an option. She taught me diFferently by grabbing my cock and stuffing it in her pussy. It takes just a little adjustment to go from common place face to face positions to more wild contortions. Once his dick is hard he will be along for the ride. The sudden appearance of a toy is easily incorporated by a guy who has a pulsing hardon begging for release. If you take it one step at a time you will no doubt figure out where he draws the line. He may like when you pull out the silk scarf but balk at the ropes and handcuffs. He may be ok with anal and oral sex but stop short of a rim job. That's all part of the fun in a long term relationship. Learn each others wants and desires.
     
  6. Alwayslearningsex

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    I think you should discuss it with him for sure.
    Maybe you just suggest he does something "more" during sex, while having sex, ask him to be spontaneous that you'dlike to do, or even ask him if he's ok you take the lead a bit, this would be your opportunity to open his eyes a bit as you do other things.
     
  7. thunderseed

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    The best way without embarrassing him is to just show him. You have to take the reigns and show your new man what you want, otherwise he will have no clue. All you have to do is introduce new adventurous things to bed. You don't have to tell him anything. Take the lead, encourage him into a new position, and he will learn by example. Try surprising him with random sex and he will know you enjoy that. Chances are he's still getting used to it and is kind of nervous, you have to tame him LoL. When you begin introducing what you want to do, he will feel comfortable enough introducing what he wants to do.

    If you suggest that he does something "more" in sex like the other person said that would make him feel inadequate. And I don't think it's a good idea to talk about sex and criticize him while you are having sex either, if you do plan on talking to him about it, wait until you are not having sex. But you don't really have to. Sex is pretty self explanatory. Barbwire had a good idea though.
     
  8. missie

    missie Member

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    Thank you for all your guidence. Well I tried to guide him to something different but he didn't take up on it, he clammed up and backed off a little so I think I then made the wrong choice.... I spoke openly about things. I told him what I like and asked him what he liked, asked about fantasies and he said none really.

    I told him of one of my tamer fantasies and he looked in horror. I think he is a a doggy possition only man. Only time will tell if I get more out of him
     
  9. AHappyWife

    AHappyWife New Member

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    Get a bottle of two of wine and all dressed up. Try talking to him again when he's a bit sloshed. Good luck!